What I have come to know and understand is a difference in perception of events in my marriage.

I like things neat and tidy - not obsessive - and things put away when they are finished being used.  My spouse likes everything right out where he can find it.  The counter is a landing spot for anything and everything.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.

I get very frustrated by the amounts of stuff in the backyard and oozing out of the barn.  My spouse does  not understand why I am bothered by his stuff.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.

So, we ordered and scheduled the installation of some fencing in our yard so we could at least keep the stuff out of sight..  My spouse later   called and canceled - because he did not feel comfortable with spending money.  In this situation, I am unable to say both of us need to feel comfortable with that.  It was important to me.  I picked it, I scheduled it. He agreed.  Then took over.  I feel disrespected and controlled.

I believe it is important to share problems when they come up.  My spouse believes if he didn't set out to hurt my feelings or upset me - there is nothing to discuss.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.  In this I really do not think I need to learn to accept his behavior as acceptable.

I think we need to list our household responsibilities and share them.  My spouse doesn't like chores Here is a judgment by Liz  - I think he is very old fashioned in his actions and thought patterns.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.  Funny thing, if we separate, he will have to do all his own stuff anyway.  

I think it is disrespectful to our possessions to sit on furniture in the living room with dirty/muddy/greasy clothes.  My spouse thinks if you worked all day and are tired, who cares.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.

I am frustrated that my spouse leaves all his clothes, clean and dirty, in baskets in the basement where we do laundry.  He took over all  open space we had.  My spouse doesn't want to put his clothes away in the closet or the dresser.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.

My spouse will share with me some really great idea he got from someone and explain with excitement how he is going to put into practice - the exact same thing that I had been suggesting for years.  A very common event that happens marriages - both ADHD and Non - across the nations - but it still burns my butt.

I would like a common schedule that we all could follow - at least basic things like dinner times, times to turn off the TV, Saturday and Sunday time sharing, bathroom use.  My spouse is very easy-going and does what he wants when he want.  Usually on a whim.

The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.

I think he is rude to other in our family.  He thinks he is upfront with his opinions.

I need to learn how to not make his behavior a reflection of me and our marriage.  And understand why he can be rude to others, yet gets VERY offended and often ends relationships if someone says something that offends him.

I do not know how to justify in my brain that he can 'dish it out' but 'he can't take it.'

I think we need to discuss and resolve some unfinished matters. It is small relevance to hear him say, "I am sorry" because he is told he is supposed to say it.  It adds insultto injury when he will follow up with telling me he knows he is right.  

We used to be able to attend family parties together.  Now my spouse does not like to go because he doesn't want to be around So-and-So,,, which is an ever growing list.

I need to learn how to be Liz, and not a couple.  

I started out in counseling because I felt I got lost in our relationship.  My opinions only mattered if my spouse agreed with them. He would get mad if he didn't get his way, since his way was the right way, and mine made no sense to him.  I felt very controlled by his anger.  

I am learning to be self reliant.  I still do the administration of his construction business since everything we have - including our debt - is tied up together.  I feel we both have a lot to do.  He feels he does the lion's share, "I do not have a job that pays any income" - and in comments like that he shows no value in the work I do  for his business.   Funny thing, if we separate, he will have to do all his own paperwork, or hire a bookkeeper.

I had hoped we would find a way to work things out together.  He is shutting himself off from me and our families.  I thought he was angry.  Now, he is also a bully.  "I am the man of the house, I need to proclaim my rightful place."  

I continue to take college classes.  I continue to apply for jobs.  I do not have any plans to get a job to pool our finances.  I plan to find a job so I can support myself, and start a new life. 

I thought counseling would fix my marriage.  It has surely helped me see that if someone does not want to address how they may be adding to the problem - things will never get better.  Oh, unless I revert to my behavior 5 years ago, and let him be right, back down from everything, and throw in the towel on being seen, heard or respected in a way that I need.   

Our relationship is not about who is right and who is wrong.  It is about acceptance and honor and working things out together.  I don't have that, and it is just not acceptable any more.  Doesn't make my spouse bad - it just makes him someone I do not want to be close to or with whom I enjoy spending time.  

Liz