Submitted by hugospot on 01/31/2014.
He talks. From the moment his eyes open till he falls asleep. I dont say a thing because by the time I do, he's on to another topic or I cant keep up with the ten different trains of thoughts he crams into a 30 minute speech at me. I TRY and pay attention and look interested, but come on...really??? I just cant do it. Things and people and places and activities and objects and news stories....on and on and on. He KNOWS he's ADHD, but REFUSES to take medication (of any kind for anything), thinks counseling is worthless and wants to know "what's wrong with me" all the time beause I dont engage (like I could ) with him? HELP!!! Just knowing Im not alone would help...
I can relate to the refusal
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
I can relate to the refusal to take meds, refusal to do counseling, and deflection of blame, but my ADHD guy wasn't a talker...had the inattentive/sluggish type, so sorry...can't relate to that part of things.
I would trade the slug for
Submitted by hugospot on
I would trade the slug for the hyper yapper. Although, both ends of the spectrum are equally frustrating, demeaning and hard to deal with. Thank you for the response...at least I know there are others out there ready to gag or cattle-prod their spouses (depending on the situation) other than me.
Hang in there! I am done with
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
Hang in there!
I am done with my relationship...not by choice...BF just walked away from it after a fight (involving the topic of said ADHD)...so I was pushed off the roller coaster...though there were definitely days, especially near the end, when I wanted to get off on my own accord, but my desire to try to work things out overrode that...in the end, it didn't matter...
Hopefully others can chime in that deal with the "yapper" side of the spectrum...
I have one with a switch! ;-)
Submitted by devilsangel on
Sometimes he can go on and on and on...and every time he changes topics, he says "squirrel". Don't ask. Then if the meds wear off, he is completely opposite. Doesn't talk, just wants to sit around watching tv...leave him alone, but don't ignore him. I always just asked if he took a pill...was easier than putting up with a grouchy slug...but 30 min after that pill kicked in, watch out because he'd be a chatterbox. Usually though, that was when he was the most fun to be with. I'm more quiet so listening to him chatter away was fine with me for the most part. It only got weird if he started telling stories to other people because those, he usually made up. lol
A Matter of Perspective
Submitted by sunlight on
I don't have ADHD and he does. He would (and does) say that about me. I don't think I do (well I wouldn't would I? Though I can be excitable, most of the time I'm very restrained and shy). I often wonder how a world of ADHD people would talk about non-ADHD people if the non's were the minority - what kind of preconceptions and stereotypes they would have of 'us'.
On the other hand it's a coin toss with him - either a never-ending stream-of-consciousness or not much of anything.
However he has mostly learned to stop lecturing even without meds because he noticed that his father kept telling the same-old same-old same-old same-old same-old stories and he decided he didn't want to look like that. So maybe find someone who talks even more and leave them together ?
I do like to talk...
Submitted by smilingagain on
I am sorry!
One of my biggest symptoms is being hyper-talkative.
It mostly serves me well. Once in awhile things go horribly wrong.
I am much better at controlling it, when I take my medication (concerta 54 mg at 7 am, Ritalin 10 mg at 3 pm - when I remember it).
i wonder if your husband can control himself (probably not). does he reign it in outside the home or at work? it could be that it's so exhausting controlling his symptoms all day that he kind of loses it at home... that is definitely how it has always been for me. i am a people pleaser... so i hate to be disruptive to others or interrupt others enjoyment by being a jackass... but sometimes i just lose it. or that's been the case my whole life. it's been a constant source of shame for me. I could never control myself and I never knew why. I would blurt out ridiculous things. Mostly they would be funny. Once in awhile though- it was just awkward, cringey and horrible. I legitimately could not control this. I would coach myself on the way to gatherings don't talk too much! It's fine to sit there and listen. No one is expecting you to fill the gaps in the conversation. Pauses and silences are okay. Just relax and sit in the corner and talk to a few people. Calm down. Just enjoy the party. Don't talk too much. Don't talk too much!
Sometimes this would work a little bit. And sometimes I would take it in the other direction, being a completely manic one-woman show.
Then on the way home I would cry my eyes out in shame and embarrassment...... and resolve not to do it again... Which made the next time even more shameful.
Interrupting, finishing other peoples sentences, going off on long rapid-fire tangents, yelling or swearing to emphasize my point, blurting something hilarious or deadly- but usually totally inappropriate (awkward), changing topics out of nowhere, being too intense with other people.... that's a list of my most troublesome symptoms... i have hated myself for them since i was a little little kid.
