In September I will be married 20 years. To most people looking in we have a good marriage. We have had our ups and downs and I have left once due to having an affair. But, now I feel very trapped and after watching the Today show I am really convinced that my husband has ADHD and it is ruining our marriage. In a nutshell.......I take care of everything in the home...laundry, dishes (although he does do the morning ones during the school year) and I must beg, plead and cry to get anything done that I am not capable. Everything that keeps the marriage fresh is my idea...vacations, any dates (which are so few and far between) , dinners out, anything. I feel like I don't have partner...I feel like I have a roommate. My husband tells me daily that he loves me but I question it everyday as his actions rarely show it. I feel like I am not appreciated at all and he never notices me no matter what I do. Right now he rarely comes around as I nag so much...which I dont blame him but he is firther shutting me out. This morning I even showed him the 6 signs from this site and he told me I was crazy. I don't know what to do.....continue this way until my daughter graduates in June and leave or does someone have any advice? He won't go to counseling as he thinks there is nothing wrong!
New but very confused and desperate
Submitted by kerig1 on 08/06/2010.
Help!
Submitted by PoorLiz on
I, too, saw the segment on TV this morning and was thrilled to find something validating my frustrations. My husband comes from a family of ADD and we've known this for a few years. We've read books and he's tried meds but doesn't fell he needs them. He thinks knowing he has ADD is enough to help him make positive changes. Nothing works! I'm at the end of my rope and now I'm the one spending my day surfing for info while he watches baseball. How fair is that? I have to do everything and I'm tired of it! I am tired of mothering him and I don't want my daughters to grow up and think its OK to tolerate such behavior. I am tired of the constant anger and nagging. How can you convince a spouse with ADD that he has to get help?
Please help us!
New, very confused and desperate
Submitted by Gardner on
I am the one in the relationship with the ADD and one of the best things we did was fill out an online brain questionnaire on Dr. Amen's website which specializes in brain function. What we did was each take the test independently at different times, and without the other in the room. What we also did was then have the person who doesn't have the ADD take it for the ADD partner, reporting their behaviors or tendencies as an observer. Heres' the website link: http://www.amenclinics.com/cybcyb/online-tests-calculators/cyb-questionn...
One of the best things I've ever done is get a brain SPECT scan at the Amen Clinic [offices on the East and West coasts] and work with their doctors.
Best wishes in your journey. There is hope if you're both willing to work hard and be honest.
At my whitts end, Help!
Submitted by DesperatewifeNmom on
I too feel as though I am doing everything to keep the relationship alive and wanting to do so. Last night he told me he wanted to be free to do whatever he wants to do, be it drinking or being with other women. Yes it has happened before in our past to go through such stages. Seems as its every time we go through a big change in our lives, such as marriage, birth of our first child, and now we just made a big move to a nice bigger place to accommodate for our second child to come in Dec. He was diagnosed with having ADHD when he was a child, he refuses he still has it nor will he take meds for it. When I have brought up counseling in the past he would brush it off and not do it because we were "fine" and didn't really need it. I found this sight and now believe there just might be a chance to save our marriage before it completely falls apart but don't have a clue how to talk my husband into getting help. Even to get him to try anymore, he's saying he's not a good guy and that I deserve better. I have plenty more to say, but won't right now. Please help, I'm so depressed right now. Will the roller coaster ride ever end? And still have a marriage?