Hey everyone. My ADHD husband and I have had some ongoing issues with him and money. Not sure if this is ADHD related but heck probably all his struggles are to some extent, so here I am.
We have been married for almost a year and have been together since 2009. My credit is pretty good (720 or so and going up all the time) but i do have lots of law school loans and im slowly chipping away at my credit debt from my school days. Ive never once paid anything late, ever. I am an extremely organized person. I keep track of every expense in Excel, track and analyze expenses if I want to shift things around, plan by weekly budgets usually 5 months out, and have a detailed spreadsheet of all expenses we will need (up front and after the fact) for buying a house. Im a real estate attorney so im pretty familiar with this stuff...and it's my nature to research and plan for things and methodically solve my problems. At least I'd like to think so.
My husband on the other hand has had a history of letting medical bills and a few others go to collections. I can tell from the way we talk about things he doesn't have a 100% clear understanding of how credit scores/reports work, like, he thought a deragotory collection account was "okay" if you're paying the collector installments. I tried to explain NUMEROUS TIMES....anything in the deragatory category is BAD, VERY BAD, get rid of it ASAP....unlike paying as agreed on your installment and revolving credit, paying as agreed on collections DOES NOTHING FOR your credit, it just keeps you out of them taking you to court to garnish your wages. Anyway, things like that, where he was totally screwing himself bc he is just assuming things.
One great thing he did was pay down his $20,000 in credit debt from 2008-2013. When he got done I told him he needs to immediately open a credit card and start building good credit at 20-30% utilization or less, but first check your score.....if you see your score is low, you dont want to get a hard inquiry on a credit card and get denied, thatll only lower your score more - if its low you may want to just get a secured credit card right off the bat. He didnt check his score. He didnt know what a secured card was but he gave me a run around about how it is like a checking account and doesnt help your credit (made no sense), and he went ahead and applied for a regular card, got denied. I again reiterated, open a secured credit card.
I also told him for years, not only check your report and score, sign up for FICO or something and track stuff and get an understanding of where you need to improve. He just signed up for FICO recently.
Last year when we were getting married I insisted we should just go down to the courthouse for free, and then have a nice dinner with our parents, and plan a honeymoon/vacation later on. He insisted he made good money and hes "out of debt now" (meaning credit debt) so its cool, and reassured me several times that to elope and then have a catered party for our family would be totally within our means. While we did do it, and it was affordable - went away for a week and got married/honeymoon/dress/etc all in for $5000 and a party for family for $7000 - $12,000 we paid out of pocket as we made it last year. Great right? Well i get a collections bill in the mail in the fall, he owed like $4000 in medical bills - the same ones i had been telling him to et rid of and that he lead me to believe were gone when we were making wedding decisions. I confront him and he also admits he still owes $2000 to federal govt. He paid the tax bill out of our wedding gift money, at my insistence. I also insisted he pay off the medical bills out of it too, but he didnt. he just kept saying it was being "taken care of".
I spent the entire past year repeatedly reminding him to open a secured credit card. He asks a bank as a soft inquiry in the fall about a mortgage and they told him theyd deny him bc of "no revolving vcredit history" and :outstanding collections accounts." Duh....what i have been saying ALL ALONG.
Two weeks ago in front of his parents we are talking about buying a house and his parents ask him hwat his credit score is. He had told me in the past "around 680". To them hes like "600." I get in a huge fight with him - here we are saving money....looking at houses casually, telling our parents were looking, and his credit is SHOT. The man now makes $100,000 a year, and otehr than those collections debts, had ZERO DEBT FOR YEARS, and has a 600 score. After i went off on him pretty nastily about it that weekend, last week he FINALLY paid off the medical collection debt and opened a secured credit card. Had he done these things when i mentioned them years earlier, we wouldnt be in this situation right now.
So then I printed out his credit score this week and found one error, and also researched and found that you can write your previous creditors a "goodwill letter" explaining your situation and asking for them to help get your previous debt erased form your report. The two issues on his are the medical debts and a cable bill. Well, he paid the cable bill and weve been paying this cable company $250 a month, on time, FOR YEARS....and i googled it and some people have had luck with p a goodwill letter with this cable company. The orthopedic surgeon through whom his medical debt was with is someone hes gone to for some stuff both before and after the surgery that went to colections - someone he knows well bc he plays a club sport and the guy is the doctor for the whole team and knows them all well and gets oodles of business from all of them. I sat down and had flagged the one error and then the two collectiosn, and as always, he wont listen. Hes arguing, doesnt care what I have to say, is fighting me, and while im trying to be nice and upbeat about all of it, he accuses me of trying to make him feel stupid. He insists there is "never a good time to talk about this stuff."
