This is my first post, and to be honest, I'm ready to pack my bags after eight years with my ADHD boyfriend.
He has always been pretty oblivious to his own actions around women and even early in our relationship, would get distracted by other women and unconsciously flirt with them, while COMPLETELY ignoring me. I never dated a guy that did that so I was somewhat amused but also annoyed, but I didn't see it as the red flag that it is. Or really, after more heightened instances of this, we would fight, he would do a charade of mopping, and then we would resume our tedious lives together. Is all of this disrespectful behavior even ADHD? The ADHD spouse group I am in says yes.
Yesterday, he trained a woman that I actually work at my own place in a job that he works on the side to supplement his woodworking income. I am friends with this woman but I don't know her well, we are just friendly at work and then she joined me and him for some food and drinks after an event last week. Anyway, they spent the day together driving around so that he could show her what the everyday tasks were like. After, they drove back to where she had originally parked that morning and they decided to get dinner. He called me last minute to see if I could join but I still had to walk the dog and get ready, and the drive was still 20 minutes away. Since I am in the midst of applying for grad school, I decided to stay home.
Since he's just alone with her and also bringing me home food, I assume he'll be home in a relatively reasonable time. He ends up calling me almost three hour later, and then comes home thinking it was perfectly fine to have a long and leisurely dinner with drinks with my female coworker without me. And he probably paid because he's inclined to do so, so essentially they went on a date. I briefly told him how inappropriate it was on both of their parts and he made a bunch of excuses while also apologizing. What angers me is that his choices show such a deep lack of respect for our relationship. Like, an hour together tops is fine, but almost three hours? Honestly, I'm so disgusted by his lack of judgment and I don't even know what to think about my friend - who was also married at one point and should know better. I eventually made him sleep on the couch though he was sleeping peacefully before that like I hadn't just yelled at him when he got him.
I don't trust him, mostly because he's demonstrated poor judgement in the past in regard to making decisions that either pulled him further into compromising scenarios or not. I know the dinner was entirely innocent but months of long days together and three hour dinners here and there is exactly how affairs begin. I almost can't believe how foolish he is except that I know him and have seen him gravitate towards specific women in our friend groups like they are playing the flute.
I feel like I'm living with a 15-year-old boy. He didn't even fully understand when I explained to him just how inappropriate it was. They probably spent 11 hours together in total. And even today, he said that he was sorry but he really needs help with his side business and that she has the specific training he hasn't been able to find for years. While that is true, its just another layer of respect for me. I'm so hurt but I'm also done with us because, as you can imagine, there are many, many other serious parts of our relationship that are really problematic. I am trapped right now due to finances so I don't know if maybe I can sleep in the living room till I can move out. The only reason I haven't broken up with him in the past is that my family is abusive and I don't have them to help me through a transition away from him.
I hear you
Submitted by Loopdaloop on
Sorry I'm relatively new to this, sounds exactly like something my boyfriend of over 2 years would do. Though my boyfriend would say I have morbid jealousy! Whilst he completely ignores me and hyper focuses on my attractive female friend.
I'm no expert but it always sounds like us partners have to put up with a lot of rubbish and they never get it so I know they'll be future incidents of similar behaviour. Has your boyfriend been diagnosed and on meds and therapy? Mine is on none and you can't even raise it although he does have all the nhs symptoms and more.
Will it get to the point when you think life will just be easier on your own regardless of your abusive family? It's horrible feeling trapped. X
My sweet pussy is so wet I
Submitted by Latanya21 on
My sweet pussy is so wet I want a man fuck me hete - http://gg.gg/whv6g
ATTN, Melissa
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Would you please take this down, its a Troll. Thank you Melissa !
Thank you for your reply,
Submitted by LeeAnne10 on
Thank you for your reply, @Loopdaloop
The situation led to days of fighting an eventually conversation, probably the best we've ever had. I'm not fully convince that he sees how poor his decision making skills are, though. I did, however, find a few videos on Youtube that discussed how ADHD can lead someone to behave in narcissistic ways, e.g. gaslight you because they are so shamed of their ongoing behavior that they just refuse to assess themselves. The difference would be that the person with ADHD would be acting out of shame and fear (though, one could argue that people with NPD also operate out of shame and fear). Anyway, the videos really helped me understand why he acts in certain ways - though this is still not alright with me. I grew up with a NPD mom and my emotional world is incredibly turbulent at times because of it. Narcissistic behavior is extremely harmful. The videos also talk about ADHD and emotional immaturity which sums up my boyfriend in a nutshell.
One thing that helped was asking him to go talk with his friends about the situation and, thankfully, they set him straight for the most part. I'm extremely thankful that his friends are much more emotionally mature than him. I do see that perhaps I will eventually decide to move on with the hopes of finding someone more emotionally mature and respectful. It's just really scary after 8 years together and being a bit older now.