I was late diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s and am still trying to adjust, adapt and improve my life and my self-esteem. This has been extremely challenging with my diagnosis coming after a child and all the maternal worries, guilt and anxieties with that. I have had previous treatment for anxiety. 

However, I thought I would have support from my partner post-diagnosis. I know it isn't an easy journey but (wrongly) thought he would be there helping and supporting. This hasn't been the case. 

I have discovered recently that he has been making false claims to people about the extent of my diagnosis and how bad it is. He is leading people to believe that I am a bad mother, that I do nothing around the house and that I am not trying or willing to do anything. He has had the audacity to claim he is my carer! This is so far removed from the truth that it makes me so angry and  wonder who he is. 

He works from home and gets our child ready for nursery in the morning so I can get ready as we leave the house at 0700. I pick our child up in the afternoons unless I have a late work event (this do not happen often.) As he works from home, he makes the meals during the week. Yet, I plan the meals and do the food shopping. When I ask for help, he responds, "the usual" or "whatever you want" rather than suggestions. I also unpack and put away the shopping. I do the cooking at the weekends.

Added to this, I couldn't tell you the last time he hoovered, cleaned the bathroom, changed the beds, dusted or any other domestic chore. We both work full time. When I have brought it up before, he tells me that I just need to ask him or he just lists all the jobs he does. 

I have sole responsibility for our child's reward chart, I do the majority of educational activities, crafting and baking with our child, and it is myself who comes up with holiday/weekend activity ideas. I spend most of early evening chatting with our child as he sits on his phone and, once our child is in bed, I initiate the vast majority of our conversations. He doesn't ask me how my day was or anything. I have to tell him. My phone use is an issue, however. 

Since learning about my diagnosis, he hasn't done any reading up about it or looking at things we could change to help support us not just me. I have softly suggested me reducing my working hours or changing job (it is very emotionally draining and demanding on executive functions) but he baulked at the idea as we "couldn't give our child the life we want." He just seems to think I should "be better" and I'm being lazy not doing it or not yet fixed. I am the problem. Everything that isn't great in our lives is down to me. Maybe I am? 

I get that living with an ADHD partner can be hugely demanding and tiresome. It is the same for the ADHDer! I guess I just thought that the man I love(d) would try to help me more instead of withdrawing, making me feel crazier and then bad mouth me to other people. I really struggle to understand why he is here and if he really loves me still since all I seem to do is make him unhappy and not be (good) enough based on his actions.

Sorry, this is all a but of a splurge rant but I'm fed up, angry, exhausted, lonely, and literally only on the planet because of my child.