I just dont know what to do. I am not perfect either, im working to improve my financials and credit all the time, and i dont judge people for their past financial mistakes...but i DO judge the fact that he has had blatant opportunities to improve his (and our) situation and has wilfully disregarded them, and not only that, when i was the one that researched options (secrued credit cards, goodwill letters, all the ins and outs of ways to hurt and improve your credit, what we will need to get approved for a mortgage, etc), he just treats me with complete impatience, annoyance and disdain. He wants all the same things i do in life - good credit, savings, retirement, a house, to continue to live within our means in the future like weve been doing the past couple of years since both our incomes have gotten really good - and yet, he fights me every step of the way - treats me like an adversary the minute I want to sit down and talk about what obstacles are still in our way and the strategies to overcome them. I feel we are so lucky to have the internet and know how to figure out exactly what we ned to do to improve our situation, and $$ wise, the resources to make things happen.....
I hate fighting with him over this. I feel like he is his own worst enemy when it comes to money. He acts like because he makes $100,000 and he paid off credit cards two years ago that everything else will just work itself out, and how dare I try and interject on "his" issues. "its beign taken care of" he always says in a huff...but then it doesnt. I feel SO BAD SAYING IT but i feel forced to when he acts like that - ill say "youve made $100,000 for two years now and good money the years before that. youve had no loans or credit debt for awhile. we live modestly, and you have a 600 credit score. its NOT being taken care of."
I feel so sad to have to confront these issues with him bc i worry im emasculating him or somehting - i dont WANT to make him feel bad, its all very awkward, but it needs to be dealt with and he by his own devices has demonstrated that he cant/wont deal with this stuff properly. I dont know what to do. Its a huge issue in our marriage right now. He pouts and acts childish when it gets brought up. I just dont get it how someone who is so good at his sales job and business stuff at work, can be a completely oblvious person about his own personal financial situation and constantly be sticking his head in the sand and telling himself and me itll all just "work itself out." what can i do to deal with all this - while imrpvigin our financial situation but also not hurting our marriage???
Money, money, money
Submitted by sunlight on
Differences over money are often cited as the most common reason for divorce. It looks as though you and he have different philosophies and you've always had these differences, you're going to have an ongoing struggle over this unless you just take control. Presumably you're not in a community property state otherwise his debts would be your debts. But options now look pretty simple:
1/ Control all finances. Get his salary into an account you have access to and set up savings and investment accounts as you deem appropriate. Give him an allowance. You buy the house and safeguard your own finances by ensuring he can't sabotage you (intentionally or accidentally through not paying attention)
2/ Carry on as you are, nagging and mothering (you are doing both these), until both of you are tired of it then do 1) or 3). He really is not interested and also he has been prepared to lie to you (the credit score, the marriage expense after you wanted a courthouse ceremony) until he's caught, while you go along enabling and believing him until the truth comes out. Expect more of the same if you pick this option. If he hasn't changed now he isn't going to change (okay, he might change if he had to live on his own and pay his own bills). (By the way, lying and deceit are not good signs).
3/ Divorce
"He wants all the same things i do in life - good credit, savings, retirement, a house, to continue to live within our means in the future like weve been doing the past couple of years"
The difference is that he's not prepared to work on these wants, while you are. Don't expect that to magically change or he would have changed before marriage. Consider just one practical instance - if you buy a house together then buying it is the easy part - maintenance will always be there (budget a percentage price of the house per year) and it looks like you will be the one fixing the AC, roof, wiring and heating, and taking care of it all once the exciting glow wears off. Be sure you want to live that way. The same for kids or for anything that requires long term commitment and focus (retirement saving and so on). This may or may not be ADHD related - plenty of people without ADHD don't care about their financial futures either and happily engage in magical thinking.
''"He wants all the same
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
''"He wants all the same things i do in life - good credit, savings, retirement, a house, to continue to live within our means in the future like we've been doing the past couple of years."
