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Does she medicate? Stimulates? other drugs or alcohol?....ADHD itself is a problem as for as emotional stability is concerned....Many add people have their worst times trying to go to sleep (stimulates effect) and waking up (hang over effects from stimulate's) Your wanting something that isn't possible with this person, on any regular basis....Expectations have to be replaced with "acceptance of her reality"....."What is possible for peaceful interaction??" She will never be be able to match your ability to (or even your desire) be this emotionally stable and happy morning person....More than likely :)
One thing she can do that will help is, have a bottle of water and her meds at her bedside, set an alarm 1 hour before she has to get up, take her meds, role over and sleep that hour w/ meds in system....This is done with children with adhd that do not function in the am w/ out high emotion...
Like I said, you will need to step back and ask yourself what is possible, not what you want...If you have to have what you want, then you should consider moving on....She will have to help herself....
As soon as I came into the living room from my bedroom (yes, we had separate bedrooms) in the morning he would start complaining about something until he was hopping mad. It didn’t matter what I said or didn’t say, he would work himself up like this regularly. It’s like he needed the stimulation the anger gave him. He would feed off of his own anger and keep looking for things to be angry about. It is soooo exhausting to witness this pattern day after day. You can’t change a person like this. The only way for you to have a normal, peaceful home is to move on and find someone else.
That’s funny, C, that you would assume that. That is what a normal man might feel, but in our case it was exactly opposite. His morning anger came first, and his chronic anger was the reason I wanted to sleep in my own room. Anger is a huge turn off. Add to this his bad habit of staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning on the computer, then coming to bed and wanting to “talk” without the slightest insight or consideration that I was fast asleep, and you have my situation.
I wasn't completely serious. (sadly) I do like to throw positive normal thoughts out from time to time, alas we forget...I've learned to accept that "I'm all that exists, I'm all I can care about mindset"... But I don't want to ever forget that's not me (us)... I got in it for the "normal" beauty and wonders of loving and sharing as one flesh... That's who I am, and always will be... Hope your day is filled with Joy!
I hope this link comes through but if it doesn't, you can find it on YouTube if you search: Eckhart Tolle anger and pessimism.
I just came back to check in and saw this post about anger. Me, having ADHD, it's something I've definitely had to confront and deal with especially in terms of emotional lability and allowing my anger to take control of me verses me having control of it.
There's really only one path I've found to gain control of this issue, and Eckart Tolle describes the steps I have to take to make sure I stay in control. He does this better than I could ever do so I thought it would worth sharing.
Nice to see some familiar folks still hanging around in the forum. I'm currently not in a relationship ( nor looking for one ) and have decided to remain single (and celebate) so I can focus on working on me for the time being. How long this will continue, I haven't a clue?? Lol Maybe indefinitely...who knows?
Not much to say. But I as the ADD person. I need my meds to kick in.That is usually about an hour.And a couple cups of coffee. Then I am semi ready to jump into the day.
I know it doesn't make it feel any better. But maybe I have explained it better than she has been able to so far . I feel bad for those that feel hurt by my/our morning routine
(I feel bad for those that feel hurt by my/our morning routine)
If we who are married to someone who may be hugely different for us, ever learn to calmly know ourselves, and calmly make awareness statements about what we have determined is facts about ourselves...The facts we show each day by our visible living...Then we can move away from wanting what isn't possible, and have peace with what is possible....
But human's rarely accept reality so easily, when it goes against what they want.....So out pops all the dysfunction, (negative emotion, judgement, accusations, you need fixed, you need drugs,).
Many people's minds (living of life) are so overwhelmed by what others do without a thought, and that may be just getting out of bed.....If a person's living of life shows little to no ability (no matter the reason) to produce calm moments of sharing, thoughtfulness of others needs, and the ability to communicate calmly about any subject, that has to be recognized and respected as the reality that nature & nurture has brought them to...
Not everyone's life works well in relationship....There are many who's high volume of self need, (lived out) only works well alone.... When this reality is calmly recognized, and accepted, then all our questions about what is possible become clear.
What's the Old Stone's song say?....You can't always get what you want....:)
You just might find, you get what you need. And it seems for me, that is separated. I'm tired of being the only one still trying. I'm tired of dealing with issues head on while H buries his head in the sand. I'm tired of accepting the childish behaviors and always settling for less, or worse, nothing at all. I'm tired of listening to empty promises and excuses. I'm tired of keeping all the balls in the air. I'm just tired of it all.
