After 40 years of my overfunctioning and supporting him, H says to me, "What did you EVER do for ME?" Don't let that be your story when you are over 60 years old.
Here is what might work with someone who does not see that they are not pulling their share of the workload. Just saw this going around on Facebook. I wish I would have done this EARLY in our partnership. I thinks it is too late for me. H is too far gone for any change or improvement. But here it is something for you younger people to use this with a child or spouse. After 40 years of my overfunctioning, H says to me, "What did you EVER do for ME?" Don't let that be your story when you are over 60 years old.
She taped a note to his door. The note included a contract that was intended to teach him a lesson about responsibility, respect and finances.
“Since you seem to have forgotten that you are only 13 and I’m the parent, and that you won’t be controlled, I guess you will need to learn a lesson in independence," Havisham wrote in the letter. “Also, as you threw in my face that you are making money now, it will be easier to buy back all the items I bought for you in the past.”
The mother then detailed the various bills her son would need to start paying now that he was making money, including $430 a month for rent, $116 for electricity, $21 for Internet and $150 for food.
“Also you will need to empty the trash Mon, Wed & Friday as well as sweep and vacuum those days," the note continues. "You will need to keep your bathroom clean weekly, prepare your own meals and clean up after yourself. If you fail to do so I will charge you a $30 maid fee for every day I have to do it."
“If you decide you would rather be MY CHILD again instead of a roommate, we can negotiate terms."
I Like This Jenna
Submitted by kellyj on
Instead of constantly telling or nagging. Showing and experiencing things first hand is a much better approach.....I'm saying this would have worked with me even though finances was not my issue. Why? Because I had it shoved down my throat in no uncertain terms....there is no question that this did not work but I like this idea better. Maid service however.....that was my downfall having ADHD. It's still a struggle but it has less to do with resistance or not learning how and more to do with not getting into the habit and including this into the time management aspect. The money would have motivated me to do it....and then I would have found out how long it takes and got use to including it into my routine.
Time management or money management.....it all has to do with underestimating how long or how much it takes regardless even if you are a responsible person with ADHD. Enabling is the life sentence for failure for a kid with ADHD. Structure and hands on learning....that's the ticket.
J
..and then I would have found out how long it takes and got use
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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..and then I would have found out how long it takes and got use to including it into my routine.
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This is why I often say that at a very young age, parents have to incorporate regular routine chores into their children's lives....so it just becomes "part of life" like brushing teeth and combing hair.
Even kids without ADHD (or w/o severe ADHD) will spend more time complaining and trying to get out of doing a chore than it would to DO the chore! How long does it take to put your empty soda can and empty snack wrapper in a trash can? How long does it take to put your dirty clothes in a hamper after you've removed them?