But good news for any newly-diagnosed adhd people reading this- Now that I am medicated and aware of the ADHD, this is less of an issue. I don't do the one-woman show nearly as much. If i start doing it- i really notice it a lot more quickly- and i stop. And if an apology is warranted- I apologize. And I try to turn the focus around onto someone else in the group or to the other people's on I am talking to. And I move on. I'm not perfect- it does come out a little here and there- but it is waaaaaayyyyy less! And walking around in my skin no longer feels like wrestling with this incredibly heavy, perplexing burden all day every day. i am lighter again. i am no longer depressed. i understand why i do this! i forgive myself a lifetime of not being able to control myself! i commend myself for my perseverance and resilience to have survived all that i have and to have thrived: It has been an emotional ride for me, my whole life. I am an alcoholic (12 years sober), I had an eating disorder for many years. i went through a clinical depression for about 16 months, where i wished i was dead. i hated myself. I was really really awful to myself for many years.
I am letting myself shine again. I was unhappy with myself for so long. And it feels great to like myself again. That's why I chose smilingagain as my user name. I was a happy, smart, exuberant kid with far too much energy (just like my gorgeous, hyperactive 5 year-old son)... And somewhere along the line loss started hating myself.... And apsince my diagnosis and treatment- i love and forgive myself and feel like I am finally back to being me!
Please excuse my end-of-the-night-unmedicated-ADHD-tangent-about-myself. Aaaaargh! There it is again. I am sorry!!!
My point is this: your husband is talkative. He always will be. But perhaps with some treatment, he could seriously minimize the disruptive talking. Meds and therapy have given me back my self and completely assisted me with exercising control and discipline and an ability to recognize the behaviour! That is the key. Because I am sure your husband is charming in a smaller dose. He needs some help identifying this particular problem and then he'll have to target it and work on eliminating or reducing it. There may be a lot of shame there.
Best of luck with this- I understand how hard this is to change first hand. Even my post is too chatty. I was trying to respond- but it appears I chosen to write my memoirs as a special bonus. :)
My husband is the same way.
Submitted by MFrances on
My husband is the same way. He talks non stop. He is the inattentive type of ADD. I think the one post is right, some people just talk more and can't change that, but with ADD it can't be controlled as well because of the impulse control. My husband's whole family is like this. My husband is on medication and I really don't know if it has helped this nonstop talking. Like the other post, I am more on the quiet side so at first his talking was great, he's a great person to go to a party with where you don't know anyone, until later in our relationship when the parties stop and he talks when I am doing something that I can't stop to focus on him (almost like a child that doesn't act up until you are on the phone!), or at church when someone asks him how he is and he spends 20 minutes telling that person his whole life story. Or at the pediatricians office when we only have 15 minutes to talk about the issues with our child and he spends the whole time telling the doctor his whole life story. And the interrupting! So frustrating. I wish I could have videotaped this one scenario that happened. It was Easter Sunday and we were all talking about the Bible miniseries that was on over Lent. My husband was outside smoking so not in the conversation...yet. It was a wonderful back and forth conversation about our thoughts, likes and dislikes, etc, like a normal conversation. Until my husband came back in, he sat down and started talking, at first about the miniseries but so fast that no one could get a word in, then he moved on to another topic and another, before you know it 20 minutes went by and no one else had said one word except my husband. That same day, his sister was getting ready to leave and he starts up a conversation with her at the door, 20 minutes later she has her hand on the door and literally one foot over the threshold and he is still talking! Not even talking to wrap up the conversation but just rambling. I finally had to say to him, shut up she wants to go home (can't he see her hand on the door!-no he can't!) I used to try to have some kind of signal that I could give him to show him it's time to wrap up the conversation but it never worked, he would just ignore it and keep talking! It's the whole impulse control issue and poor social skills. Since they can't read other peoples cues, they don't see when someone wants to leave and they should wrap it up or that someone looks irritated or is busy. He'll talk to me while I am clearly not paying attention, and he will just keep talking like I am listening to him and he really does not notice that I am not saying anything in response or that I am busy. With children with ADHD they would be in social skills groups, but how to you teach social skills to adults!
I so appreciate the post from the woman with ADHD that admits she suffered with this her whole life and has felt shame. I'm so glad you found medication helped and you are moving beyond that shame. People who talk a lot naturally are great, they are fun, and a good balance to those of us who are quiet. I don't think my husband even sees a problem with his non stop, inappropriate talking.
Good luck.