Most of us I read about here, who have worn ourselves out, and carry the deep scars from TRYING...Have to find a less burdensome road in life, than the one that links us verbally, emotionally, or mentally to a mind that has little or no ability to hear or care...For me it has to be acceptance of what I do not like, and acceptance of the reality of what is....The analogy I draw in my mind, concerning this relationship dysfunction we're discussing is....We are drowning men/women who are only 10 foot off shore, frantically wailing our arms and screaming, and we know we are going to be saved because our spouse is standing on the bank...But as we look to them, we don't ever seem to get their attention, then we watch as they jump into the water in another direction and swim way beyond us to get to an object they were hyper focused on....But right before we drown, we catch a stranger's eye, and they reach down into the water and bring us to safety....Eventually our spouse comes around and spots us still in some distress, and say's out loud in front of the on-lookers who have assembled...."What happened?" You tell them that you almost drowned, while they stood 10 foot away, then they look at you and say, "why didn't you call to me?"
At some point adhd32 I have to accept what is possible, and walk from ever putting any trust, or relationship expectations, on the reality of this kind of mind....Not unless I don't care enough of about myself to live as a basket case the rest of my life....
I put a post on my Facebook page about the effects of certain mind types in relationship....I knew it would effect people in different ways, that is why I did it... (just to bring light and maybe a little understanding to dark places)...I got the three effects I thought....Normal minds mostly couldn't grasp people actually lived this way....Hurting people who have been exposed to this mind types understood....And people who mirror's these behaviors (mind type), got anger and attacked....It accomplished what it needed to, bringing intrusive and abusive actions into the light always will.....No matter what it seems like when the light is just reveled....
It''s common
Submitted by c ur self on
Does she medicate? Stimulates? other drugs or alcohol?....ADHD itself is a problem as for as emotional stability is concerned....Many add people have their worst times trying to go to sleep (stimulates effect) and waking up (hang over effects from stimulate's) Your wanting something that isn't possible with this person, on any regular basis....Expectations have to be replaced with "acceptance of her reality"....."What is possible for peaceful interaction??" She will never be be able to match your ability to (or even your desire) be this emotionally stable and happy morning person....More than likely :)
One thing she can do that will help is, have a bottle of water and her meds at her bedside, set an alarm 1 hour before she has to get up, take her meds, role over and sleep that hour w/ meds in system....This is done with children with adhd that do not function in the am w/ out high emotion...
Like I said, you will need to step back and ask yourself what is possible, not what you want...If you have to have what you want, then you should consider moving on....She will have to help herself....
c
My ex had morning anger too.
Submitted by sickandtired on
As soon as I came into the living room from my bedroom (yes, we had separate bedrooms) in the morning he would start complaining about something until he was hopping mad. It didn’t matter what I said or didn’t say, he would work himself up like this regularly. It’s like he needed the stimulation the anger gave him. He would feed off of his own anger and keep looking for things to be angry about. It is soooo exhausting to witness this pattern day after day. You can’t change a person like this. The only way for you to have a normal, peaceful home is to move on and find someone else.
Separate bedrooms!
Submitted by c ur self on
awwww..maybe he was so ornery, because he was missing getting to snuggle w/ his beautiful wife ;)
c
Ha Ha
Submitted by sickandtired on
That’s funny, C, that you would assume that. That is what a normal man might feel, but in our case it was exactly opposite. His morning anger came first, and his chronic anger was the reason I wanted to sleep in my own room. Anger is a huge turn off. Add to this his bad habit of staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning on the computer, then coming to bed and wanting to “talk” without the slightest insight or consideration that I was fast asleep, and you have my situation.
Normal
Submitted by c ur self on
I wasn't completely serious. (sadly) I do like to throw positive normal thoughts out from time to time, alas we forget...I've learned to accept that "I'm all that exists, I'm all I can care about mindset"... But I don't want to ever forget that's not me (us)... I got in it for the "normal" beauty and wonders of loving and sharing as one flesh... That's who I am, and always will be... Hope your day is filled with Joy!
Thanks C
Submitted by sickandtired on
EVERY day is full of joy for me since I found my wonderful NORMAL husband :)
<3
Submitted by c ur self on
That's so great!
c
Hello everyone....This is the path.
Submitted by J on
I hope this link comes through but if it doesn't, you can find it on YouTube if you search: Eckhart Tolle anger and pessimism.
