My ADD H seems to not be able to set a goal or make a plan or think of the future or past...just now....just the happy now. At retirement, H sits and smokes and entertains himself. This morning, I suggested a challenge/plan to him for him. A small area of his hoarded masses to look at and organize and clean. He ignored me and then went about posturing like an alpha ape, sighing, slamming, huffing, glaring with a drama that the simple request did not deserve. I realize this is how he has always been but I had in the past just accepted it and sort of blamed myself for being a "nag"...which is a word he used to use A LOT. That aura of vindictive danger had "kept me in my place" for years . It worked for him. He is doing it now, just for me mentioning that I would appreciate it if he cleaned a portion of his office today.
I'm just posting this to help us all realize what is going on and to accept it for clarity, sanity and your own dignity.
It's not your fault if your spouse reacts this way. Realize and accept.
Hi, jennalemone. Thanks for
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Hi, jennalemone. Thanks for this post. It will be helpful to me as I enter a new stage of "formerly married to ADHD." As you might recall, I've been divorced for about 3 1/2 years. A major reason for the divorce was my then husband's decision to withdraw from marriage and parenting and to become his parents' caregiver instead. He had that "job" for 8 years. Then, this fall, his dad and mom died in quick succession (7 weeks apart). So now he's free (of caregiving) but he almost certainly will have primary responsibility for cleaning out (or at least cleaning up) his parents' house and at least shared responsibility for closing their estates. I fear that he will struggle with these responsibilities. But I realize and am working on accepting that this has nothing to do with me and is none of my business.
ADD/ADHD
Submitted by c ur self on
Jenna I read posts where spouse's finally walk away (divorce or separate) from the constant intrusive and overwhelming (much of the time for many) behaviors....For those of us who choose to stay, I think it's good to write about it (No one we could talk to face to face, could ever understand, even counselors, you have to live it) from time to time, for the clarity and acceptance you mentioned....In marriage acceptance is difficult, because it means living a defensive life style of boundaries, and discipline in order to lessen the effects (intentional and unintentional) on us....These posts and reminders can be great therapy for us when it comes to acceptance of the reality of it all....And very needed therapy I might add...Because in a marriage setting, it never goes away, unless one of us goes away....
c