This is my first post, I was diagnosed with ADD as a child and was put on Ritalin around the age of 9 and had bad side effects with mood while on it. My parents took me off of it and I went through life until I was about 28 when I talked with my doctor and got put on Adderall, I had depression issues with it and added Citalipram to deal with the depression side effect. I met my wife about a year later and have been married for about 4 years now with two beautiful daughters. I started having issues my wife would tell me with my temper and attitude, long story short I stopped taking the Adderall to try and curve the temper issue. Since then my wife and I argue all the time and she is beyond frustrated with me and the fact that I forget things and never seem to finish stuff. She also thinks I still have a temper or bad attitude.
It's been hard because I know there are things that I do that I do not know im doing it, if has effected our marriage to what seems like the breaking point, physically things have stopped between us and all i can feel is the anger and resentment towards me. I love my wife and my family and want to make things right and feel like im at a loss. I have an appointment set with my Dr tomorrow to talk about different medications I could take but don't know how to restore my marriage. The last thing I want is to go through a divorce and not see my daughters daily.
Ive tried to to get my wife to read about ADD/ADHD and what are some of the traits but she doesn't think she needs to change and that it is all me. I don't know what to do anymore. I am at a loss.
Hello Malfnet 1....
Submitted by c ur self on
This is what my counselor told me..."You are not responsible for your wife's actions...But, you are for your's" That is also kind of what most of us husbands said "I will" to in our marriage vows.....So I suggest you do what only you can do to help your marriage.
(my wife and I argue all the time) this statement you made tells me there is something you can do...refuse to argue with her...walk away, do not defend yourself if she is beating you up about your behavior...It takes two to have an argument....Based on your post it sounds like your wife has probably gotten bitter..(no sex, arguments). That is her issue to face, but, it's not your place to tell her that verbally....If you want to tell her, keep walking away, once calm is lost walk away, at the first intentional interruption by either of you walk away, etc...Most marriage's become a battle field of two people trying to inflict their control, their disdain for the others lifestyle...
It is so easy to want our spouses to just focus on the simple responsibilities that each day demands...Are you living the same way you would if you were a single Father? Working, paying the bills, seeing to your daughters welfare, house work, yard work and all the things responsible adult Father's face each day? Do you either do this faithfully, or at least share in it all with your wife?
(It's been hard because I know there are things that I do that I do not know im doing it,) This statement is a little scary, how long has this been going on? Only you can seek help for this, it's not normal...Now if you would have said...."There are things that I do, and I realize it's wrong, but I have no control over myself in the moment, and I'm always sorry afterward"....That I could have identified with....
Malfnet1...I will pray for you...I raised two girls also...It's Awesome being a Dad! And it should be Awesome being a Husband...I suggest two things, find a mature male person, counselor, pastor, Father, or friend, someone wise that you can trust....And puke up all the stuff you are dealing with, (not about your wife) about yourself....Secondly, Jesus loves you, and he will be there for you, if you will ask him to help you...He is faithful...
c ur self....