Wow, I think I just threw my DH out of the apartment. Now, I'm not quite sure what to do.
He probably thinks I threw I threw him out for forgetting to look at the calendar, or forgetting a date that's important to me AGAIN, but that not really the reason.
Here's the thing, there are 8 days a year that are important to me, That I'd love him to remember, That I don't even have to write on the Calendar because they are already ON the calendar !
But I don't expect him to remember. I KNOW he has ADHD. After 8 Years of marriage, and tears, and finally reaching the end of my rope, I threatened to Divorce him if if didn't got to a doctor and get a shrink within 6 months. The results...
He FORGOT.
Honestly. The night before the deadline I broke down down into tears, and reminded him, and he told me he Forgot.
Then he told me he didn't want a divorce because he LOVES me. Why the hell would I believe that ?!?
He went to a doctor who said he was depressed and might have ADHD. Since then he has been on Welbutrin, which seems to only be making things worse. The Doctor doesn't seem interested in any input from me. And he has YET to see any counselor, for his behaviors.
I was in Healthcare for several years, with a specialty in Combative/abusive/aggressive/Dementia Patients. One might think I could handle Depression and ADHD.
Apparently I can't.
If there is a day your wife cries over your forgetting every year...and you love her.. put it on a post it note ! ! Put it in your cellphone ! Put it on ONE of your two tablets that you use to remind yourself of stuff !
But for Gods sake DO SOMETHING !
DH didn't.
So I told him that maybe he oughtta take his bag and go visit the guy who sometimes walks our dog.
Go me ?
Add: I think what I ws trying to say is that sometimes it's not the ADHD behavior that makes spouses crazy, but the lack of action or effort to change the results.
So sorry.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
So did he leave?
>>>
Here's the thing, there are 8 days a year that are important to me, That I'd love him to remember, That I don't even have to write on the Calendar because they are already ON the calendar !
>>>
Just curious...what 8 days are these? I can imagine: Bday, Christmas, anniversary, valentine's day, Mother's Day, what else?
He did. Unfortunately he
Submitted by Mayadevi on
He did. Unfortunately he came back, and we got into it again.
This time it was teh first day of fall and Yom Kippur began at sundown.
One of the days is Halloween.
The thing that really disturbs me is that we just had this fight, he knows Halloween is coming, and yet, he will not say to himself, "Gee, Halloween is an important holiday for me wife, she loves to get dressed up and give out candy to kids and get out into the world and see everyone's costumes, and do charity stuffs. Maybe I should write it down or put it on my phone or (otherwise do something that will remind him)"
He won't do any of that, and then he will tell me, " I forgot, I didn't look at the calendar", and swear up and down that he loves me so much !
Birthdays and anniversaries are hopeless. I honestly don't remember the last time I got anything but an excuse for my birthday.
it's not the "forgetting". It's the Lack of action, or thought to do anything to DEAL with the forgetting.
Hope that makes sense.
I get it
Submitted by lauren07 on
This sounds overwhelmingly familiar to me.
I got nothing for my very first Mother's Day even though he was well aware of it.
One Halloween I sat down and painstakingly made little baggies for the kids so that I could give them out. I had my pregnant belly all painted and he knew I was excited. While my back was turned, he took them all to the balcony and handed them out to a crowd. I literally cried.
I have sat with him and cried about specific things he is not do only to have him do those specific DANGEROUS things around our kid, the very next day or soon after. AND HE GOT MAD AT ME because HE FORGOT LOL
He has been out of my romantic life for years now and any love I had for him is completely gone. Now I just hope his new gf can put up with it. I like her and really feel for her.
I have to deal with him a lot and he has a very good heart, but he annoys the life out of me with his constant forgetting. I don't show him I'm mad anymore because you can't get as angry when you are already expecting the worst, so he is really happy with me now lol. He is always there for me as long as I am willing to leave constant reminders and I can work with that as long as I don't have to also be his support system and partner.
I so get this....
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
I understand completely this "death by papercuts" feeling. Our wedding anniversary was yesterday. And just like last year - nothing. Didnt remember. Of course last year he said our anniversary made him feel awkward. To say I had very little anticipation or expectation for this year is an understatement. Sad when this year is only our 4th anniversary.
I feel your pain, and I certainly can relate. You are NOT alone in this, and everything you are experiencing is not a figment of your imagination (something I was told).