We've known about the ADHD for several months now. His biggest attempt in the matter is to "try harder" "do better" and "not treat me this way". But as a result, we wrap around to the same issues, the same destructive patterns and the same hurt and painful feelings. How much longer do I hold on? What options do I have? We are in the midst of rock bottom once again. I am raw with hurt and pain from neglect, abandonment, broken promises and being taken for granted moment after moment that I can see leaving as the only alternative. I do see the pain in his eyes. I see that he is hurting too, that perhaps he is "trying his best" but is just spinning his wheels. I have been kind. I have been patient. I have been hopeful. But I can't force the medication, the counseling or the treatment. It's lonely, it's just shy of abusive and I am not seeing a way to "calm down" and work this time through. The hopelessness is overwhelming and I feel at this time I would be much less lonely if I were alone, rather than in a roommate situation.
Has anyone been this far down, and come back up again - when you aren't in control of the ADHD and their behavior, treatment or otherwise? Any suggestions would be helpful.
Are you married?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Are you married? Do you have children? How long have you been together? Why do you stay?
We are married 23 years and
Submitted by skaterone12 on
We are married 23 years and recently empty nesters. Had I any of this information early on, I would have realized sooner that "I'm not the problem". Other marriages didn't seem to have such difficulty so I was convinced I was doing something wrong. Plus, my vow means everything to me and I don't wish to spend my later years with anyone else. I want this to work, but we get so low that sometimes I feel like there's no way we can make it work. I need to know that we can have it healthy, happy, loving, intimate. We are rollercoasting with cycles and the hopelessness is digging deeper and deeper with each cycle - probably magnified with the empty nest.
Hi skaterone...
Submitted by c ur self on
I feel by my wife just like you feel by your husband....Commented....The only way I have found to deal with her living of life is to disengage from all the expectations that things will change, and the arguing had to stop...I had to deal w/ me...It is so hard to not wish and hope for our mates to be calm loving responsible people...But, for many who are so easily distracted, and make poor choices at the drop of a hat, who also battle their own minds so hard that they can hardly ever find any consistency in being responsible for much of anything....Just getting to their jobs each day is a monumental task...WE have to accept what is in front of us and deal w/our own hearts and lives...we cannot let our minds get so dominated by their living of life, or we will loose our own...acceptance doesn't mean you agree, it just give you the freedom and peace to accept that it is what it is....
C