Just experiencing rejection sensitivity dysphoria at it's peak.
A few weeks into planning for divorce, my ADD husband's strange communication patterns are more frightening than ever. At the least hint of criticism, he's furious.
We both intend to make divorce nice, and fair for each family member. There shouldn't be anything to be afraid of. I've been trying to calm things down.
But I do get upset too. Especially when he's done some research into legal or financial procedures of divorce and I'm still waiting for my first lawyer's appointment. He upsets my stomach by mentioning he's found out something that changes everything. He then talks of this new information in a condescending and inefficient way, for a long time. I listen, but what he says is inconceivable. I try to ask questions but he is unable to answer any of them. I grope around in the dark forest of inconsequence that is my husband's mind, without finding anything useful, only a terrible insecurity. From this I try to protect myself by being dismissive. He perceives this as criticism. The cycle continues.
But I keep a calm voice and try to avoid conflict. I comfort him out of some of the worst fits, but they seem to return next day. Then he is ashamed and apologizes. Then it all starts over.
He pretends to be bright and happy around the children, then cries and acts out when children can still hear him. They are upset and cry. I have to comfort them.
Yesterday I managed to get us both to a good place where we both felt trusting and could express hope for the future. Today that work is in shreds.
I admire all of you who've been through this.
I admire you
Submitted by Elliej on
Swedish i admire you. I admire how far you have come and how, now you have made your mind up, you are setting everything in motion.
This will likely be the hardest thing you ever do. Co-parenting is also likely to be challenging but keep pushing forward with dignity and grace. I have no words of wisdon just sympathy and encouragement.
Thank you Elliej
Submitted by Swedish coast on
Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot to me.
For your own sanity...
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
When your husband reveals new 'legal information' he discovered don't get involved. Just thank him for the information and say "I will be sure to discuss that with my lawyer' and leave it at that. You have decided to 'untangle' yourself from the ADHD; do not 'referee' the march to divorce. God bless you and your children.
Thank you
Submitted by Swedish coast on
That is indeed good advice. I will remember it. Thank you for responding.
Agree
Submitted by adhd32 on
I would take it all with a grain of salt. Often times ADDer will latch on to some statement without reading it in context and apply the statement to their situation. They don't understand the whole thing sometimes but cherry pick the statements to fit their narrative.
I think you’re right
Submitted by Swedish coast on
That seems very accurate. I have a feeling my husband hasn't the least idea of the whole thing. He's calm today though. I'm meeting with the lawyer on Monday morning so soon this confusion will end.
Thank you for your post.
Oh this is music to my ears.
Submitted by Exhausting on
"I would take it all with a grain of salt. Often times ADDer will latch on to some statement without reading it in context and apply the statement to their situation. They don't understand the whole thing sometimes but cherry pick the statements to fit their narrative."
Oh this is music to my ears. Yesiree this is what happens!!!!