I realized today that "poor decision making" is a character trait that has negatively affected me for all of my 61 years. (I am male and on ADHD medication). Example of how this plays out with my wife of 37 years: She likes plants, gardens, flowers, etc. in our yard. When I am: weed eating, using 'Round-Up,' or cutting the grass, I often get so close to the garden, plants, etc. that I kill or damage plants. My wife is at her 'wits end' because she feels like I do this on purpose to hurt her. Today, after another incident, I realized that these acts are a result of my "poor thinking and decision making." I know in my mind not to get too close to a plant, but my thoughts focus on getting the area as clean as possible and as close as possible to the plant. Then, of course, I get too close, cause damage, feel terrible myself, and send my wife into orbit with the anger and frustration of these events happening again.
Another area that frustrates me with my poor decision making happens when I need to, or want to, buy an item. I obsess over which model/style to buy, procrastinate making the purchase, and usually after making the purchase I am filled with "Buyers Remorse." Should have bought a different model, or should have bought sooner, or shouldn't have bought at all, etc.
Can you suggest help for my "poor decision making" please?
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Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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I realized that these acts are a result of my "poor thinking and decision making." I know in my mind not to get too close to a plant, but my thoughts focus on getting the area as clean as possible and as close as possible to the plant. Then, of course, I get too close, cause damage, feel terrible myself, and send my wife into orbit with the anger and frustration of these events happening again.
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This sounds like OCD or OCPD....you're "driven" to get as close to the plant as possible, even tho you know that the result might be destruction of your wife's stuff. The "drive" to do what you want and get YOUR results (cleaned up area right next to her plants) is MUCH STRONGER than your desire to please her.
Have you asked yourself why you can stop using Round up or a grass cutter when you're approaching her plants and then weed that area or cut that grass area by hand??? If you can't do that, then what would happen if you asked your wife to be outside, standing by her plants, when you're doing your work. Would you shove her aside so that you can still do what YOU want? Or would that stop you?
Try imagining that those plants are human babies. Imagine that. Put that image in your head. Now....will you get near human babies while spraying Round up? Would you get near human babies when using a grass cutter?
Slow Down and Take More Time
Submitted by kellyj on
I find that being impulsive is just more just getting ahead of myself (mentally) than anything else. There is a delay is processing with having ADHD and the impulses can get ahead of your rational decision making process in the moment. I've found that thinking about things ahead of time and making a game plan to work off of eliminates the need to make quick decisions in the moment which is where all these problems you are mentioning are coming from. If you have to make a decision right then in the moment....at least force yourself to walk around the block or do something else first and come back to it in a few minutes. Your anxiety about making a mistake and doing things wrong is getting in between your ability to think straight and make good decisions. Reduce your anxiety first and then make the decision by trying the things I said and see if that doesn't help.
Also......I might just get down on my hands and knees and pull the weeds around your wife's favorite plants (if that is possible) and do it the old fashioned way which would also solve your problem. Being impatient, impulsive and wanting to do things in a hurry is exactly why you are running into problems.....these things come together in one package. lol Slow down and see if that doesn't help.
J