How do you let what you have no control over effect you? If you live with a partner whom you share very little commonality with, you probably already know the answer to my question. Or, do you? Blindness is what I suffered with...She is wrong, I am right.

I don't know about you but the product of this mindset for me was anger, bitterness and many other emotional misery's to numerous to list....So what is the answer to a peaceful life?  Well, lets use me for the example, since I don't mind offending myself, I've found a dose of reality about myself each morning may taste bad, but it's good medicine for those around me...Ha Ha!....

First I had to see what my desire to change this person I married was doing to me. What had happened to my emotional state, and just how much of my time was (very unhealthy) spent obsessing over this lifestyle that I viewed as (intrusive, irresponsible and on course to destroy a marriage with so much promise) poison.

I had to deal with my own life, my own heart, and see myself, this was so hard for me, I had built up a wall of denial and all I could focus on was the emotional and physiological pain I was suffering at the hands of this other person. So, I prayed and trusted, I listened to tapes, I read a few books on marriage, I read books on the effects of ADD/ADHD. We even separated for almost a year...Went to counseling...But I have come (been brought) to a place where a few simple truths of life, is saving my life....

One is I am not responsible for my wife's action's, words, or thoughts. They in no wise define me or play ANY role in who I am as a man in this life...

Two I am the husband is this marriage, God has called me to place of leadership and responsibility (Ephesians 5) as his Child, and as her Husband, (to love her as I love myself) and I can never use her (nor does he) actions and words, as an excuse for forsaking my own responsibilities.

How does this play out in your life,, you my be asking? Well here are few things I can share w/ you...One and the main one is I have got to keep my focus on life, on me to have peace...The moment I start talking to myself about anything to do with her lifestyle, I start digressing....

Boundaries...I cannot let her inability or unwillingness to be neat :), go somewhere on time, pay bills on time, have self-control in all aspects of life from meals to bed times play a role in my own convictions to being responsible, and for my own well being.

 I don't mean I want do things I wouldn't ordinarily, add does effect my life, you cannot love someone who suffers w/ ADD and not be effected by it, just like she will also be effected by my own issues...But, I refuse to let it dictate my life, and who I am...There is a huge difference between enablement and being used....Vs....loving someone....Accountability is love...not all manifestations of love are pleasurable!

So in closing, I just want to say this one thing....To know does not give us the ability to perform that that we feel we know.....But, I do want to thank people like Melissa Orlov, Gary Chapman, Gary Thompson, Doctor James Stone, and many others who is giving their lives to help others...Also for the many others who have loved us and prayed for us, and for the men who have spoken truth to me and held me accountable...

But all the credit for healing of my anger, my bitterness and for the forgiveness of my many sin's against my wife goes to Jesus. Who truly is the living place of eternal peace and rest....:) Blessings Friends....