I am newly learning that many of the issues in my marriage probably stem from my ADHD. My husband and I have two young children and I am 16 weeks pregnant. We have had ups and downs and recently we seem to have hit rock bottom. He told me last night that he was going to leave, not speak to me, and that I would be responsible for telling our children. An hour and a half goes by of me trying to process what happened and he comes in calmly to tell me he made a mistake, he said things he didn't mean when he was extremely frustrated and that he loves me. I told him I needed to think about things and process what happened and he reminded me that our house was just as much his as it is mine and that he would not be able to be kicked out. In addition, he informed me last night that he stays at work late because he is happier there and feels more appreciated. When I asked him how often he stays at work late he informed me that he doesn't and it was just a statement born out of frustration. I am at a loss, of what to do, where to go, and how to proceed forward in the best interest to my own self worth, emotional happiness and for my children. We have both done things wrong, we both seem to be unable to meet the other individuals needs. In addition, I can't help but think the reason why he had a change of heart was due to researching online the financial implications his actions would make towards his future and not that he genuinely loves me or wants to fight for our marriage. I don't feel prioritized, he doesn't know how to make me feel cared for and I guess I too don't know how to make him feel cared for.
I guess I am just looking for some advice, because the advice from family or friends just feels murky.
Help communicating
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Just from your post it sounds like ineffective communication. Maybe a therapist could get you two speaking in a more helpful way? (Assuming you want the marriage to continue, of course.)
So sorry for all the added stress while you're pregnant. Take care of yourself. ♥️
Are you working on your ADHD symptoms?
Submitted by adhd32 on
Seems as if part of the story is missing but I assume your post followed some blow up about things not being done in the home or incidents which left your husband feeling unseen or in last place yet again. First, I would suggest that you do not bring others besides professionals into your marital issues. Polling friends and family about your private matters is disrespectful to your husband. Others tend to remember all the bad things you might say about your husband long after the two of you make up. If others do not live with someone with ADHD they really have no idea what it is like to struggle with the lack of communication and the inability to solve problems when typical ADHD symptoms are in play. You didn't say whether you are under any type of treatment, therapy, or working with a life coach. If you are not, please start. As you add a new life and your 3 children grow, your life will become much more challenging with teacher's meetings, morning routines, pick ups, drop offs, car pools, sports etc X 3 kids. Once you begin working on your most troubling symptoms, start marriage therapy with an ADHD experienced professional.