H and I have been together ten years, and there has been boundary issues with other women from the beginning of our marriage.
I don't know that there have been affairs, though it's very plausible, but he is always talking to new women on social media, texting with female co-workers, etc, and hiding it from me. He is careful to never say he's married. I've confronted him over and over and he acts remorseful and then does it all over again. Every time I confront him he plays dumb like he doesn't see why this particular case is a problem. I am so lost...so sad that he doesn't value loyalty and constantly needs this ego stroke. Most importantly, I don't know that this kind of thing can ever be fixed?
Anyhow, yesterday was the last straw for me. I found pages and pages on our cell bill of him texting with a female co-worker and deleting it. I asked him to leave and we spent our first night apart. I still love him so much but don't know how to stay with him and still protect myself.
The reason I am choosing the communication forum to post this question is because last night he started on a new level of bizarre. We exchanged a few text messages and he was treating me as if I was the one who wronged him. Every text was either cold or passive aggressive and everyone of them painted him as the victim. It adds so much hurt to the mix, because not only do I feel betrayed and heartbroken, but don't event get the respect of him owning my actions and how much he hurt me. Why is he making this my fault? What is going on inside someone to where they would make really shady, hurtful choices and then be cruel to those they hurt? I really want to understand.
I wish I could be of assistance to you....
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
My boyfriend of 18 months has ADHD. We have had some communication issues during that time, mostly due to his lying.
In the beginning, it was a lie of omission, and the second time he lied to me about the same thing. Each time, I felt stupid, disrespected and unworthy of the truth. His lies didn't involve other women. He lied about smoking pot. (He has some back issues, a herniated disc in his cervical spine, and pot relieves the pain.) I have never smoked it, and don't care to. I'm not a prude, and don't judge people who chose to use it. The issue was his lying about it. I finally got through to him that after what I went through with my ex husband, I cannot live with someone who can lie to me again and again. The first time I caught him lying about the pot was a year ago, and initially, he acted pissed off with me, which made me angry....He had no right to be pissed off at me, when he was the one who lied!
I told him that there will be no future for us if he continues lying, about the pot or anything else. I won't live that way...I shouldn't have to. At 51, "I'm too old for this s**t". I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than with someone who disrespects me, disregards my boundaries, and lies to me.
The only problem I've had with my boyfriend and other women is that he would often go into too much detail about women he works with, past girlfriends, or his 2 ex wives. It took a while for him to understand that I wasn't jealous. It was disrespectful to me for him to go on and on about how hot these women are/were, and to go into exacting detail about certain things.