I realize this site is focused on ADHD; however, my husband is not diagnosed as such that I know of.  We've been married almost 30 years.  The first 5 were horrible; he drank til he passed out all the time.  He got sober in 1991.  Fell off the wagon in 2006 til 2009 and has been sober since then.  He was a mean drunk.  He's mean when he's sober too and selfish.  We both have strong personalities, so I don't let him bully me.  Everything I say, or do, he opposes.  Every issue becomes and argument no matter how irrelevant.....He likes to dispute, debate, discount everything I say.   I have moved out many times; for a week to 6 months.  Most recently I left for 3 months.  I came back on April 1st.  Today is the 7th....and I'm ready to slit my wrists....(figuratively, not literally).  I drafted a 5 page list of demands which I made him sign before I agreed to come back.  He signed it........and now 7 days later he's back to his same old ways.  I have anxiety, he makes it 100 times worse.  I see a psychiatrist, she was actually excited when I told her that I left him; not so much when I told her I went back. 

He has an explosive temper, says I don't listen, I don't "get it", I don't know what I'm talking about he insults me then walks away before I can respond and then slams the door on the way out.........He's been like this since I met him.  It was more tolerable when I was in my 30s when we met and married.  I'm 65......and I can barely tolerate him.  I keep a large emotional distance.  He used to make me cry....not anymore.  I have learned to shut him out completely, to the point of not even hearing him.....I give a noncommittal head nod and have no idea what he said.    I should probably admit that I did attempt suicide by Smith & Wesson (he no longer has a gun).  I was hospitalized for 5 days.  This was in 2012.  I can't say for sure if it was my anxiety/depression or if it was HIM......All I know is I wanted to go away permanently and the gun that sat at the head of his side of the bed was the best route at the time.  I put a hole in the bedroom floor and the bullet existed the wall outside on the lower deck.  No one was hurt.  The police came and hand cuffed me and took me to the hospital.....that hurt!

He is scheduled for a liver scan.....(too many years of Marine Corp., hard drinking; and a case of Hep. C).....palpitating his liver, his primary says his liver feels hard in some places.  I should feel something, since this could be very serious...you can't live without a functioning liver;  but I feel oddly nothing at all, actually I secretly hope his time limited......(jeeze, reading this back, I sound like a horrible person)  Sidebar:  He has a brother who has a gambling addiction, loses all the time and is an untreated schizophrenic or schizoid personality.....his father was an alcoholic, he died of liver cancer.  His mother was addicted to amphetamines, she died of breast cancer at age 44.  Maybe my husband is a product of bad genes. 

I'm walking on egg shells; I don't engage him in conversations, I simply agree, whatever you want, whatever you say.....it's exhausting.  Any suggestions? (besides leaving for good?  I can't afford to live on my own.  All I have is Social Security......that's well below poverty level.)