So I am at a very hard and difficult place in my life. We are not married but have been together for 4 years. It's to the point where I have been in and out of counseling for years after being diagnosed. I really never took it seriously that I was the majority of the problem because of my ADD symptoms. I finally am very serious about my treatment as it being a non negotiable for her in our relationship. Well now we are not in a relationship but are still living together due to our son. He is from her previous marriage . He is my son and I don"t care what anyone thinks he is mine. I love him so much. That has been a problem also because of my inability to bond with him and not take accountability for my short fuse, irrability and not being present in those moments that count and are lost due to me being distracted. Recently him and I have really bonded. Her and I are in bad place. She feels emotionally abused due to me not giving her what she needs emotionally. Lack of being present, distracted by God knows what. I admit and know I have hurt us. It may be too late I fear. I am back in counseling and remain for the rest of my life. I love her, I love both of them. She says she loves me.but ia not in love with me. I am scared, insecure and a whole realm of other things. I don't know what to do. I have not been asked to leave the house yet. There is so much more to this situation that is affecting us. I know I have done a lot of harm, hurt and damage. How do I fix it? She states she will take attention if the opportunity arises from anyone. That hurts bad. Have I ruined us from being together and being happy? Is it too late? Does not want me to go anywhere with her. Feels disrespected due to me staring at other women bit I would never ever cheat or do anything. I have been cheated on in my previous relationship and know the pain. But yet my actions have hurt her from staring and gawking. Her and I were doing counseling together via remote Skype. I stopped doing that due to well I don't know why. Because I did not accept that my ADHD was the problem. I am lost and so confused. I will fight till the end for us. I pray that my counseling and accepting my part and being accountable for my actions will help me first off and us. Advice needed and appreciated. Any questions as well for clarification also.
Re-establiahing everything
Submitted by apcthinker on 11/07/2023.
my hat is off to you
Submitted by MATTHD on
Just want to say that it's admirable for you to even consider looking at your symptoms as the cause of her pain. Not everyone is capable of doing that and will just make excuses. I'm tempted to say that the simple acknowledgement of her pain (without pretense or manipulation) will help to heal.
Need to open up on that too
Submitted by bnslr on
Hey there, just came in to say that yes that's also bad habit of me being very defensive. I need to open up more and try to learn to give her this acknowledgment. Thanks for all the info here everyone!
If you continue seeing that
Submitted by Catlover333 on
If you continue seeing that the adhd has and is causing problem and you show with actions you are changing your behaviours, that's the best way to go. Sometimes people with adhd say a lot but don't follow through. Or they promise to change, they acknowledge what they do and then change their mind (very hurtful). It does sound weird though that she talks to you about attention from other people. She should keep those thoughts to herself.