In marriage, the life we lead (words and action) is a statement to how we view our spouse and our role in their lives...Does your life say I love you, honor you, & respect you?...? Or is your living of life saying something else? After some quiet time and reflection I’ve come face to face as to why this marriage attempt has just been impossible..,If either spouse views their mate as a recreational novelty; for self satisfying adventures, that they can take or leave with no conscience or remorse, then there is really no chance for a healthy attachment to ever evolve from that relationship....

This reality isn't one that has just started by no means, it's been there the whole 12 years...What takes so much time to come to peace with this reality is because, it's not ours, and we hate it...It's not ours in a individual sense, so we spend years fighting ourselves (like the lady who wrote anteights poem in the last post) because it's a reality that is being forced on us....It's where the term gas lighting comes from...It's that thing that is so deep that family and friends can't pick up on it, they can only see the fringes it...It has to be lived and felt....It rob's the most inward parts of our being....There is no place receptive of our love...And none returning.....

This truth will be what will help me attain a deeper level of acceptance....Being me (desiring and attempting to do the relational work, from a heat felt conviction) has had no lasting impact on the coldness and indifference I experience and see in her.....So the answer to why so many posts of this site from people with 30 or 40 + years of marriage are the same story as mine after 12 years is, because it's who they desire to be, and are capable of being in many cases...It will never be us (me)....There is power in this level of reality that can cause us to not engage them....Not because we don't love them, but, because we know God loves us, and he isn't lost on this reality....

c