Well....my H wants those things, too. He says he wants them. And when he's in a good mood, he makes "genuine" promises. But, then the impulsive ADHD bug bites him and suddenly he's insisting that we need to "buy this" or "do that"....things that are very expensive. He'll even go as far as "promise" our kids something expensive and then say that he can't "back down" now because he "promised" (without checking with me, first, of course)
Thank goodness H's company had a company-provided pension because he kept raiding his 401K. If we had to rely on that, we'd be in the poor house now.
There is something about ADHD and money....they often don't mix!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Some with ADHD are TIGHT with money, but likely that is from something from their birth family.
I've found that unless something is "right in their face" they forget about it. I can't tell you how many times my H would say, "oh we have the money for that," and he'd insist that we buy something only to find out later that he "forgot" about some big expense....taxes, insurance, ??? He'd remember fixed monthly expenses like the mortgage, but not those once or twice a year expenses....like property taxes or car insurance. And he'd forget about "new" monthly expenses....like a new satellite bill.
Before we sold our last home, he hired our lawn guys to paint our home (without asking me). they had said something to him about needing more work to do, and H asked them to paint our home! When H told me later, H downplayed the whole thing by claiming it was only going to cost us $800...and that we could afford it. ha! that was just for labor. We spent well over a $1000 in paint, primer, brushes, rollers.....money that we didn't have! Later, H made excuses about "not knowing how expensive exterior paint is" and such.
Then, he found some guy who said he could fix H's car for $400. Ha! It cost over $2500 by the time he fixed it. Again, H made all kinds of excuses. Most of this stuff happens because H doesn't ask ALL the necessary questions....he's a terrible "business person".
H doesn't look at the details of a credit card bill and that bit us BADLY once. He had the cable bill on HIS credit card bill that ONLy he looked at. Well, we stopped cable and got satellite. Then....a FEW YEARS LATER, I happened to see his credit card bill laying out (he usually kept it in his "hands off" work briefcase. Well, THERE WAS THE CABLE BILL on there. We had been charged MONTHLY for years for a service we had cancelled. We had brought back the boxes, etc.....but someohw the cable company never really canceleld. And they refused to credit us....this meant we paid several THOUSAND dollars for a service we never got.
Yes, I should have insisted on seeing the cc bill, but he would get very angry....like I didn't trust him.
And, yes, I should have insisted on a budget and accountability but he would get ANGRY about that , too. So, now I just keep the money separate, and everything is on auto-pay and I can see THAT online banking.
My mother in law (total ADHD) was horrible with money. My H is the same. For years, my H hid that he was bad with money (and still he insists that he's good with money!!!), and I stupidly believed him. Later I found out that he he was "writing credit checks" to pay bills, which only added to debt that I knew little about.
Since he's been retired, things have actually gotten better because now he gets his pension ONCE a month....so we've set up all bills on autopay and they all get paid within days of when his pension money goes in.
That has been a life-saver since before he got paid weekly and was always counting on "Friday's check" to cover purchases that were made a few days before...he'd hope that checks wouldn't go thru until Friday....and he'd often bounce checks. Hw wouldn't set up auto-pay before because he claimed that he was never sure if money would be there on the auto-pay day. So, now with checks coming once a month, we know what days money will be there.. che gets paid on the first, so if auto-pay is on the 3rd, then that covers any delays if the First falls on a Saturday.
Also....I do NOT let him have access to the income from my business. He gets mad about this, but I can't have any money troubles there. I just can't. I have explained to him that when a spouse has a business, even if legally it's owned by both (because of community property), that doesn't mean that both spouses have access to accounts. His dad had a business and his mom likely did NOT have access to the business accts.
There is a disconnect
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
What I have experienced is that there is some disconnect that happens between outstanding bills, debts, income and the current thing that needs to be purchased. . Not sure what or how it plays through - but it does.
There was a time I had charts on the wall - big charts, along the whole wall, so myself, my spouse and our 2 children - who were in their teens at the time - could see exactly where our financial situation was. And how the budget was going to help us "All Get On The Same Page with Our Spending." And understand where the money goes. PLUS, if you do not tell your money where to go - as in specific items in the budget - it GOES. Nickled and dimed away.
