I am hoping someone can provide a comprehensive resource, or list of comprehensive resources, that discusses the various psychological problems that a non-ADHD spouse experiences due to the effects of living in an untreated/undertreated ADHD home. All my searches wind up leading me to articles that speak almost exclusively about the ADHD spouse. I am not talking about the spouse having their own disorder or anything--merely the psychological effects that the ADHD itself can create in the non-ADHD spouse.
My wife has been dealing with some mental health issues for several months, but I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago. I am trying to get this information to show her so that she can find out whether her depression, etc is a result of our home life living with ADHD.
Thanks!
Yup, Had To Take An Antidepressant As The Result Of My Marriage
Submitted by bilf on
Super sucks to say the least...
It's totally common sadly.
Many on this board can attest to it.
It is completely situational.
Another faction will be happy to tell you how the relationship has led them to getting a physical disorder. It sucks, but is completely true.
Thanks!
Submitted by MyD0j0 on
I realize some of what she is dealing with is likely situational while some is not. However, if I can provide her with some information (other than forum posts) that explains some of the psychological affects ADHD has on the non-ADHD spouse, that is something that she can then begin to discuss in an intelligent way with her therapist. Who by the way, after my wife told her I was diagnosed with ADHD, doesn't even correlate any of my wife's issues with possibly being linked to the problems ADHD causes in a marriage and had even, unprofessionally, suggested to her that I possibly had a mood disorder or was borderline personality (she's never even met me!! thankfully, my psychiatrist and counselor armed me with the information to quash that thought).
So...do you have any resources, links to articles, etc that I might be able to read up on with regard to the non-ADHD spouse and the psychological effects they can suffer from?
Chronic low-level depression
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Chronic low-level depression (sometimes called dysthemia); chronic anxiety; obsessive-compulsive behavior. The latter has been a result of feeling that I don't have any support in household and family matters. Making mistakes and not being perfect became much less acceptable when I realized that my spouse did not have my back.
I have my wife's back!
Submitted by MyD0j0 on
Having my wife's back is the reason I'm doing this! If she is armed with the knowledge of what psychological affects ADHD has on the non-ADHD spouse, then that is something she can then discuss with her therapist. Instead of believing the marriage is the problem, when the marriage is really only a symptom of how undiagnosed/under treated ADHD works on a family. I'm being treated and learning all I can about my ADHD and began working with a counselor/coach for the life skills part: she still is my "Sun, Moon and Stars" and I will do everything I can to begin working on our communication and being attentive to her.
But now I need some resources, links, etc to give to her so that she can be aware of how my ADHD has affected her (forum posts aren't likely as strong an argument as an article from a known legitimate source, if you know what I mean)!
Here are a few things. I
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Here are a few things. I hope they help!
http://www.addresources.org/?q=node/269
http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/men-adhd-who-arent-convinced-it-matters (directed at men with ADHD but might be useful for the therapist, too)
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/19/attention-disorders-can-take-a-...
http://www.addresources.org/?q=node/267
That was the ticket!
Submitted by MyD0j0 on
My wife has been dealing with codependency, also--mostly due to her father being an abusive, raging alcholic and partly due to my drinking (sober now) and now apparently my ADHD was adding to the mess! Yikes!
Thanks for those, that was very helpful!
This is exactly the situation
Submitted by jay2008 on
Rosered wrote: Chronic low-level depression (sometimes called dysthemia); chronic anxiety; obsessive-compulsive behavior. The latter has been a result of feeling that I don't have any support in household and family matters. Making mistakes and not being perfect became much less acceptable when I realized that my spouse did not have my back.
This is exactly the situation I am in as a non-ADHD partner. I have been to counseling to try and help myself and was diagnosed exactly with those three symptoms. I never really thought of it this way. I have been led to believe that my issues were always present. I'm not saying that they weren't, but they do seem to intensified the past few years after being in a long term relationship with an ADHD person.
I'd say this is me exactly.
Submitted by ss09 on
I'd say this is me exactly. I think I am predisposed to these issues...but boy oh boy have they blossomed in the past few yrs w/ my ADHD marriage.
yes,exactly
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
I am very depress lately, and i have been going through this ever since we have been together,i am experiencing hair loss and depressions as a result being with my ADHD spouse.Seeking help right now.
lovehurts.