Im so done w/ this. After 20 years, im so...bitter, annoyed, angry, fed up. Im overwhelmed every day. On top of it my teen kid has add. Chores not done or half ass done. Cant figure anything out on the computer or even try. "Can you print this?" "Can you email so and so?" Im a secretary? Scanned, organized 3 years of bank statements to get taxes done because he cant figure it out. Find me a doc, i cant figure it out! Intensive lawsuit case evidence, fell on me. Extra money is blown on his shit or big vacations we shouldnt take. Acts like a bratty, pouting, tantrum child. Harassing style of arguments that last 3+ days. Victim whining and involving friends/family yet twists it just to prove he's right. Narccism, oppositional defiance. I just want my own, new life. I have to wait til kid turns 18. One, inflation/finances, good luck trying to buy let alone rent that is equal or higher than mortgage. Two, he will totally lose it and make the process hell. To the point im a little afraid of his reaction. He says no one will love me like him. Really??? Thats what this is? Cause im a parent, not a wife. Are tgey sll like this??? Tgree serious relationships have been like this but i married this one!!! At least if kid is 18, no custody issues. Three, i want to move out of state. Hopefully kid will choose a college out by me but i wouldnt force him to. But i know for sure that no way would he want to live with him 100%. He sees how he can be. Now that im older, i dread future dating. Wth is left out there if im late 40s now?? Ill be mid 50s when i leave. But i AM afraid of dating/being alone by then. But i seriously cant stay in this "marriage". Im a mom, maid, personal assistant, tech person, financial planner, gardner, vet tech, nurse, insurance provider, and i work full time like i said, i feel like im stuck with a lazy, incompetent, selfish, abusive big mouth bratty kid. on top i hear nothing but my issues of being annoyed all of the time and snippy. That im a burden because i take life seriously and am never fun. Fun? Whats that? Im too f'in busy managing 3 lives!!!
It’s like having a little kid
Submitted by Pitabread on 03/08/2022.
I get you
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
You can look back through my posts and see I have a similar story. Same length of marriage, same-aged child, same fears about leaving (custody especially), same age as you. I too wanted to wait until my child was 18, but my body forced me to leave earlier or die, essentially. I couldn't go any longer and I admire your strength. I will say that it was hard, but worth it. I would never go back. The sense of relief and lightening of my load are HUGE. Have you been to see a lawyer? It's worth it to ask about custody and finances. Where I live, teens have a voice in who they live with if it goes to court. In my case, there was no battle. Turns out, ADHD inertia means my ex doesn't actively pursue parenting time. My hugest fear was sharing custody with someone who doesn't remember our daughter needs to eat, leaves doors wide open and stoves on. It worked out. I ran my own business before but got a job with health benefits. I bought a house in the crazy COVID housing market. You might surprise yourself with what you can do. I'm late 40s too. My god it's hard to start over now, but I get to redefine who I am, and that's not his mother anymore. Your day will come! Start preparing, especially if you think he's going to make it messy. Going to see a lawyer doesn't have to mean you're getting divorced, but it can help you understand your options and prepare you.
Thinking of you. You will find people who understand what you're going through here.
Pita, your husband sounds so much like my ex
Submitted by sickandtired on
I definitely know where you are coming from. My ex bf was a hoarder on top of being chronically unemployed and angry. I fell and had a serious injury due to his junk and his procrastination. I broke 2 bones in my leg and injured my back. My house is on a steep hill with 45 steps from the house to the parking area. Just after I got my cast off, he wanted me to help him walk 6 dogs, and I declined because I was in too much pain. Do you want to know his reaction??? He yelled “YOU kill all the joy!” So much for his empathy and taking responsibility for my serious injury. Almost 9 years later, I still walk with a limp.
Also, I really feel for you being involved in a lawsuit with him. I was in an inheritance lawsuit against my brother, and my ex actually sabotaged all of my hard work by emailing threats to the attorneys and accountants, using MY name and email address, without my knowledge, causing me to be in contempt of court because of it. So all I can say is watch out, and don’t let him get involved at all if you want to maintain any semblance of validity with these types of professionals.
Regarding your fear of starting over and dating again in your 40’s or 50’s: I was 60 when I threw out my ex. It was the best thing I had ever done for my mental and physical well being. I later met a wonderful, healthy, loving man who is now my husband. I never would have met him if I didn’t have the courage to throw out my ex. If I can do it at 60 with a severe injury, so can you. Sending you a hug!
The lawsuit is his lawsuit
Submitted by Pitabread on
The lawsuit is his lawsuit for an accident. My role was to organize tons of bills, scan, write summaries, etc to his lawyer like im some damn paralegal !!! What does he do while im managing HIS life for him??? Texting friends, arguing on facebook, laying on his ass watching tv. I hear so many married women in general say they are like moms to their significant other. Are ANY men a self sufficient adult??!!!!! Why are they kids?!
You know what?
Submitted by sickandtired on
If I were you, I would totally drop that entire lawsuit on him. Just because he says he NEEDS you to do it, does not mean you have to do it. What happens if or when you say “no” to him? Does he throw a tantrum and wear you down until you do it for him? Does he have a job or are you the sole breadwinner?
Yes! Men are responsible adults....
Submitted by c ur self on
A real man, chooses a wife to share in life with, to love and cherish, not to dump his responsibilities on....
I am so sorry you have gotten so angry and bitter...I did the same...My wife lived much like your explanation of your husband...But, I woke up...Stopped enabling, set a bunch of boundaries, (separate finances, separate taxes, limited travel together, and on and on, everything we are different about, and everything where conflict was a high possibility if I attempted to share in it.) took my life back....Go to a good counselor by yourself, and get help setting up boundaries, (get help with your anger) that STOP you from mothering and enabling a grown man.....You want have to leave him then.....Two things will happen, he will get very angry for a while and then grow up...Or, he will leave you and look for someone else he can dump on.....If you end up alone and seek a partner, make sure he is a responsible adult without you...Doesn't need you!...But chooses to love you....
Please help yourself here, no one can do this for you.....And recognize the inability to communicate with him, he don't care what you are going through, as long as you are carrying him.......It only increase's your anger and bitterness to attempt to point it out to his closed mind....See his life for what it is, and don't engage it....Dump his responsibilities back on him, and no matter what he say's or how ugly he gets, don't get caught up in it....Walk away without a word....It's the only way to save yourself from his irresponsibility!
praying for you
c
The lawsuit is almost over so
Submitted by Pitabread on
The lawsuit is almost over so he has nothing to do. YES!!! Throws a tantrum then later the whining salespitch. No he has his own biz. I always made more and provide benefits. He has it on easy street with me.