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Controlling Your Temper
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
What I am about to say may sound like I'm speaking negatively about my husband, but I'm not... Your anger outbursts sound very similar to the ones my husband used to have. He, too, is an exceptionally bright man (went through MIT - both undergraduate AND graduate - in a total of 3 years) with strong opinions, a love of choosing just the right words (and a past desire to hold me exactly to mine that he has overcome - thank God!), an unwillingness to suffer fools, and an ability to observe his anger outbursts but not change them. He also had a strong sarcastic streak which could really "bite" the recipient...until he found a medication which happens to help him manage both his anger and his sarcasm.
The medication was for his ADD, not his anger, but it turns out that the side effect was that his anger is now a thing of the past. The other unexpected side effect he has gotten is a better ability to initiate and disengage from things he is doing. It may be that these two things are related - because he is better able to disengage from what he is doing he is able to observe that he is getting angry and disengage from it.
My husband is also quite a bit more mellow now, though both of us attribute that to turning our marriage around, not to his meds (because there was a period of time when he was on these med but decidedly not mellow). I will say, for me it's much easier to love - and respect - a man who doesn't rip others to shreds through sarcasm or anger, so his changes have been WONDERFUL for our marriage.
It could be that your anger is a manifestation of an inability to control impulses - an ADD symptom - and if it's bothering you as much as you suggest, perhaps you should talk with your doctor about whether a different type of ADD meds might help you control that symptom more effectively. The med that my husband is taking is Wellbutrin (an antiepressant), which works differently from Adderall (a stimulant). You might find that it controls the same symptoms that Adderall controls plus addresses your anger, or you might not. But trying it with a doc's supervision shouldn't hurt... (you would probably have to stop the Adderall...so you'll want to talk to your doc about this - watch for emotional swings as you do this - a common side effect of cutting back on Adderall)
As a general piece of advice, I tell people to make sure that they get input from their spouse about medicinal changes that they are making and how the patient is reacting to the new meds. My husband did not realize that the meds were even working for a long time (in other words, he can't feel them working other than a slight improvement in focus) but I observed that many of the symptoms that were bothering our relationship went away. And, when he did an experiment after a couple of years of meds and stopped taking them for a week, the change "back" to how he had been acting before (and the surprised concern in those around him - including coworkers) was dramatic. This finally convinced him that his meds really are working for him on more levels than he sometimes realizes.
Here's another idea - trying meditation. I don't meditate, but I have several male friends who do so as a stress reliever (one is an oncologist - a high stress job, to be sure!) They say it keeps them a bit more measured in how they deal with life.
Your entries on this blog speak to your high intelligence and many strengths. It's a credit to you that you wish to take on your angry outbursts and that you wish to do something to control them. Those around you will thank you for your efforts!
Melissa Orlov
Drugs and Outbursts and Blunt Coaches
Submitted by griwei on
I am so glaD
Submitted by clancy on
Comments
Submitted by clancy on
ADD
Submitted by Frances Liloia (not verified) on
Add meds help?
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
The answer to your question about whether or not ADD meds might help you is "I don't know"! You'll want to talk directly with your doctor about that to make sure you have an accurate diagnosis and that the meds he/she might prescribe are the best options.
The best person to get a diagnosis from if you think you have ADD or something similar would be a psychiatrist who specializes in mental health issues. 80% of adults with ADD actually also suffer from something else as well - it is in your best interests to have a full evaluation - not just go to your primary care physician and ask for ADD meds. You'll get better treatment from someone used to pulling apart all of these issues that look so similar.
I say psychiatrist rather than psychologist because the former can prescribe, the latter cannot.
Best of luck!