Submitted by 20GT on 08/18/2014.
Hi, my wife and I have continuously had problems for most of our marriage of 11 years. We have almost separated many time because she felt unloved and alone. lastly I went to councillor to help me change my behavior. No effect, basically he said change or suffer the consequences.
Last week she told me she was though of me not paying attention always off in my own world and took off her ring.
I always thought I had ADHD but never thought this could be the root cause of my problems. Always feeling embarrassed and ashamed that I had fallen back into the same routine no matter how hard I tried.
I thought I would get some meds for my ADHD and see if I would behave differently.
While waiting for the Dr's office to open I googled "ADHD ruined my marriage" and I came across this link.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/adhds-impact-on-relationships-10-tips-to-hel...
Once I started to read it it was like a history of my relationship exactly.
I have an app to see a Dr Thursday. I'm also about to read through the rest of the site.
Anyway I'm hoping this will help me do better.
I feel ya
Submitted by fightrunjokebrew on
Same situation here. Most of my wife's prolonged resentment and disrespect towards me became much more clear after I read Orlov and Hallowell's books.
I began treatment recently, and have seen results in both me and us. Although upon treatment initiation you shouldn't expect instant marital bliss, just know that my wife has been amazed at my sudden changes and impressed with my effort.... so much that she is (pleasantly, I think) confused, wondering where I am going with this journey
My advice, not that I am in any way qualified to give any, is to admit to your part of the process of the declining relationship, and let her know that you are going to take on the responsibility for controlling your ADHD (if you are diagnosed as such). Then back it up with both your prescribed medications and taking the effort to set reminders (phone, watch, calendar, post-its, calendar etc) to be your safety net. If you are like me, no matter how much you believe you will remember, no matter how much you want to remember, just know you probably won't (again, if you are like me). I have not gotten counseling, though I can say that these books on constant audiotape are helping me a lot.
Good luck, keep us posted!