Hi there my name is Mary and I have been married to my spouse for 4.5 years, together for almost 7. He was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years back and it's been tough. Right now he is on a business venture to start a Marijuana grow, which has been in progress for over two years now, with little progress made, and lots of money spent. He lacks the ability to focus and stay on task, and it's impacting our marriage. I feel resentful over it because I feel like this business is destroying our marriage, but it's also his dream and I don't want to negatively impact that. Our finances are a mess, our house is a disaster, and he keeps spending more money on stuff for this business.
His other issues include mood swings, he gets super angry and throws things (never at me though), he can't sleep at night, and he is full of numerous ideas and plans that are super unrealistic.
Any tips or tricks on how to navigate this would be super appreciated. I am so stressed and overwhelmed, and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.
Thanks in advance.
See a therapist
Submitted by adhd32 on
You might consider an uninterested third party to help you wade through this. I'm in over 40 years and unless you make hard boundaries (talking concrete) your life will be emotionally and financially ruined. You will be called names for not caving into his every whim, clearly his business idea is a dud and needs to stop. Weed is a good business idea but market trends are down right now,. What is he is basing this investment on? Running a business is not for the unorganized as you are seeing now. You will need to have a discussion with him about the things you expect from him and what the consequences will be if your new boundaries are violated. If he can't abide by them, you have to be able to leave. There is no getting him to see the error of his ways, he will likely dig in his heels and fight with you about the business. Facts presented will likely not help your case either. I know you want a different answer where he somehow starts to see the big picture and you both are on the same team. That will not happen and unless you draw a line in the sand and enforce the consequences should he step over the line you will remain on this crazy train with him as the engineer and you tending the fire. Unfortunately you are going to have to upset the status quo, prepare yourself emotionally for the fallout.
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Submitted by adhd32 on
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You need a therapist
Submitted by BurnedOutLady on
This will continue to be a nightmare and a downward spiral. You can see it now, it's not going to get better. Does he have a business plan? Is it sound? Has anyone looked at it, a financial adviser, a business expert? What is his experience with starting and running businesses? If he has ADHD this may be an impulsive dream not fully planned or understood, and yes it may ruin you financially. Don't be afraid to assert yourself here, dreams are lovely but they can turn into nightmares if not supported by grounded plans and constant reality checks.