I’ve been on this site a lot lately because my ADHD and the lack of understanding and control of the symptoms has driven my wife to wanting a divorce yet again. I don’t blame her for how she feels and to be honest if I were in her shoes I would want out as well. She has endured a lot and is simply worn out by me. My hope and prayer is that if I can get a sold grip on my ADHD and a miracle from God that my marriage will be spared.
I have been digging deep and working on a well rounded plan to address all of the symptoms, habits, lifestyle, etc. I found a good psychologist, adjusting my diet, learning to use meditation and mindfulness, getting better sleep, stopped watching tv, reading a lot to better understand what I am dealing with, etc.
A few days ago I was poking around some of the other area on the site and found a section that Melissa had posted about RSD ( Rejection Sensitive Dysphasia ) and I nearly fell of my chair. The more I read the more that some of my issues and problems made sense. I was reading about myself and what felt like my life story.
I am one of the minority that have known about my ADHD since I was ten years old, forty five years ago. Unfortunately my father didn’t want me to take Ritalin because it supposedly stunts your growth. (Thanks doc for telling him that) So I went unmediated for most of my life. Thanks only to my wife I finally went to a psychiatrist ten years ago and was diagnosed as bipolar 2 and ADHD (which I already knew) as a result I was prescribed Adderall for the ADHD and Lamictal for the bipolar.
I have never felt I was bipolar, I never felt overly manic. I have a couple friends that are bipolar and when they get manic it’s very apparent, they are bouncing off the walls. So I spoke with my current psychiatrist about it on the phone and he seems to think that I am correct and wants to meet and explore this further. If what I think to be going on with me is true it will be a game changer for me. I’m not foolish enough to think it’s the magic bullet that will fix all my problems but it will be one big piece of the puzzle. So with some luck I am one step closer to being a better and happier person.
C
Hope.
Submitted by smd1409 on
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time and I feel for you. It's never fun having to admit your flaws, especially when you can't seem to get a solid grip on them.
God willing, there will be a light at the end and you will have that grip that you desire, or peace of mind with what you have to go through. ADD really isn't as easy as it looks to be. It almost feels like there's some ninja consistently trying to sabotage everything you do, or some sort of possession that hates that you should become better.
Of the things you've tried, what do you feel has made the most improvements in your life? Maybe there's a pattern there that will help you see which methods that will make more efficiently the road to improvement.
Hope is the word
Submitted by BIGREDDOG on
Thank you for your response. Yes it has been really hard lately. In one of the books I am reading the author said that people make the most significant changes to their lives I n response to difficult situations. In my life as well, that always seems to be the case, so I will use the pain and sorrow from all of this to drive me to achieve a better understanding of how to combat the symptoms of my ADHD and be the person I desire to be.
I have tried a lot of things to address my ADHD and some have worked and some have not. I think I have a pretty good grasp of what needs to be done to achieve my goals. I have come to realize that setting up a network of accountability to insure that I continue to stick with my program is a key factor. I am feeling good about the direction I am headed and I will stick to it weather or not my wife decides to follow through with the divorce.
As for admitting my own flaws, I have to honor the truth. I know that everyone brings some sort of baggage to a relationship, but in most cases those things can be worked out between each other or with professional help. In my case what has driven our relationship apart is the repercussions of my unchecked ADHD and I must take responsibility for that. I can see the damage that I have done to my wife and it really hurts me to know it was my doing. As much as it feels like I am dying from the inside out, I know that the kindest, most loving thing I can do for her is to let her go so she can heal and live a happy life. I’m not really sure how I am going to do that because of the selfish desire I have deep inside me to stay married to her, but I’m working on that with my therapist.
All I can say as of right now is that I will keep trying hard to be the best man I can be and by the grace of God hopefully my marriage will survive.
Thanks
C