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I consistently shake my head in disbelief at how many of us share the same types of experiences and emotions here. But you and I are really sharing. I posted a couple weeks ago ("Help...he's cut off contact!") about this same thing! My (also undiagnosed) BF hasn't spoken to me AT ALL since that day after Thanksgiving when we got into a huge fight and I wound up driving home (we are long distance). In the past he needed a couple days to cool off after a fight, so I figured that was the case here. But since then I have sent 2 emails, 1 text, and something in the mail and have heard nothing. Like you, I am so upset he could just completely cut me off...we've been together 3.5 years and his youngest daughter is very connected to my family.
I am not a leaver...though I had been unhappy for a long time...I didn't want the relationship to end, but he kept insisting nothing was wrong and I was the issue (my negativity and need to "poke us with a stick")...I wanted to work things out...I believe in us...but I can't do it alone and neither can you. I KNOW how much my BF loves me, but I also know that he lives behind a wall of hurt, shame, sadness, anger, defensiveness, etc from a lifetime of people not understanding or accepting him and I think he has now thrown me in that same group despite how much I tried to understand and work with him.
It seems like such an immature, selfish thing to just cut someone off like that. It hurts, and I long for an explanation or even just to hear "it's over". Everyone has left him his entire life, and he knows I have been unhappy. Part of me believes that he couldn't bear to hear me say I was leaving as well, so he beat me to it by adding the final brick to his wall and shutting me out without closure so that he doesn't have to think he ended it either.
It is very tough, as you know, because of Christmas and New Year's. It sounds like you have done what you can to let him know how you feel. It is very hard to not keep reaching out, but this isn't 6th grade and none of us should have to play these games. As hard as it is...we have to just try our best to keep on with our lives and believe that there is a reason this has happened.
One of the best quotes that helped me when I was grieving my divorce a few years ago was "Everything will be ok in the end....if it's not ok, it's not the end" (I think it was an Anonymous quote...can't remember).
Hang in there and ENJOY Christmas with your 3 kids!!!! You won't get this time back, so make the most of it!! (I know...easier said than done...)
Thank you, HurtbutHopeful. Although your message wasn't directed specifically to me, it speaks to my circumstances, too. My husband has enclosed himself in a fortress, and I'm feeling very alone and overwhelmed by his abandonment and denial and by needing to be the sole parent while my children are home.
Wow!
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
I consistently shake my head in disbelief at how many of us share the same types of experiences and emotions here. But you and I are really sharing. I posted a couple weeks ago ("Help...he's cut off contact!") about this same thing! My (also undiagnosed) BF hasn't spoken to me AT ALL since that day after Thanksgiving when we got into a huge fight and I wound up driving home (we are long distance). In the past he needed a couple days to cool off after a fight, so I figured that was the case here. But since then I have sent 2 emails, 1 text, and something in the mail and have heard nothing. Like you, I am so upset he could just completely cut me off...we've been together 3.5 years and his youngest daughter is very connected to my family.
I am not a leaver...though I had been unhappy for a long time...I didn't want the relationship to end, but he kept insisting nothing was wrong and I was the issue (my negativity and need to "poke us with a stick")...I wanted to work things out...I believe in us...but I can't do it alone and neither can you. I KNOW how much my BF loves me, but I also know that he lives behind a wall of hurt, shame, sadness, anger, defensiveness, etc from a lifetime of people not understanding or accepting him and I think he has now thrown me in that same group despite how much I tried to understand and work with him.
It seems like such an immature, selfish thing to just cut someone off like that. It hurts, and I long for an explanation or even just to hear "it's over". Everyone has left him his entire life, and he knows I have been unhappy. Part of me believes that he couldn't bear to hear me say I was leaving as well, so he beat me to it by adding the final brick to his wall and shutting me out without closure so that he doesn't have to think he ended it either.
It is very tough, as you know, because of Christmas and New Year's. It sounds like you have done what you can to let him know how you feel. It is very hard to not keep reaching out, but this isn't 6th grade and none of us should have to play these games. As hard as it is...we have to just try our best to keep on with our lives and believe that there is a reason this has happened.
One of the best quotes that helped me when I was grieving my divorce a few years ago was "Everything will be ok in the end....if it's not ok, it's not the end" (I think it was an Anonymous quote...can't remember).
Hang in there and ENJOY Christmas with your 3 kids!!!! You won't get this time back, so make the most of it!! (I know...easier said than done...)
Thank you, HurtbutHopeful.
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Thank you, HurtbutHopeful. Although your message wasn't directed specifically to me, it speaks to my circumstances, too. My husband has enclosed himself in a fortress, and I'm feeling very alone and overwhelmed by his abandonment and denial and by needing to be the sole parent while my children are home.