My plan failed dismally.
When everyone cannot get on the same page it is a disaster. I did not ever mind being the Bean-counter in the family. Budgets, charts, graphs, goals - those are what I enjoy doing. Even if no one else ever looked at the stuff, but could believe me when I say, "There is no extra cash. or We are getting behind. or We have debt." The possibilities were endless. The trust factor was not there.
Liz
,<<<<
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
,<<<<
There was a time I had charts on the wall - big charts, along the whole wall, so myself, my spouse and our 2 children - who were in their teens at the time - could see exactly where our financial situation was. And how the budget was going to help us "All Get On The Same Page with Our Spending." And understand where the money goes. PLUS, if you do not tell your money where to go - as in specific items in the budget - it GOES. Nickled and dimed away.
<<<<
When I read this, I thought....what a great idea!....only to then see where you wrote that it failed. :(
I know that some people go back to the old "envelope system" but that doesn't work since so much gets paid electronically these days.
I would like to put my H on a "prepaid debit card" but I know that he would get mad the first time he'd use it and find out that he went thru all his money.
Much has improved since H retired because he's often with me so I can put a halt to most of his impulse spending. Before, he'd stop at GAS stations!!! to buy energy drinks , gatorade, or whatever. And, since those are consumed purchases (nothing to show for it), he'd later act innocent and say, "look around the house, have I bought any of this?" . Uh, no. All his spending is consumed...meals out, pricey drinks, booze, gym memberships, facials, massages, etc.
I once bought a dog blanket for $15 and he flipped out....we STILL use that dog blanket 11 years later!!! But $15 worth of booze goes in one end and out the other in no time. hmmmmmmm
Things cannot work if the guidelines are not followed
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
It failed not because it was a poor idea , it failed because that disconnect happened and I was doing it all alone.
And as for a $15.00 dog blanket versus $15.00 for booze, That is the charm of the budget. Each person had a set amount of money each week "to do as they pleased" You want a blanket, he wants booze. I buy scrapbook paper, he goes to an auction. I eat lunch out, he buys some random item that means something for him. Totally up to each person to decide the value of how they chose to spend their alloted amount of money each week. I may think what he bought was a waste, he may think what I bought was a waste. I may want to save mine over several weeks to purchase a large item.
Mutual respect. OF COURSE, one would have to get to the willingness to follow the basic parts of the budget first.
It never worked for me.
The principle is sound.
Liz
My husband hates talking
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My husband hates talking about money and finances. I pay almost all the bills, make most financial decisions on my own, and he seems OK with that. We're doing OK money-wise these days, so not many things come up that seem worth "stressing" my husband by me bringing them up. But there are certain financial decisions that, I think, just need to be made by both spouses, or at least discussed. It is very trying.
Being self empolyed
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
My spouse owns his own construction business. Things were lean in the winter months. The budget would have been tight - but workable. I always panicked when my spouse would get angry and not understand why bills were not paid. I couldn't get through to the way he thought about "how hard he worked versus how much $$$ was in the bank." This was another one of those trust factors for me. By anger and accusatory tones "where did the money go?" I just felt panicky and guilty - - for no good reason, other than I did not know better. I SHOULD have sisd, "Sorry. this administrative job of running your business is more than I can handle with the lack of communication and having any sort of budget guidelines. You need to hire a financial person and let me free of this stress. This is not the job for me."
To me it is simple, you can't spend more than you make. And you gotta have a plan.
I spent many years doing the " Let's just fix this anger and make it all smooth. Rob Peter to pay Paul, consolidate bills to lower payments, use credit cards.' I made a multitude of poor choices to calm the home front. It was futile anyway. All it actually did was perpetuate the issue.
We never did any high living either. No buying boats or fancy cars ever just appeared in our driveway.
Just living beyond our means.
Liz
ADHD and being self employed
Submitted by dedelight4 on
LIz, you said your husband has his own construction business. I just find it interesting that MOST men with ADHD have to have their OWN businesses. It must be that they can't stand "working for somebody". My husband has always had his own "side" music business which has never done very well. It brings in a few dollars here and there, but the output is ALWAYS more than any kind of input. He always told me "My father said you never get ahead working for someone else". My husband has held that mantra his entire life, but he has never been able to run a business to where it generates any kind of money.
