Hello!
I'm looking for support/ideas on how to navigate dealing with social situations with my husband that frustrate me. My husband has ADHD and is medicated and open to help. I feel very lucky for that! In social settings(especially meeting new people) my husband talks a lot and interrupts quite a bit. This is hard for me. I'm a very good listener and in a group of 4, I feel I can't get a word in and I feel embarrassed that he does that. He is aware and really tries but I'm afraid I'm going to be the one needing to adjust. It's honestly our biggest struggle. He's so great about so many other things! He says he feels the need to get a thought out right away or he'll lose it. He's also pretty hyper/high energy but is such a warm person. I don't want this to affect our relationship or have new people judge him. I know I can't control that but I'm needing ways to cope because in this situation I almost freeze and then I get upset with him after and that's not fair. Thank you so much for any input! Laura
Code word!
Submitted by Dagmar on
My husband and I have code words that we use in front of our kids, and you can use in this situation. Can you work out a system where when he's doing this stuff, you squeeze his hand three times, or say "stapler" or something nice like "I love you" so he knows to stop? Then you're not embarrassing him, and he's getting a signal that it's time.
Thank you!
Submitted by lauraca1 on
Thanks for that idea! This is something we've tried and I really wanted it to work. When I squeeze his hand, he gets immediately defensive and sometimes blurts out, are you trying to shut me up? The defensiveness is also a big issue now that I'm thinking about it! I can try and talk to him about trying this again. Thank you!
Agree a code word is a good idea.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
With my fiance, its "SQUIRREL"!
I feel your pain
Submitted by StumpedInSeattle on
Thanks!
Submitted by lauraca1 on
Hi there,
Thank you for your response. I'm sorry to hear she's not open to treatment, but hopefully in time that might change? I had my husband read, "Driven to Distraction" and it was the first time he really recognized himself in the examples. He was more willing to get treatment after understanding it better. Sending you good thoughts!
Thanks for the tip about the
Submitted by StumpedInSeattle on
Thanks for the tip about the book. I've bought several books but I can't get my wife to agree to read any of them. Regarding your comment above - when you squeeze his hand and he blurts out about trying to shut him up - I face exactly this - if I try to give her any indication that she is talking inappropriately or too much or saying things she really shouldnt in social settings, she always blurts out and says something similar. One side effect I've realized is that since she dominates the conversation so much, of all the people we know as a couple, hardly any of them know me because in all these years I have hardly had any one on one conversations with any of them.
I hope
Submitted by lauraca1 on
she agrees to read it. That must be so tough. And sad that those friends haven't had the opportunity to get to know you. I really enjoy my one on one time with many friends so I can get my time in. I wonder if that might be helpful?
My husband was defensive at first about the hand squeeze but he ended up agreeing to this and it worked this time. It's hard to have consistency. Sending you good thoughts!