I have been a musician all my life, and have written many songs, lyrics and music to different things. I do love writing music. lyrics are harder. But, I wrote this poem about our relationship.
LOVE’S SWEET SONG
A melody sweet I sang anew,
how deeply in love, I was, with you.
Love first returned, then rarely came,
you never said why, you played this game.
You wrote me into your melody sweet
composing a sonnet, my heart skipped it's beat
A passionate music, your performance divine,
A love song to me, was your song with mine.
A melody sweet, and harmonies pure,
I heard it's call and felt it's allure,
I thought it was mine, it was my turn
to sing love's song, to feel it's yearn
It seemed so real, it felt so divine
when singing the song, I thought was mine
but just like a beautiful mockingbird's call
the song wasn't real, a copied refrain, is all.
I learned the truth, of who sang this song
someone else, someone new, was singing along,
she sang it to you, a long time ago
your heart sang her tune, and never let go.
Her words were sweet, she fanned your flame,
of passion and desire, but it wasn't the same.
In your mind, a fantasy: an immature one,
seductively quick, you cherished the fun.
You gave to her, what was rightfully mine,
kept going, kept saying, that all was fine.
You wouldn't look, at what you had done,
nor look at me, or what we'd become.
So now at myself, I'm so angry now,
hurt and betrayed, I wonder how....
how can I love, or trust anew
when deeply betrayed, I am, by you.
Why, oh why, did you wait so long.
til, every part of our song, was gone.
Did you have a point to prove, or
or in willing despair, to watch me loose?
Was it needing to be justifiably right,
or in defeat, for me to give up all fight?
So, now the strength in me is no more,
Seems, nothing left to be fighting for,
Now hearing, you’ve begun, to answer the call,
coming out, from behind, your hardened heart’s wall.
There had to be a purpose; this stand you made,
to see me crumble, loose heart, lose faith?
Whatever the reason, doesn’t matter now,
You’ve won your stance, to the victor, I bow,
Concede my feelings, hand you my sword,
To the man I loved; the man I adored.
With a smallness of hope, I pray you see,
The person, the woman, that was really me,
Finally seeing my heart, tattered and torn
Battered and broken, riddled with scorn.
Lovingly given, but the years were long.
No heart can live without Love's Sweet Song.
It broke my heart, tore my soul in two,
I'm not the same woman, in love with you.
I loved the man I thought you could be,
and didn't see the man, right in front of me.
I gave you my all, and gave too much,
held nothing back, too little? too much?
I wanted you to be, in love with me
the way I was, with you...... you see.
You wouldn't LET yourself feel that way,
for me, for us, so you strayed away.
So, why the vow and promises made,
in the first place? I ask: why did you stay?
You had to have known what the end would be,
in living that lie, so long, with me.
My tears, my fears and hurt is gone,
swallowed in whole by Love's Sweet Song
A song never sung, to me, by you,
your victory sure, achieved and askew.
The song is fading, I can barely hear,
it's call, it's hope, no longer clear,
But, you sang it loud, performed in detail,
designed in lies, and designed to fail.
How can you love, singing that song?
a song of lies, a song so long.....
designed in first, to make me leave,
a cowardly act, so true, to deceive.
I'm torn in two, it's sad, it's true,
Which way should I turn, should I run, from you?
How can I stay, when you say openly,
" Sorry...... but you're not "in love" with me".
I'd be a fool to stay..... don't you see
to keep on going on like this, and destined to be,
chained to a song, sung too long to me
Love's Sweet Song is lovely, but it's not free.
The song stole my heart and then my soul,
it's melody sweet, but it took it's toll.
I'm no longer listening nor singing along,
for my heart died, from Love's Sweet Song.
Oh Dede....
Submitted by c ur self on
This sounds like something out of a Shakespeare Play; It has me wiping my eyes...You're an Angel; and he's the biggest loser, and I don't mean his weight....
Blessings Sister...
C
C, thank you friend
Submitted by dedelight4 on
C, thank you so much for this. Sometimes it's a vulnerable thing to put your own writings "out there". But, it came from my heart. I appreciate what you said. Blessings to you, friend.
Beauty and Passion.....Dede
Submitted by kellyj on
it's so hard to say goodbye and I feel for you deeply in that I know what this is like myself. I employ you to not stop here in that your work is not done by any means. Please say goodbye but do not stop there and remain stuck within your loss. You are in the process of moving towards something better but no one can take this from from you and you have to do this alone and it is painfully difficult time and is incredibly difficult to overcome but even now I was reading your poem...I see the beauty and passion that remains in you this very minute. You have lost nothing in respect to yourself....as long as you are able to move past this and to a better place. It is normal to be angry when you feel betrayed and it may possibly be the most difficult thing to come to terms with in any rational sense of this experience since it does defy logic and reason in what your H did....when you try to apply it to your feelings and the emotions that remain in the aftermath of this. You cannot go back and change time and you cannot take that hindsight backwards or use it there to help you through this but it is normal to want an answer to something that there is not exact answer for?
What I see here is your passion and beauty. I see it ....even if your H will never see?
"It's a fool who looks for Logic...in the chambers of the heart"...and your husband is a fool as far as I can see?
"With a smallness of hope, I pray you see,
The person, the woman, that was really me,
Finally seeing my heart, tattered and torn
Battered and broken, riddled with scorn."
