Submitted by Emeraldloo on 08/14/2012.
My husband an I have been together for 7 years. It has been frustrating but I pushed through in hopes whatever was wrong would work out as he is amazing. Sometimes I couldn't believe things he would do. I would feel forgotten about, lied to, ignored. Then loved wholeheartedly like nothing happened.
This week we discovered the problem is ADHD. I have such mixed emotions! A realease of the bitterness of the times I felt ignored. A letting go of all the wondering why I would get so confused. Feeling better about my standards and not feeling so out of line. But at the same time, a little hopeless that it will improve. I feel I need to stop hounding him to do things and do it all myself because it won't happen. And so discouraged about money. I thought that he just hadn't learned about it but now I worry he could never understand it. Money I a big problem.
I am relieved and upset to have a diagnoses :(
1 year diagnosis
Submitted by DaniAlex on
I've been married 22 years and have struggled with my husbands behavior and personality a lot. A year ago he initiated marriage counseling because I admitted to an emotional affair. I found out in the first counseling session that he had probably been molested and might have aphasia. I knew he had dyslexia (although never got full admission from him directly). He hasn't done much over the last year to deal with his issues which are tremendous! I could write a book on our history and how it's been a struggle. I am still having an emotional affair and he said he loves me. I feel like I am waiting for my husband to work on himself-he claims he is-but I see little change. I am not gainfully employed (due to my husband's miscommunication about our life plans together!!) and feel like when I am it could be adios amigos! I don't want to leave in a flurry of hurt and anger. I have gone to counseling on my own and gotten some support for myself. I need a lot of help from you and conversation about what to do and to feel okay.
Hi Emeraldloo, it's great you
Submitted by DaniAlex on
Hi Emeraldloo, it's great you got a diagnosis. Read my post below and see how frustrated I am after 22 years-never got a diagnosis and not sure what all he has. My husband had money issues too. Not a lack of but anxiety over money. Since he knows he has problems he worries terribly about losing his job. He complained about my income out of fear so I've changed my career twice in order to make more. Now I have a Master's degree but still unemployed. It seemed like whatever I did to improve my income he never felt totally comfortable anyway. Finally I found a free financial planner through Lutheran Social Services and set up a very constrained budget on paper and have stuck with it for 1 1/2 years. It was one of the best things I've ever done in my entire life. He seems a little more relaxed about money. Of course I have to spearhead it and pick up the slack. He does make good money and likes his job and works hard.
I asked my husband before we got married if he had problems, specifically dyslexia, he said no. Not sure if the the dyslexia, aphasia and whatever he has prevents him from telling the truth or acknowledging it. Two days ago he was fixing wires in the entertainment center in the living room and found an abandoned CD on the shelf. He picked it up and looked at it and said, "What's this". It shocked me be because 1 1/2 years ago it was one of his fav CDs a friend at work made for him and we listened to it on the way to the cabin a few times in the summer of 2011. I reminded him of that and he listened to it and it still was unfamiliar to him. Now I wonder all the time what he acknowledges or retains.