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For me, being a man with ADHD, it makes me look back and recount where I have made mistakes and what I did "wrong". I find if diffiuclt to see things as "wrong" and "right" from a moral stand point, since the ADHD is not a moral thing? It is a "functional' problem or dysfunction at times do to a phyical thing which from a more objective stand point...."right" and "wrong" has nothing to do with it? The specifics of your story here are no what is most importand or telling to me? What is most telling his "hiding", keeping "secrets" or living a "secret life" out of fear of someone finding out? I don't care what it is.....it is this "secret life" thing that is most telling? And ...not wanting to talk about it?
I think this is the most telling part...along with what you put into yourself? As you said...you allowed things to happen and you didn't speak up or saying anything? You just saw things....but you did nothing...but you were also shocked when you saw something that you didn't expect and you judged that in terms of "right " or "wrong"...which means you "judged" your husbands actions....to mean "a specific thing". Being or feeling "judged" is a big part of it for someone like me....whether it's "right" or "wrong"....that is left up to interpretation depending on what you are talking about and how that made you feel? An opinion per se.....is simply what you think and feel about any topic at hand? It is just an opinion none the less.....making a moral judgement about it....is up to each and every individual in terms of "right" and "wrong".
I've gotten into debates on this kind of topic before ( not about porn or masterbating ) but anything controversial like this you can name? And you know, the first thing EVERONE always says as their first response coming from the other side of any debate like this? "Well...so I guess what you are saying that is, that it's Okay to murder people? That's what you are saying? That murdering people is not "wrong"?
I don't know why that is....but I can almost predict this kind of response when I get into any debate or conflict that involves some moral judgement in terms of "rigtht" and "wrong"? It is a moral judgemen of course....any time it comes down to one of two options? If it's "right".....then what can be the only other possibility here? "Wrong"....would have to be...the only other possibility no matter what it is? This kind of judging others.....is a real problem for someone with ADHD since ADHD is not a moral issue and you don't do them because you lack morals or intelligence? You do them mainly do to impulsivity....but where each person draws the line....actaully does come from morals, character and integrity for the most part? It's where the line is drawn I think....but the impusivity still remains? Hiding, secrecy and lving a double life....I think you could fairly say is not exclusive to having ADHD? As my T has always said which I agree with him completely now even if I didn't in the past?
"a person who refuses to take responsibilty....is a victim" Morre than anything else as the bottom line here? That's the problem.....MORE than anything else. Not owning his behavior, is at the core of the abuse you recieved and yes, it does or can cause PTSD but I will only say from a compassionate place in my heart for you......."what are you going to do it about it now? " If you succomb to the abuse and sucoomb to the PTSD you have as you say and don't take responsibility for you part to play....you end up a victim like he is......and that is what I would avoid at all costs for your own well being and your own getting past it.....you need to own it, and find a way to fogive and not judge. You will only hurt yourself if you can't learn to do that?
Isn't that what Jesus would do....as you learned from him being a Catholic? There's you answer right there? Own it and wear it? If you are going to talk the talk....you 've got to walk the walk? That is the hard road, it ain't easy that's for sure. I fail all the time...but I still keep trying? I can fogive myself for that....as well as anyone esle who is willing to try? I don't want to ....or I don't want to talk about it.....is Bullshit in my mind? That's more of a red flag than anything else if I look back and see where I went wrong in my past? Or simply being afraid to do so...and not saying anygthing or not doing anything about it? Isn't that what you are saying to? You allowed it to happen? There you go......me too I understand this coming from both sides now.
I included this video once before, but I think this is a great example of what I'm callig the real deal, right stuff or any way you want to say it. In brief once again, this video shows a track runner named Kendra Harrison who completely missed her opportunity to go to the Olympic games last summer due to a poor performance at the qualifying meet in Eugene Oregon at Hayward Field. They've held the Olympic Trials there for years since it is a historic track field that has long history ( as well as a famous track coach "Hayward" as the name says ) who coached runners like Steve Prefontain and Phil Knight, who went on to invent the waffle tread running shoe and then went on to sell shoes under the name of "Nike". I actually watched Steve Prefonatain once run at this very field and it was a memorable event to watch him do his thing and run the distance events he was so famous for running.
Anyway, enough background about the Olympic Trials , the point being that this track is considered one of the fastest tracks in the country, except for Kendra Harrison who took 6th place in the trials there and was a wash out and didn't get to go to the Olympics even though she was considered one of the fastest runner in the 100m hurdle event. Ironically, two weeks later in London in a meet prior to the Olympic games, Harrison was seeded in this final heat next to the very two women who were going to the Olympics in her place . What I wanted to point out as you watch this video, is the look at each competitor before the race as they introduced them one by one to the crowd. If you notice one thing that stands out here since you will know the outcome already is the look on Kendra Harrisons face compared to any of the other competitors. This is what I notice before the race even begins. If you study the faces of all the other competitors and then look at Kendra Harrison....there is no fear or trepidation on her face what so ever. She has no air of being nervous or showing signs of any distractions by the crowd or the other competitors. She is locked in, and has her game face on and you can tell just by her demeanor that it is different than any of the other competitors. She smiles and gives a courtesy wave, but she is not at all paying attention to the crowd or anyone else since she's there to do only one thing and that is to run the race she didn't run 2 weeks earlier when she completely failed and washed out and didn't ge the honor of representing her country in the upcoming Olympic games.
I just wanted to show an example of all the things I've mentioned here before but to actually show what it looks like, when you dig down deep and find it in yourself to become greater than you are. To go beyond just breaking even and going through the wall and pulling something out of no where and doing the miraculous. This is also the "power of three" in action. Mind, body, and spirit...coming together as one. I just wanted to take another peak at what happens when you harness the power of three and to see what happens in real time which is quite obvious to watch when you see this video. Every runner in this event, is a world class athlete and in fact ( as I mentioned ) two of them beat Kendra Harrison 2 weeks earlier and were preparing to go to the Olympic games for the USA....while Kendra Harrison would sit that out and be side lined as a spectator.
Second chances...is what this is all about. It's not about the failure two weeks earlier, it is about the heart of a champion and what that means and how that manifests into action. This is the real deal right here and is worth taking a closer look to watch for all the things I'm saying. I really don't think it matters what you are talking about whether its running a track race of baking a cake at home. One of the 4 Agreements which I subscribe to whole heartedly says, always do your best. It you know you've done your best on any given day, then you can be satisfied with the results no matter what anyone else says? As long as you know it, then you own it. That is what "owning it" is all about. Knowing you did your best, and you gave your all regardless of the results. It just shows itself more in some cases more than others that's all. This is one of those times, it's pretty hard not to notice which is why I thought it would be a good example of what happens when you own it...and you wear it. Walking the walk..and talking the talk.....that's what this video shows and shows this so well, better than any other example I can think of? Kendra Harrison, is definitely NOT a victim...just to show you what that looks like, 2 weeks after she completely failed to keep her promise that she said she would do, and quite clearly, she kept her promise. It just happened two weeks later and she needed one more try to get there. One more thing to mention here. The record that she broke here, had stood longer than Kendra Harrison had been alive ( was set before she was born. ....simply amazing )
You, like I, was acting like a "50s wife". I have all too often been guilty of giving up what I wanted and losing touch with my own identity for the sake of keeping a man. Everything we were told from Sunday School, to girl scouts, to popular TV shows, to our culture told us: "Sacrifice is love. Marriage and Love is forever." The good girl stuck by her man. Loved through the tough patches. This is what I did too. You didn't do wrong. We taught to be that way, trying to be the best us we could be with what we were taught and what we knew and in the meantime we were the unlucky ones who are/were tied to someone who was not able to love and care and partner with us at least half way. They took and took and didn't even realize they were taking. We gave and gave and gave and thought we were an infinate fount....We are now realizing that a person can't just give and give without being filled up now and then. We gave ourselves away. And at my late age, I am challenged (not giving up but challenged) to find my way back to feeling OK with myself....trying to find the old self who was a better me. I hope you keep finding your true and good and happy self back again. Me too.
You were just following the instructions you were told and handed a script to follow and you followed it. That script was written a long time ago by someone else who was not you. That play was already in progress when you were born and you just walked right into it without knowing any better. Just like me, and just like anyone at that time. Time to follow a different script I might say? The one you write that has your name on the bottom of it, not the one you were handed and told to follow. Just like Herb Brooks said...."this is your time, now go out there and take it" That's what I'm talking about, you can do it. It's a state of mind after all...it's what's on the inside, not the outside that counts?
And just a side note here just to mention in speaking about porn. If you watched the video, those are some fine female bodies if I do say so myself. Very sexy indeed but the point of me mentioning it....those bodies didn't come from working out in the gym to "look good".....those bodies got that way from the inside out? The fact that they are "fine"....was a benefit or reward....it wasn't the goal? If the goal was only to look good, then they never would have gone to that much work to get there? You can't get there from here, that's what I keep saying. Bottom up...not top down. Inside out...not outside in. It the goal is to appear "good looking" but only on the outside...then that's a sham and it's fake. Phoney baloney...it ain't the real deal. Just like our President and his family. Rich and arrogant and self-righteous as Hell. Top down....instead of the bottom up. If you recall, his Grand entrance at the Republican Convention? With "We Are the Champions"...blaring in the back ground with a fake fog machine going and with him acting like a complete dick head? With his fake comb over hair and fake persona? Fake...is the operand word here? He's a big time loser not a winner...as he claims. He definitely talks the talk...but doesn't walk, the walk.
Kendra Harrison....has more talent in her little toe nail than Donald Trump has in his entire body. We are the Champions my ass.....petewy!! He is NOT...the real deal what so ever in fact, he's fake along with the rest of his entire entourage. Secret life, and the whole nine yards.
And as far as watching these barely clad women running down the track like Thourobred race horses, that gets me off big time. That's porn of a different kind right there, they got it going on for sure. I have no problem saying so either. LOL
Thank You For Sharing Your Story
Submitted by kellyj on
For me, being a man with ADHD, it makes me look back and recount where I have made mistakes and what I did "wrong". I find if diffiuclt to see things as "wrong" and "right" from a moral stand point, since the ADHD is not a moral thing? It is a "functional' problem or dysfunction at times do to a phyical thing which from a more objective stand point...."right" and "wrong" has nothing to do with it? The specifics of your story here are no what is most importand or telling to me? What is most telling his "hiding", keeping "secrets" or living a "secret life" out of fear of someone finding out? I don't care what it is.....it is this "secret life" thing that is most telling? And ...not wanting to talk about it?
I think this is the most telling part...along with what you put into yourself? As you said...you allowed things to happen and you didn't speak up or saying anything? You just saw things....but you did nothing...but you were also shocked when you saw something that you didn't expect and you judged that in terms of "right " or "wrong"...which means you "judged" your husbands actions....to mean "a specific thing". Being or feeling "judged" is a big part of it for someone like me....whether it's "right" or "wrong"....that is left up to interpretation depending on what you are talking about and how that made you feel? An opinion per se.....is simply what you think and feel about any topic at hand? It is just an opinion none the less.....making a moral judgement about it....is up to each and every individual in terms of "right" and "wrong".
I've gotten into debates on this kind of topic before ( not about porn or masterbating ) but anything controversial like this you can name? And you know, the first thing EVERONE always says as their first response coming from the other side of any debate like this? "Well...so I guess what you are saying that is, that it's Okay to murder people? That's what you are saying? That murdering people is not "wrong"?
I don't know why that is....but I can almost predict this kind of response when I get into any debate or conflict that involves some moral judgement in terms of "rigtht" and "wrong"? It is a moral judgemen of course....any time it comes down to one of two options? If it's "right".....then what can be the only other possibility here? "Wrong"....would have to be...the only other possibility no matter what it is? This kind of judging others.....is a real problem for someone with ADHD since ADHD is not a moral issue and you don't do them because you lack morals or intelligence? You do them mainly do to impulsivity....but where each person draws the line....actaully does come from morals, character and integrity for the most part? It's where the line is drawn I think....but the impusivity still remains? Hiding, secrecy and lving a double life....I think you could fairly say is not exclusive to having ADHD? As my T has always said which I agree with him completely now even if I didn't in the past?
"a person who refuses to take responsibilty....is a victim" Morre than anything else as the bottom line here? That's the problem.....MORE than anything else. Not owning his behavior, is at the core of the abuse you recieved and yes, it does or can cause PTSD but I will only say from a compassionate place in my heart for you......."what are you going to do it about it now? " If you succomb to the abuse and sucoomb to the PTSD you have as you say and don't take responsibility for you part to play....you end up a victim like he is......and that is what I would avoid at all costs for your own well being and your own getting past it.....you need to own it, and find a way to fogive and not judge. You will only hurt yourself if you can't learn to do that?
Isn't that what Jesus would do....as you learned from him being a Catholic? There's you answer right there? Own it and wear it? If you are going to talk the talk....you 've got to walk the walk? That is the hard road, it ain't easy that's for sure. I fail all the time...but I still keep trying? I can fogive myself for that....as well as anyone esle who is willing to try? I don't want to ....or I don't want to talk about it.....is Bullshit in my mind? That's more of a red flag than anything else if I look back and see where I went wrong in my past? Or simply being afraid to do so...and not saying anygthing or not doing anything about it? Isn't that what you are saying to? You allowed it to happen? There you go......me too I understand this coming from both sides now.
J
Owning It........Second Chances
Submitted by kellyj on
I included this video once before, but I think this is a great example of what I'm callig the real deal, right stuff or any way you want to say it. In brief once again, this video shows a track runner named Kendra Harrison who completely missed her opportunity to go to the Olympic games last summer due to a poor performance at the qualifying meet in Eugene Oregon at Hayward Field. They've held the Olympic Trials there for years since it is a historic track field that has long history ( as well as a famous track coach "Hayward" as the name says ) who coached runners like Steve Prefontain and Phil Knight, who went on to invent the waffle tread running shoe and then went on to sell shoes under the name of "Nike". I actually watched Steve Prefonatain once run at this very field and it was a memorable event to watch him do his thing and run the distance events he was so famous for running.
Anyway, enough background about the Olympic Trials , the point being that this track is considered one of the fastest tracks in the country, except for Kendra Harrison who took 6th place in the trials there and was a wash out and didn't get to go to the Olympics even though she was considered one of the fastest runner in the 100m hurdle event. Ironically, two weeks later in London in a meet prior to the Olympic games, Harrison was seeded in this final heat next to the very two women who were going to the Olympics in her place . What I wanted to point out as you watch this video, is the look at each competitor before the race as they introduced them one by one to the crowd. If you notice one thing that stands out here since you will know the outcome already is the look on Kendra Harrisons face compared to any of the other competitors. This is what I notice before the race even begins. If you study the faces of all the other competitors and then look at Kendra Harrison....there is no fear or trepidation on her face what so ever. She has no air of being nervous or showing signs of any distractions by the crowd or the other competitors. She is locked in, and has her game face on and you can tell just by her demeanor that it is different than any of the other competitors. She smiles and gives a courtesy wave, but she is not at all paying attention to the crowd or anyone else since she's there to do only one thing and that is to run the race she didn't run 2 weeks earlier when she completely failed and washed out and didn't ge the honor of representing her country in the upcoming Olympic games.
I just wanted to show an example of all the things I've mentioned here before but to actually show what it looks like, when you dig down deep and find it in yourself to become greater than you are. To go beyond just breaking even and going through the wall and pulling something out of no where and doing the miraculous. This is also the "power of three" in action. Mind, body, and spirit...coming together as one. I just wanted to take another peak at what happens when you harness the power of three and to see what happens in real time which is quite obvious to watch when you see this video. Every runner in this event, is a world class athlete and in fact ( as I mentioned ) two of them beat Kendra Harrison 2 weeks earlier and were preparing to go to the Olympic games for the USA....while Kendra Harrison would sit that out and be side lined as a spectator.
