I went to a therapist a couple of years ago, and then stopped. Since then, H has regularly complained that I need to return (to work on "my" issues...lol). One reason I stopped going was because my T didn't feel that there was anything wrong with me, except that I needed TO DO LESS for my H! (which of course, he wouldn't like to have happen!!)
Anyway....so I started going back to that same T. I do NOT discuss with my H what the T and I talk about. However, that hasn't stopped H from having meltdowns around the time of my T visits. Two days ago, I casually mentioned to H that an order was being delivered for my business. A text had popped up on my phone, notifying me of the delivery and I just casually said, "oh, the X is being delivered today." (no biggie, right) This is a topic that should NOT evoke any kind of negative response. As an aside....There had been NO DISCUSSIONS about my upcoming T meeting at all.
But suddenly H says, "oh, of course you haven't told your T about how good I am about letting you order what you want." (the business pays for it, not H) So, obviously, my upcoming visit had been "in his head" for awhile and he suddenly "found a way" to weasel it into a conversation in a negative way.
I told him not to assume what I have or haven't said to my T. He got angry and has been angry ever since (so for two days)
I want to add....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
One reason that I don't discuss what my T and I have talked about is because no matter what I say, H will take it badly....even if HE isn't even mentioned. If I tell him he wasn't mentioned, then he says that he should have been mentioned...and that I should have "bragged on him" like he does to his T about me.
Yes....I need to explain.....as much as my H blames me for all things....and I do mean ALL THINGS.....he is also my biggest fan (and I don't deserve much of what he says! lol)....He'll tell people that I'm the smartest person he knows (and this annoys his law degree and PhD -carrying siblings...lol), and he'll tell them that we wouldn't have anything if it weren't for me, and that I'm 99.99% right about anything I say (I guess, but not when he's upset at me...lol), that I'm a great mom, that I'm very creative, that I'm a great cook, and so on and so on..
But frankly, I don't have many things to "brag" about H. What am I supposed to brag about? I'm glad that he had a good job and has a great retirement, and I do mention that. but, besides that...what am I supposed to say? Uh...he goes to the gym a lot. Uh, he won a few games today playing computer chess. Uh, he takes out the trash. Uh, he hasn't had a drink in 9 days... there isn't much to brag about. And, it's hard to brag about someone who is extremely moody, gets emotional over nothing, is unstable, is unreliable, etc.
He's been an unreliable father to our kids. He's also upset them horribly many times. Yes, he's been a good provider financially, but he's ruined vacations, holidays, etc....so our kids don't even like him (and he blames ME for that!)
Hi Overwhelmedwife....
Submitted by c ur self on
I've always tried to be responsible, but, once I realized the person I married, I had to get better and much more active at many things just for survival...Your husband sounds like my wife...Lots of insecurities...Love language is always going to be affirmation...That's why you are getting so much of it....He is trying to show you what he needs...It's like me and Physical touch ;)...I'm always flirting w/ my wife because I wike it!!!....He is looking for things to feel good about himself....Blessings OWW....
Yes....he is looking for ways to feel good about himself....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
But does it ever cross an ADHD mind that if they're not nice, then people aren't going to think/say nice things about them?
At this point, H has no friends. Two of his last friends have recently "told him off".....for whining, complaining, and blaming others. So, now he has no friends.
add/adhd?
Submitted by c ur self on
Sometimes, or in my opinion much of the time...the things that are going on with us is much deeper than a fast mind...A person will make excuses for their behavior add or not...Self-awareness can be a bummer...Blaming and Denial is much easier than all the accountability and apologizing..YUK :(