Hey there - once I have been a happy person, secure and valued, relaxed and energetic. But, that is a long long time ago. My husband and me are separated since nearly three month now and finally I do start to feel better, bit by bit. Get to see that I am not insane, that I do not need to get an psychiatric evaluation done. Honestly, without my parents I would have totally lost it. My husband tries/tried to tell me that I am the reason why he had repeatedly anger outbursts these last month. I am frustrating him, I do trigger him et c. He did receive his ADD diagnosis last year and did start Ritalin. After that, he slowly started to get moody, obsessed and explosive without any reason. He started to misinterpret messages and did not want to accept when I did tell him that it was not the way I had said it/ meant it. But without succsess.He would not believe me. He tries to force me to admit things I never meant or said. I can see that misunderstandings happen and that I am not perfect either, but it should be enough when I do tell him that it was not meant that way. However, he always did got angry, telling me that it is not true. I felt frightened and tired and could not handle it anymore. I just can't talk with him anymore. He does not trust or believes me.I did walk on eggshells, afraid when his mood would start to drop and when he would start again trying to find a reason to yell at me or belittle me. Now we are separated and it has only gotten worse. He is telling his side of the story to family members and our pastor from church who tries to counsel him, making them believe of course that I am the problem. He says that we have conflicts and I do not want to reflect my own behavior and the part I do have in making him angry. He even managed in making siblings of me believe that I am the unreasonable one, even our pastor is confused and does not know which story is true.
I have always loved my husband, in spite of some of his more difficult ADD traits. But he does not see how much he is hurting me with telling those lies. Maybe it is his perception, but nevertheless they are unrealistic, just not true. He stopped Ritalin now and maybe that stops his anger outbursts who happened to often last months. But how to move forward? He wants me to apologize and finally see my part in making him angry. Right now the whole family is confused because of the way he tells the happenings just a bit different, denies having said things and misinterpreting even emails.When he reacted in anger before, he always apologized but not anymore, I am the one who is to blame and he wants me to finally admit it, even if I do not know where he is talking about...
What to do? He even denies his ADD diagnosis and wants to go to get a second opinion - probably to try to make the psychiatrist believe that it can't be true...and our pastor does not believe me. How could he, my husband is so smart in making people believe whatever it is.
Could his behavior be caused from Ritalin?
you are not the reason for
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
you are not the reason for the outbursts. Your partner is the reason for the outbursts. He needs to be in therapy.
Do not let him blame you for his behaviors.
He says that we have conflicts and I do not want to reflect my o
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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He says that we have conflicts and I do not want to reflect my own behavior and the part I do have in making him angry. He even managed in making siblings of me believe that I am the unreasonable one, even our pastor is confused and does not know which story is true.
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Do you have or can you download an app on your phone that voice records? My H had his therapist totally convinced that he is "the nicest guy in the world". Well, H left a VERY NASTY message on our son's voicemail...it was hateful, threatening, and unbelievable. My son called my H's therapist after hours, knowing that he'd get the message machine. When the therapist's message machine started, our son introduced himself, mentioned that his dad (my H) had been misleading the therapist, and then my son played voicemail, which then recorded onto the therapist's own message machine. After that, his therapist changed her tune. H could no longer convince her that he is such an angel. Seriously, H would actually often say, "I'm the nicest guy in the world." So not true.
If I were you, I would start recording your H every time he's angry and saying ugly things. Then, when people act like they don't know what to believe, play some of these recordings.
I had several recordings of my H saying horrible things, really vicious things. I live in a state where "mental cruelty" can be proved in court and the innocent party can get more money in a divorce. Once H's attorney found out that I had recorded H and she heard the recordings, she advised him to drop the divorce proceedings because she suspected that the judge would give me a much larger share than half of our estate.
In most states, you do not need the other person's permission to record them w/o permission as long as you are part of the conversation. And you never need anyone's permission to record someone in a public setting.
These are the ONLY states in the US where you'd need your H's permission to record him: California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington.