From my own experience, and from reading others' posts here, I am wondering if what we are dealing with in ADHD partners is always necessarily a symptom of their ADHD. My husband has a diagnosis, but I keep thinking that some of the difficult things that come up map onto narcissism as well as ADHD. Grandiose sense of his own self-importance (he's an artist and so he's above the little day to day stuff - someone else can take care of it) extreme defensiveness around even the slightest hint of an inkling that he might be flawed (RSD or does he actually believe that he alone in all of humanity is perfect?). He has other symptoms or traits that don't match onto ADHD like a desire to surround himself with 'important' or 'special' people. There can of course be co-morbidities with any condition. But I'm wondering if anyone else has thought this - 'is it just ADHD or is he also a narcissist?'
Is it ADHD or something else as well?
Submitted by honestly on 03/28/2024.
Melissa wrote a short blog post about this
Submitted by swampyankee on
https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/it-adhd-or-something-else
My husband is undiagnosed and in denial, but our therapist has told me (in singular sessions, not with him) that not only does she indeed see signs of ADHD in him, but also personality disorder traits. She is careful to call them "traits"--not a full on diagnosis. However, knowing that Cluster B "traits" can be co-morbid with ADHD "traits" is helpful for me in that it can inform my view of his behavior through a different lens. I can still wish that he'd recognize these traits as being destructive to our relationship...but at least I can now see them for what they are.
I also wonder about this
Submitted by adams on
I also wonder about this, and was thinking ADHD vs narcissism would be a good item for a "Misdiagnosis Mondays" venn diagram.
Yes to narcissism
Submitted by BurnedOutLady on
I grew up with a narc mom and yes, my ADHD husband has some narc traits. The thing about the narcs is that it can be just so insidious and hard to pin down. I won't say my husband is a full on narc, he doesn't tick enough boxes off. But I also think that perhaps it is more insidious than I realize and I am not seeing it clearly.
For example, he will do a lot of things for me. There is so much he will do for me that I don't ask him to do. However, he will not do things I DO ask him to do. Like, clean up after himself. He tells me he just wants to make me happy. But it seems he will do that in ways that work for HIM. And if it doesn't work for him, he simply won't do it no matter how much I ask.
It's not just the cleaning up either. We had a big project that he refused to finish that really impacted me personally, because he really just didn't want to do it, even though it really mattered to me and was important.
So I start to wonder what it means that he does a lot for me, if it works for him.
Same with sex. He says he wants to make me happy in bed but actually he has never bothered to do any of the things that would make that happen. He has never put in any effort to work on the sexual problems. I gave up years ago, and now I have no libido so it doesn't matter anymore.
Anyway he has a big ego and talks about himself all the time. It's frankly amazing to me how much he can talk about himself. Sometimes I can't stand it, I literally feel like I'm going to scream. He really needs a lot of recognition and ego stroking. But does that make him a full narc? I still don't think so. But he's on the spectrum ....
it's amazing isn't it
Submitted by honestly on
How much they talk about themselves. Just going on and on. I don't think he's got clue one what I am like or what I like; he's barely given me a chance to speak in 20 years. When I do get a word in, he doesn't listen anyway. Or interrupts. Idk if this is just ADHD mirroring Nacissism, or as you say, full on narc. Or possibly he's just arrogant. I happen to be an expert on something - phd, publications, the lot. Very occasionally, my subject area happens to come up, and he, who knows next to nothing about the field, will explain to Dr Me, exactly how I am wrong. Go figure.