I am with my husband 8 years, married 2, and he "claims" to have adhd, but was never formally diagnosed...we already see a therapist, although most recently ive been asked not to bring certain things up so im not sure even what we are accomplishing...my husband has a hx of drug abuse and has been taking adderall for many many years...but not as prescribed... He'll fill his 30 day supply and it will be gone in 4 days...for a while i started taking his script and not allow him to fill it... But now he's of course manipulated me to feel like he's entitled to it... Telling me that without it he has no sex drive, doesnt want to be with me physically... Tells me he's the best i'll ever have so i should be thankful for the adderall, etc. Granted, in other respects he's great with cleaning, cooking, etc, but he even just recently quit his job and if it wasnt for me sending out his resume, he'd have no prospects...and even callbacks he takes days to answer sometimes...but meanwhile says he'd never be without a job...
he also recently does not get along with my parents which puts a very stressful strain on me... My dad is not a super easy person by any means to get along with, but even after a huge blowout with my dad and putting him in his spot, my husband still goes on late night rants and raves picking apart even the most simple of statements that seem very benign to me, but that he constantly finds as somehow insulting to him... He is short tempered, barely sleeps and when he does its restless... He either is always tired and depressed, cant be bothered, or awake hypersexual and i cant keep up... Ive even been told when i initiate sex it doesnt count if he wasnt in the mood... In other words when hes high and hypersexual, thats the only sex he wants... And its like 2 hrs of me pleasuring him to the point of exhaustion, watching endless porn clips, etc. Its not fun anymore...i even caught him parousing craigslist ads to fulfill his sexual fantasies when i couldnt keep up...
in one breath he loves me, i make him a better person, cant imagine life without me, how lucky he is....and in the next breath im this terrible person who doesnt fulfill him sexually, cant stand my parents, am unattractive and no one wil have me besides him, that he could have whoever he wants, breaking stuff around the house during his raving, etc...
im really starting to see and feel like this wasnt the man i fell in love with... I do feel like i am falling out of love with him if i really havent already... I question everyday if it would be easier alone...we dont have kids...as much as i hated being single, being married to someone who doesnt make you happy is not so great either...i do still care for him, but at what point is enough enough...
Addiction
Submitted by kellyj on
That is the main problem your dealing with from what you said. This is very concerning IMHO. When you said he goes through his Adderal script in 4 days I went Whoa! If I did that I would be in the emergency room right now. To put this into perspective for you....if I even take 20mg more than my usual dose....it no longer is doing my ADHD symptoms any good and only makes everything worse. My daily dose for example is 40-60mg (max). Four days for me would be the equivalent to 460mg per day (23 20mg pills) That's not just abuse....that's a serious addiction! If his tolerance is that high and he can function at all taking this much.....I would be questioning if he is not finding another source or some other form of amphetamine during the rest of the month? Like I said....if I took that much all at one time I would be really ill or in a very bad way. You can't go from 0 to 460mg unless you've got a tolerance built up over time of constant use to be able to handle that kind of dose. I would really be questioning this if I were you? Not him but quietly yourself that is. If he is addicted to amphetamines ( including meth, cocaine, speed? )....you will not get a straight answer from him concerning this. I would say his ADHD is the least of your concerns right now. Just my two bits.
J
He does have a tolerance
Submitted by Xoliswthrtox on
He does have a tolerance because he has used adderall for years- this is what he does apparently is go on these benders, use somewhere btw 300mg and 400mg a sitting and then the rest of the month is spent sleeping and recovering... Hes had addiction to plenty of drugs in the past, and i believe sex now too... And uses me and my inadequacies to prove why he needs to take it like this... Its miserable, esp when he's already overcome so much and what we've been through... Hes not a bad person but i cant take this anymore... He never came to bed last night, i got up around 4am to see where he was and use the bathroom, we had had a great night together... At 4am hes telling me that what my father said at dinner about how his friend from childhood hasnt changed at all was a personal slight to him in some effed up way... Ranting and raving at 4am... He finally came to bed maybe around 9am and has been sleeping ever since... Not sure if im supposed to wake him, or let him sleep, ill likely be repremanded for either...so heres to sitting alone all day on what he wanted to be a good weekend... For who i guess the question stands...
Yeah...I've Seen This Too
Submitted by kellyj on
I think it's similar to binge drinking.....mass quantities for maximum effect. Going for the peak high every time. I still think this qualifies as addiction. Once they start...they can't stop. I have seen this before back in the day when I was out and about partying (in my early 20's). All I have to say is man...that's got to be hard on your system. No wonder he's up ranting and raving....talk about extreme swings. Ooh boy! How can you possibly get stable and regulate yourself when you do this? There's no way anyone can. The crash and burn has got to be painful!!! ouch! FYI: it only take about 72 hours to process amphetamines out of your body. That's a big red flag right there...sleeping is the only cure for amphetamine withdrawal. He probably sleeps straight for the first 72 hours and then has to recover from the absolute abuse he is doing to his body for the rest of the time. Like I said...ADHD is the least of your worries right now. 99% of his behavior is drug related and there's really no way to tell what he is really like unless he completely stops for a good long time after that. The sex is just another high to go along with it. Same thing different drug. I'm sorry to say that he sound like he's got a hook in his mouth and until he removes that you are just along for the ride. Your relationship is codependent and it can't be good for you? All I can say is that things will probably not change until he gets some help with this. It sounds way beyond the scope of just will power if this is the case. I hope you get some help with this too. If someone is bent and determined to kill themselves in a blaze of glory and drugs, there's not much you can do to stop them and just be voluntary witness to this kind of carnage. If push comes to shove....they will pick the drug over you now matter how good a person they are. It doesn't mean he is a bad person either....the problem is the two of you will lose between him and the battle over the drugs and he is already making that choice for the both of you.
J