What I see is you Dede and you are not broken and nothing is dead. What I see is injury and hurt and anger along with your passion.....I see your beauty here Dede....even if you're husband is a fool who cannot see it. Take that passion...and use it where it will be appreciated....as I know from the past with my own experience with this....just because your husband can't....doesn't mean others will not appreciate you sense of passion and appreciate it very much just like I have in experiencing your art you shared here with everyone. You deserve more than you got.....it's time to say goodbye and let it go and turn that passion into something else where appreciation and validation of your effort will be returned in favor.
Don't give up hope...and please don't waste it on the only person who seems to have not deserved what you had to offer with very to give I return. I think the simple answer is that he didn't have what he thought he had and he didn't have it to give? This niether makes you a fool for not knowing that....or a fool for believing him because you had what he had not...and that's really the only thing that has transpired here. You haven't lost anything...but the desire to rekindle that flame if you choose not to do it. Be brave...;be strong and you don't give up on yourself most importantly. It will be returned to you...as long as you don't give up hope and remain wounded and not heal. Healing will only take place....when you turn this in a different direction but namely.....by using it for yourself...most of all. Hope for the future is all about you now....you don't need to waste any more time...but you don't need to regret any time you've already spent in getting to this place.
The only tragedy I could for tell with with you here...is not using the time you have left to share that passion with others who not only appreciate it....but will return it in favor and be thankful for all that you have to give. Wasting that...would be the only tragedy I can see here with you ....you can still be thankful for everything you will never lose which is all about you and what you have to offer which is still there but just needs a chance to heal.
Dede
J, sincere thank you
Submitted by dedelight4 on
J, your words and post touched me deeply and I am very grateful for you. (and for C, and everyone on the forum who teach me so MUCH) I wrote this sonnet back in January, right before I left my husband, and a month after he told me he was "still in love with his old girlfriend". I was VERY shattered back then. I still have my moments, but I am happy to say they don't come as often, and it's been wonderful for me to be living with my daughter and her husband. We all get along very well, and my daughter is a wonderful cook, and I've been eating "real food", instead of the very limited items I had to make for my husband. I was too thin and wasn't gaining weight from the stress and physical stuff. But, I've put on about 6 pounds, and the doctor was pleased. I feel better also from......, eating. Food CAN do that for you, LMAO.......(sorry) lol
This past month there was a bigger change to where I finalized to a greater degree the trueness that my husband "was never really "in love" with me.....and probably never". I think he thought he was, and tried to be the first few years, but it didn't last. And, that's why it was so easy for him to stray as he did. But, my life is getting much better, and just wanted you to know that. Thank YOU and C and the rest of the writers here, for your thoughts prayers, and always written with such encouragement.
My self esteem had sunk so low, I lost any insight as to where I was truly at, mentally and emotionally as well as spiritually. I ended up believing that I couldn't love any more, because I could NO LONGER TRUST MYSELF. My husband really had me believing that I was just "too emotional" and that nothing gets solved with "being emotional". Plus, we had a poor counselor in the past, who backed my husband up on this. And the counselor NEVER challenged my husband on his part in "causing' some of my self esteem issues from the cheating, which I told him felt like emotional abuse, He said I needed to "own the abuse and my part in my own abuse". This was even MORE hurtful, because he gave my husband and I no instructions on how to "rebuild" our trust, or our relationship, or even that my husband had to "come clean" on EVERYTHING. It was truly bizarre, and I felt like such a failure...It was from so MANY years of this, and being more and more isolated from others that made it even worse. No more of that.
I know life will get better now. I didn't believe that at first, and was terribly, terribly discouraged, which is not LIKE me at all. I am a very optimistic person by nature, and have mostly tried to see the better side of things. But, this marriage almost took everything I had, and THAT'S when I knew I had to go, because when the only "positive' thing you see for yourself is where you are waiting for death to come so the pain will stop,.... is NOT a good thing. So, self preservation finally took over, and I left. NOW, I can FINALLY say, I'm so glad I did.
My daughters are much happier that I left, and others are also. Something that surprised me was this: a few times, due to circumstances, I had to tell people I left my husband, and the words out of their mouths were this....."GOOD......., FINALLY".(and emphatically, lol) That has been surprising, but reassuring at the same time. It wasn't just me that was seeing that things "weren't good". Others saw it plainly, but never said. And, I had never told these people our circumstances, or that there was even any discourse. I now know they SAW it.
Anyway, thanks again so much, and ALSO.........A HUGE THANK YOU for all you postings. I LOVE READING THEM, (emphatically, lol) You have educated me, about a great many things, and I always look forward to reading more, so don't worry about how long they are. I also enjoy reading C's writings, with the passion he has as well.
Blessings to you my friend,
Dede
p.s. It did amaze me when you and C both said you could see how much passion and love I have inside, even from my writings. THANK YOU FOR THAT. I never heard that from my husband. Hearing that, even from people on line who have never MET me makes me cry, when my husband who SAID he loved me, married me,( and everything) would never say such kind things, I am a loving person, and don't have trouble showing that to others. That's one reason why I always found it so hard to understand why my husband wouldn't "love me back", when I openly and loving showed him plenty of love, and kindness, and honesty, and encouragement. I couldn't make sense of it, until being here, and learning about him, myself and more. I know I won't get most of the answers to my questions from him, but that's okay now too. I'm past that.