This is even in many of the ADHD books........about ADHD'ers and having their own businesses. They don't like having to take orders. They want to keep their own hours and they feel more "in control" when they are THE BOSS. But, they just don't seem to "get it" when it comes to being a SUCCESS in business. My husband doesn't take criticisms well, thinks he knows a lot more than he does, and HATES to have someone else tweak his work. But, you NEED those things in order for your products to evolve.
True....many ADHD men can only work for themselves
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My H's family all have ADHD and Executive Management Disorder. The boys, particularly, cannot work for others very well.
My Father in Law (FIL) led the pack. When he got out of college a gazillion years ago, he went to work for a large insurance company (either All State or State Farm). After a VERY short time (don't know the exact time, but I'm guessing about year), FIL quit to open his own "independent" insurance agency. For a long time, I never understood why. FIL never made much money, even though he had his agency for over 50 years (at first, he worked out of his home, and then later he luckily had a VERY low rent office and had no employees....he worked out some deal with the building owner.....FIL rented a small room in the building and Fil provided some insurance deal for him).
Anyway....FIL was ALWAYS bragging about owning his won business and "not working for the man". He was always saying that. later, MIL told us that FIL did extremely little work....no marketing, no advertising.....he just sat in his office all day watching TV or reading magazines or newspapers. Since he was "independent", he had no "quotas" to worry about....which the big company had. MIL got wise once the kids were grown and she went to "work" for him answering the phone . She was shocked to see that FIL did nothing all day long. Any business they got was simply "dumb luck"....someone calling from their yellow pages listing.
My uncle had an independent insurance agency 10 miles away from FIL....my uncle died with MILLIONS in the bank. My FIL died with very little money....the only savings he had was from his own parents' death.
H has a brother with a PhD in physics...he couldn't work for anyone, and hasn't worked in over 30 years.
H has another brother who is an atty. He works for himself, but his wife is angry at him because he refuses to work more than 25 hours per week.
H's younger brother has had a VERY spotty work history.
H lucked out that his job had "flex time" and little supervision....so it was like working for himself. However, after 25 years like that, his job changed. Then for the last 5 years things became like a "real job" and he hated it. He's now retired.
So, yes, ADHD people do have a hard time working for others....and if they don't just "not work", then they work for themselves.
Yeah I notice that I have to
Submitted by kathy1208 on
Yeah I notice that I have to keep on him about things EVERY DAY....and then he complains that he has to hear from me about "money and credit stuff every single day and he doesn't want to hear about it every single day." But it's like, ok, if you don't hear about something daily it instantaneously slips your mind.
He also got extremely insecure and dramatic and emotional about how my talking about HIS credit issues makes him feel. YOU make me feel this, YOU make me feel that, when you say THIS I feel THIS and you say THAT I feel THAT.
.......It's very childish, bc at the end of the day, this isn't about him, or his feeings, or me, or mine, it's just an attempt on my part to resolve issues moving forward, without placing blame or guilting anyone for past stuff. I don't care about what happened in the past, only that we do our best moving forward.
One comment he made, about a medical bill he incurred when he got laid off, was how he will "never forgive himself" for that $4000 mistake - that he shouldv'e gotten the COBRA insurance promprly and he didn't, and here he is, etc....and I was like, you HAVE to forgive yourself for that! you got laid off, it seemed like EVERYONE was in late 2009 - the economy was tanking, things were scary, you did your best and found a job as fast as you could, and this came of it, and it stinks, but you did ok considering the circumstances, let's just figure out how best to deal with it moving forward...and he again was like NO I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!!!
It's like he'd rather wallow and be emotional and self-loathing and dramatic than taking some time to accept it for what it is, forgive himself, and just look at it objectively moving forward.
We went back and forth all weekend about this stuff and I am to the point where I am done talking with him about it. I already pay the bills, and he's been put on notice of the many options he has for disputing a couple things and trying to get those collections off his report. He has that secured card open now and so he will have to keep up with that, which I believe he will do that okay.
I finally gave him some space, told him he needs to be FORTHRIGHT WITH ME in the future about all financial stuff - update me on his credit score when he gets his report every three months, always let me know what's going on. He said he was sorry he misled me in the past, he was too ashamed and overwhelmed about his mistakes and so he used avoidance, which was wrong. I also told him just stick to our savings schedule and we will take another 24 months to improve his score and save money. The collections should all be off his report around early 2017 (7 year mark, thank god), so even if he doesn't try every strategy to get them off before then, like I would, at least there's that.
