I am new here, and this my second post.
I have spent the last 2 months reading this forum, all the things people have posted could have been me and my 30 year relationship.
Since it has ended, I feel that I shouldn't be tying up anyone here because my relationship is over.
I have so many questions, so much I am trying to reconcile- maybe most of you have had that feeling...'Was anything real?'
So i am asking if it is ok for me to post here, in this forum, even on just this thread, about some of the things that took place...some of the actions on both sides and the ending few months.
I have been seeing a therapist through the VA for the last 3 years to unravel things in my past- the caveat is that she has reservations about Adult ADHD- she thinks most of the time Borderline Personality Disorder is mis diagnosed as ADHD. Just off the things I have shared with her, she thinks my ex is actually BPD and NOT Severe ADHD like she was diagnosed as back in 2012.
Anyways, I think that is also a reason why i seek answers here too.
If I am not allowed to post here since I am no longer in that relationship, well other than we have a 17 year old son that lives with her, and he was supposedly diagnosed with adhd by his doctor, I will understand.
Thanks
You are welcome to post
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Hi, you are welcome to post here. Know that BPD might have been the case with your partner, but adult ADHD is very real, has been demonstrated over and over again in research to be real, and also to be quite debilitating (particularly if severe). I know nothing of your partner's specific issues and circumstances, and I don't diagnose in any event, but as you post here I would ask only that you be sensitive to the fact that people who are here are dealing with issues around adult ADHD and will answer you as such. And understand that there is a swath of therapists out there who don't really understand ADHD and don't "believe in it" (as if it were a religion or something!). I hope that your therapist isn't one of those folks if your partner did, indeed, have ADHD.
Thank You Melissa
Submitted by ShouldaCouldaWoulda on
For the welcome.
I want to first clarify that I DO believe adhd is real, 100%
I spent 30 years with a person that wasnt diagnosed until 18 years into that relationship.
I saw first hand what it is, and I contributed, unknowingly/ignorantly to it and that is a hard pill to swallow.
I did post about my therapist and her opinions on it- but that doesnt mean I dont believe. it wasnt until the fallout of this relationship that I went further than the word of my spouse and REALLY started investigating adhd and trying to educate myself.
I think the misjustice here, in my case, is that the non spouse (myself) failed to go beyond what his adhd spouse educated him on it, and the adhd spouse's lack of going beyond the original diagnosis into treatment/therapy and also the medication issues and drinking.
I really believe that my situation is a textbook case of EVERYTHING not to do.
When i made the statement about 'is anything real?' ...it was about the events and the actions and the behaviors during the relationship, and not about the existence of adhd.
Thank you again.
Keep sharing your experiences
Submitted by Exhausting on
I'm sure members here would be very pleased to hear about your experiences. We all have a story to tell and ADHD is not a "one size fits all" condition. How it manifests in a relationship seems to be very varied. Please know we are all here to support each other. Just reading others' stories can be enough to give some confidence you aren't crazy and what happened to you was real. Personally, I am still trying to navigate how to cope with my ADHD husband and how he sees the world. The ADHD brain is truly wired differently and it can be very difficult finding a middle ground. There is often more than one mental disorder present such as BPD or bipolar. It's a rollercoaster of emotions for the neurotypical partner.