I just came back to check in and saw this post about anger. Me, having ADHD, it's something I've definitely had to confront and deal with especially in terms of emotional lability and allowing my anger to take control of me verses me having control of it.
There's really only one path I've found to gain control of this issue, and Eckart Tolle describes the steps I have to take to make sure I stay in control. He does this better than I could ever do so I thought it would worth sharing.
Nice to see some familiar folks still hanging around in the forum. I'm currently not in a relationship ( nor looking for one ) and have decided to remain single (and celebate) so I can focus on working on me for the time being. How long this will continue, I haven't a clue?? Lol Maybe indefinitely...who knows?
J
https://youtu.be/aqX5IFKYFWk
Not much to say. BUt I as the ADD person. I need my meds to kick
Submitted by adickted2 on
Not much to say. But I as the ADD person. I need my meds to kick in.That is usually about an hour.And a couple cups of coffee. Then I am semi ready to jump into the day.
I know it doesn't make it feel any better. But maybe I have explained it better than she has been able to so far . I feel bad for those that feel hurt by my/our morning routine
Hang in there
It's about acceptance.....
Submitted by c ur self on
(I feel bad for those that feel hurt by my/our morning routine)
If we who are married to someone who may be hugely different for us, ever learn to calmly know ourselves, and calmly make awareness statements about what we have determined is facts about ourselves...The facts we show each day by our visible living...Then we can move away from wanting what isn't possible, and have peace with what is possible....
But human's rarely accept reality so easily, when it goes against what they want.....So out pops all the dysfunction, (negative emotion, judgement, accusations, you need fixed, you need drugs,).
Many people's minds (living of life) are so overwhelmed by what others do without a thought, and that may be just getting out of bed.....If a person's living of life shows little to no ability (no matter the reason) to produce calm moments of sharing, thoughtfulness of others needs, and the ability to communicate calmly about any subject, that has to be recognized and respected as the reality that nature & nurture has brought them to...
Not everyone's life works well in relationship....There are many who's high volume of self need, (lived out) only works well alone.... When this reality is calmly recognized, and accepted, then all our questions about what is possible become clear.
What's the Old Stone's song say?....You can't always get what you want....:)
c
But, if you try sometimes,
Submitted by adhd32 on
You just might find, you get what you need. And it seems for me, that is separated. I'm tired of being the only one still trying. I'm tired of dealing with issues head on while H buries his head in the sand. I'm tired of accepting the childish behaviors and always settling for less, or worse, nothing at all. I'm tired of listening to empty promises and excuses. I'm tired of keeping all the balls in the air. I'm just tired of it all.
I was wondering if the song would get finished :)
Submitted by c ur self on
Most of us I read about here, who have worn ourselves out, and carry the deep scars from TRYING...Have to find a less burdensome road in life, than the one that links us verbally, emotionally, or mentally to a mind that has little or no ability to hear or care...For me it has to be acceptance of what I do not like, and acceptance of the reality of what is....The analogy I draw in my mind, concerning this relationship dysfunction we're discussing is....We are drowning men/women who are only 10 foot off shore, frantically wailing our arms and screaming, and we know we are going to be saved because our spouse is standing on the bank...But as we look to them, we don't ever seem to get their attention, then we watch as they jump into the water in another direction and swim way beyond us to get to an object they were hyper focused on....But right before we drown, we catch a stranger's eye, and they reach down into the water and bring us to safety....Eventually our spouse comes around and spots us still in some distress, and say's out loud in front of the on-lookers who have assembled...."What happened?" You tell them that you almost drowned, while they stood 10 foot away, then they look at you and say, "why didn't you call to me?"
At some point adhd32 I have to accept what is possible, and walk from ever putting any trust, or relationship expectations, on the reality of this kind of mind....Not unless I don't care enough of about myself to live as a basket case the rest of my life....
I put a post on my Facebook page about the effects of certain mind types in relationship....I knew it would effect people in different ways, that is why I did it... (just to bring light and maybe a little understanding to dark places)...I got the three effects I thought....Normal minds mostly couldn't grasp people actually lived this way....Hurting people who have been exposed to this mind types understood....And people who mirror's these behaviors (mind type), got anger and attacked....It accomplished what it needed to, bringing intrusive and abusive actions into the light always will.....No matter what it seems like when the light is just reveled....
Bless you!
c