Submitted by Libby on 09/28/2019.
Wondering if all ADDers love the sound of their own voice. My DH talks a lot. He never met a person who wasn't his great and wonderful friend. Very social and inappropriately friendly. But when it comes to things that do need to be talked about or communicated he refuses. He seems to be limited to weather talk and gossip. Or chattering about himself. Is this an add thing?
Hmmm. Could be...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
It could be an ADD/HD thing. My fiance loves to talk. When we are alone, he has no problems discussing personal things, to do with our relationship. I do feel it is not as easy for him as it is for me, though.
Absolutely
Submitted by Sollertiae on
Although I would argue that it has almost nothing to do with 'loving the sound of their own voice.' It is also, amusingly, the one thing I find charming about my partner.
From another post I commented on, but expanded:
Many people with ADHD tend to be 'external' thinkers who project their thought processes, as in, they think aloud in order to be able to hear what they are thinking, and er, this is why it is often about them as of course your own thoughts usually are. Reasons are varied, but relate to poor ability to see the impact of their actions in real time, because they have to use so much of their processing power on getting anything to happen, and because their heads are so noisy, all the time. About 80% of anything that my partner says is him trying it on for size out aloud so that he can get a grip on it, or if it is something that interests him, so he can find the perfect articulation of it that captures precisely how passionately he feels about it to others. This means I might get a story told to me three times of something he did as he tries to find the perfect phrasing, with interspersed commentary about him being boring, and idiot, can Sollertiae stop tapping her finger, and that dog is damn loud three blocks away, omg social anxiety why does he have it, Sollertiae's hair is amazingly fluffy, how much he hates people ... and did we mention the beauty of [insert movie of the week]?
That also is the reason why even when they are alone, most ADHD people will report that they talk to themselves, sing, or make random noises - it is both how they think and a reflection of their thought. Apparently it will stop and/or minimise with correct treatment.
In addition to this, even without co-morbidities such as bi-polar II, you will find many people have 'pressured speech', where they cannot deviate until what is in their mind is spoken, no matter how inappropriate. My partner describes the sensation of pressured speech as like someone is scraping his brain with sand paper, which is only relieved by GETTING IT OUT. ADHD also means that often they are desperate to get a whole point made before they get distracted and forget which is often what is happening when you are mowed down in speech by someone with ADHD (and of course their full focus is on what they want to say, so they will not recall what you say), whether it is with friends or family. I've had my partner so desperate to try and tell a story in a linear, non interrupted way that he basically yells at me 'oh god please don't interrupt or I will never get there.' It is not that he doesn't want my input, but he has spent probably three days putting a story together in his head to make me laugh and he hates that he will spend twenty minutes talking about something entirely unrelated instead.
The not talking about things of importance? Same reasons as I avoid of that sort of thing: because it is hard, triggers anxiety, and (depending on the person) makes them vulnerable to criticism that makes everything worse. With the addition of rejection sensitivity, poor memory, and a heap of avoidance.
My husband is a talker, too.
Submitted by CoffeeMama85 on
Yup, my husband loves to talk and is super friendly to just about everyone. He also gossips quite a bit and sometimes feels guilty about it. He's also constantly texting friends or calling people on the phone. I'm a pretty talkative person too, so I generally like that about him. The only time it bothers me is when he blurts out the bad stuff and doesn't filter his words first.
Not sure about all, but, my wife and I both do it....
Submitted by c ur self on
I never remember being an external type thinker until I married my wife at 50...(sure i was to a degree)...Self talk helps me now with enforcing boundaries on myself to not react to my wife's life style....Most things that cause self talk in me is things related to dysfunctional living by others...(alcoholic/dependent brother, Dad w/ severe dementia, and high level add wife)...These three have caused a lot of self talk for me, driving down the road and when I am alone....The reason for this is simple...I feel I need to hear it out loud, (also it's my default now, w/ people stresses) because it helps me to rid myself of the stress, caused by them being unaffected by anything I could possibly say to them about their own lack of healthy living, and their unconcern about the effects it has on those who care for them...It also brings me to a state of internal peace, where I can keep my boundaries in force, and not enable...Because I have to make acceptance of them, a daily attitude, to keep myself in check (stress level down)... ***If any good and responsible change happen's in their lives, it will never be related to me stressfully pointing it out***....I use to make these soliloquies, monologues, but that just caused damaged feelings and relationships...I had to accept that people loved their life styles of dependence, and using others for their perceived benefit....And, stressful talking about the issues wasn't helping, or stopping the issues...Nor was it giving me the power to step away and not enable....(There is no good results that ever comes from giving wise advice to a closed mind, it is stress producing and damaging...People have to want help, and they will seek it out, when the road gets painful enough, or die in their justifications...)
***Me changing was the only thing that stopped the enabling**** Boundaries and learning to say NO, and sticking to it, has been a major late life hurdle for me, as you can tell by my post....
My wife talks a lot...She is very engaging and doesn't track talk time very well....She over engages at times, it's not always appropriate, , but I have also learned w/ her it's not intentionally inappropriate...She goes from one extreme to the other a lot....If she is locked on to old movies, and TV programs....She may not say a word for hours on end....But, if her thoughts are dominated by getting ready for work, she will walk through the house talking and looking for things...Panties, shoes, uniforms, keys, purse, iphone...You name it...If I am here (in the line of fire) it's will u ring my phone, will u help me hunt my purse, will u look for me some socks, will u, will u,...This is her normal....:)...
She is also a presser....She's like a child begging our company, adult children, friends, or me, to play games with her...She has very little patients for calm adult conversation....Her mind just stay's to sped up for that...It's a side effect to her focus tables...(adderall)....They called stuff like that speed, when I was in high school..:)
It all adds up to mind that is mostly self absorbed....It's not totally intentional.....
Blessings
c
Talks alot
Submitted by How Long will t... on
You just described my husband!!!!