Several weeks ago, my DH and I had a major altercation.  He took off and headed for the hills on a day I had something planned and needed his help.  I told him it started at five and expected him to understand that he should be  home earlier to pick up the house and get a few snacks since I was working all day.  When I tried to call him, he refused to answer the phone.  I childishly got our adult daughter involved and called her and told her to "tell your father to please answer the phone".  He picked up for her, so she passed on the message, but he still wouldn't call me.  Just texted saying he was busy and then he went dark for the rest of the day before rolling in happy as a lark at 5:15 while I had called my parents to help me out.  To say I was furious is an understatement (see post "Wrecked").  Now, in hindsight, I fully own my part in this debacle.  I waited until early afternoon to start blowing up his phone to ask him if he was headed home yet, when in his mind--IF IT STARTED AT FIVE, THEN HE HAD UNTIL FIVE!!!  Before he left, I never asked him to come home early to help.  There, that is my official admission of guilt.  I never asked him to come home early until he was already gone, and once I started blowing up his phone, he was already in deep with the hyperfocus/happy place/nirvana he goes to when machines are involved.  Since this event and the fallout, we have talked a long time about this and have each acknowledged what went wrong.  I told him how I feel when he goes off and feels utterly entitled to just do his own thing regardless of what else is going on at home.  He shared his frustration at being at a job that took him out of state, sometimes even the country, two weeks a month and feeling like a rat in a cage in a series of hotel rooms where he has no outlet for his crazy energy.  When he gets home, he has a powerful need to MOVE and tinker and fix and putter and release that energy.  It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.  NOTHING!  During this conversation, I told him that he feels like a big puppy who has gotten off the leash and is running for its life while the owner (me) is standing in the street screaming "Come back, dammit!".  When I said this, suddenly, it was a lightbulb moment.  He got it.  I am standing there powerless while he's running for his life having a great time.  He finally got my frustration, desperation, and helplessness and was willing to implement strategies to make sure this doesn't happen again.  And I agreed to refrain from expecting him to be accountable for anything I have not asked for and he has agreed to.  Simple, huh?  Gee--it only took 21 years to figure that out.  Consider me officially embarrassed at our lack of emotional awareness around ADHD management and marriage prior to finding this forum.  Anyway, now he will actually call to check in and let me know what his timeframe is.  When he does this, I will say, "Are you trying to get off the leash again?" and he will say "Woof" and we will both laugh and it is a "couple moment".   I like that so much better than before.  I am very interested in hearing what other people on this forum are doing that is working.  What are some of your successes?