Second chances...is what this is all about. It's not about the failure two weeks earlier, it is about the heart of a champion and what that means and how that manifests into action. This is the real deal right here and is worth taking a closer look to watch for all the things I'm saying. I really don't think it matters what you are talking about whether its running a track race of baking a cake at home. One of the 4 Agreements which I subscribe to whole heartedly says, always do your best. It you know you've done your best on any given day, then you can be satisfied with the results no matter what anyone else says? As long as you know it, then you own it. That is what "owning it" is all about. Knowing you did your best, and you gave your all regardless of the results. It just shows itself more in some cases more than others that's all. This is one of those times, it's pretty hard not to notice which is why I thought it would be a good example of what happens when you own it...and you wear it. Walking the walk..and talking the talk.....that's what this video shows and shows this so well, better than any other example I can think of? Kendra Harrison, is definitely NOT a victim...just to show you what that looks like, 2 weeks after she completely failed to keep her promise that she said she would do, and quite clearly, she kept her promise. It just happened two weeks later and she needed one more try to get there. One more thing to mention here. The record that she broke here, had stood longer than Kendra Harrison had been alive ( was set before she was born. ....simply amazing )
https://youtu.be/q4ECL7NHTs8
J
I, too, stopped showing up in my own life
Submitted by jennalemone on
You, like I, was acting like a "50s wife". I have all too often been guilty of giving up what I wanted and losing touch with my own identity for the sake of keeping a man. Everything we were told from Sunday School, to girl scouts, to popular TV shows, to our culture told us: "Sacrifice is love. Marriage and Love is forever." The good girl stuck by her man. Loved through the tough patches. This is what I did too. You didn't do wrong. We taught to be that way, trying to be the best us we could be with what we were taught and what we knew and in the meantime we were the unlucky ones who are/were tied to someone who was not able to love and care and partner with us at least half way. They took and took and didn't even realize they were taking. We gave and gave and gave and thought we were an infinate fount....We are now realizing that a person can't just give and give without being filled up now and then. We gave ourselves away. And at my late age, I am challenged (not giving up but challenged) to find my way back to feeling OK with myself....trying to find the old self who was a better me. I hope you keep finding your true and good and happy self back again. Me too.
Jenne.......Don't Beat Yourself Up
Submitted by kellyj on
You were just following the instructions you were told and handed a script to follow and you followed it. That script was written a long time ago by someone else who was not you. That play was already in progress when you were born and you just walked right into it without knowing any better. Just like me, and just like anyone at that time. Time to follow a different script I might say? The one you write that has your name on the bottom of it, not the one you were handed and told to follow. Just like Herb Brooks said...."this is your time, now go out there and take it" That's what I'm talking about, you can do it. It's a state of mind after all...it's what's on the inside, not the outside that counts?
And just a side note here just to mention in speaking about porn. If you watched the video, those are some fine female bodies if I do say so myself. Very sexy indeed but the point of me mentioning it....those bodies didn't come from working out in the gym to "look good".....those bodies got that way from the inside out? The fact that they are "fine"....was a benefit or reward....it wasn't the goal? If the goal was only to look good, then they never would have gone to that much work to get there? You can't get there from here, that's what I keep saying. Bottom up...not top down. Inside out...not outside in. It the goal is to appear "good looking" but only on the outside...then that's a sham and it's fake. Phoney baloney...it ain't the real deal. Just like our President and his family. Rich and arrogant and self-righteous as Hell. Top down....instead of the bottom up. If you recall, his Grand entrance at the Republican Convention? With "We Are the Champions"...blaring in the back ground with a fake fog machine going and with him acting like a complete dick head? With his fake comb over hair and fake persona? Fake...is the operand word here? He's a big time loser not a winner...as he claims. He definitely talks the talk...but doesn't walk, the walk.
Kendra Harrison....has more talent in her little toe nail than Donald Trump has in his entire body. We are the Champions my ass.....petewy!! He is NOT...the real deal what so ever in fact, he's fake along with the rest of his entire entourage. Secret life, and the whole nine yards.
And as far as watching these barely clad women running down the track like Thourobred race horses, that gets me off big time. That's porn of a different kind right there, they got it going on for sure. I have no problem saying so either. LOL
J