I am kind of relieved now that I've decided to put 24 months in between us and trying to qualify for a mortgage. I just don't think he has matured enough to tackle his credit problems with the gusto that some people may - he kept describing the entire process of worrying about credit and the pressure of possibly buying a new house in 12 months (despite his really wanting one) "stressful and overhwelming." on the other hand I simply look at things as "tasks to be done to provide ourselves with opportunities to buy a house - exciting stuff".
Once i gave him the space with the parameters that he keep up timely payments, keep up the savings, keep me apprised of his credit reports, and we will consider a house in 2017 when the credit stuff drops off, he finally calmed down enough about stuff to day ok, i will also look into seeing if i can get those medical debts removed earlier in the next couple of months. Once he stopped seeing it as an obligation, he finally admitted it wasn't such a bad idea.
Thanks everyone! It is really tough to navigate money with this guy. He is 100x's better than he was before I met him, but he's not entirely there yet. A couple years and incorporating good credit practices a LITTLE at a time will go a long way. That, and stealthily planning on the keeping things marching forward stuff being as much in my control as possible.
"It's like he'd rather wallow
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
"It's like he'd rather wallow and be emotional and self-loathing and dramatic than taking some time to accept it for what it is, forgive himself, and just look at it objectively moving forward."
Same here. I understand the stress of dealing with and talking about money but I'm also pretty matter of fact; acknowledge the feelings (about money or whatever) and then move on to trying to fix the problem. My husband would much rather wallow.
I don't understand why they
Submitted by kathy1208 on
I don't understand why they do that. My husband is the first to say, accept the things you cannot change and focus on the things you can - he believes it in THEORY but as to these money things he couldn't be further from following that idea. The emotion and irrationality he interjects into any conversation about this stuff make it hard to discuss objectively like adults. The thing that gets REALLY maddening is when he gets so riled up and he tries to say I "make him feel bad" and I KNOW full well I don't do that, he does it to himself. Oh well. He is in a position, probably for the first time in a decade, where he's set himself up for his score to start going up rather than down. I warned him that the inquiry for his new creidt card may drop it even further at first but he needs to be patient. Overall, credit scores are quirky and take a lot of hard work and you don't get immediate results. He obviously doesn't do well with things like that and gets discouraged easily.
Your husband and mine seem to
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Your husband and mine seem to follow the same (il)logic in this area: we (the wives) know from experience that they (the husbands) get upset talking about money. So if the wives talk about money and the husbands get upset, the husbands say that the wives made it happen by talking about money.
haha! Yep. Last night I went
Submitted by kathy1208 on
haha! Yep. Last night I went to a friend's house to get out and get away from these discussions and my husband sent me this long email going on and on about our interactions about it all. I've never heard so much about a man's feelings (the negative ones, all caused by me of course) - I don't see a point in talking that much about past debts unless your talking about what you can do to improve your situation. I've ONLY ever brought up his past debts in the context of "here is an idea/opportunity for possibly fixing X or Y!". I honestly couldn't be reminding him of his debts in a healthier or more productive way than that, and if he can't handle that, well, then im stuck.
I knew last night that I had to throw in the towel about all this for good at a certain point. Last thursday when I first started discussing things he could do, he got impatient and bit my head off because I was "over-explaining WHY ____ should be done. I need to do _____. Ok, I get it."
Fast forward to last night, he says "when you talk about ways I can imrpvoe my credit situation, you dont explain WHY somethign should be done, you just bark orders telling me what to do without explainng why!"
This was the point at which I remembered the inaugural kickoff to this fight, the statement above about how i was rubbing him the wrong way by explaining stuff too much, and I pointed that out to him....he basically did what he always does when I catch him in an outright contradiction, he denied that it happened that way. Ohw ell, I know in my heart of hearts it's not about HOW I explain it, or anything about me, he keeps making it about him, and blaming me for the feeings he is unable to handle, and I can't do anythign about that! EVen though the arguments the past few days have sucked, I hope hes done some reflecting on his role in improving his credit.