Submitted by Furby withbentears on 08/13/2016.
After reading what I had been putting my fiancé through in you stories. And reflecting on my behievor I was/am ashamed. the only thing that made a difference is that I actually acknowledged that I was the reason my so was/is the way she is because of:ME. you know you say something we misiterpit, and blow up. To stop that chain, it takes a lot of cognitive engagement, and know how to act. It's hard after so many failed relationships, lost things, and awkward social interactions to have confidence that we aren't going to f-this current relationship up. It's like a runaway train sometimes, or more like a self fulfilling story of loss. Thank you for being here it keeps me "real". Ps...I have PTSD too. :(
YAY!
Submitted by Zapp10 on
You have sooo much going for you.....because you are willing to "look" at yourself. Knowing that her reactions may be due to the adhd in you does not give her a "pass" ....she needs to learn HER ways of responding that will "help". That is why coming up with solutions together is vital to a relationship flourishing.
Please work on letting go of any "shame" ( I know it is hard) on your part. YOU did not choose this issue. The misinterpreting is such a nasty, sneaky little snot BUT with the BOTH of you knowing that....you can come up with strategy to work through it or even "head that sucker off at the pass". Your reaction of "blow up" is common and very detrimental....my H does that, has for years and it is the number 1 thing that does me in.
Adhd is so doable in a relationship....but BOTH parties have to be FULLY aware and involved. No more blaming......it's time for solutions......only.
I hope your SO learns all she can about this.....that would make her a wonderful "asset" along with your own work.
Rooting for you!!!
Thanks Zapp I know it a hope
Submitted by Furby withbentears on
Thanks Zapp I know it a hope of mine that she can see through communication and action that I'm modeling the appropriate (hopefully) behievor and emotion. Acceptance, grace and compassion on both sides of relationship. She asked me yesterday why I was being so nice, and I said because I am and I love you. I work as a Peer Support Specialist with the VA and I'm responsible for self empowerment and modeling recovery so this self work is akin to my duty helpin homeless veterans get housing and mental support in recovery. Thanks for chiming in.
Good for you!!!!! This is
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
Good for you!!!!! This is wonderful that you can be this introspective and see where you can make changes. It will take time, but you know...it can work, and in fact it can be wonderful. ADHD and ADD don't have to be negatives. Get control of your symptoms and manage those, help your spouse by being open and understanding ... There has no doubt been a lot of hurt here, so they might need time to get their bearings. But working at it like this will get you good results regardless.
I am so glad you are here too... It helps getting all perspectives!!
PS.. Don't let that shame control you. Let it go and become stronger in working towards a better you. That grace you talk about, you need to apply it to yourself first and foremost. Understand that you will fail and fall at times, but that you just pick yourself right back up. You can so do this!!!