My partner is adhd without any medication we've been in a relationship for 7 months and he comes over to stay for a few night every week, when we first got together his hyperfocus was on me and as it went on his hyperfocus went away and I researched adhd and taught myself that the condition he has is why I'm no longer the hyperfocus and I've accepted it (I've research deeply into ADHD to try and avoid relationship issues) but can someone please help me because when he's over he's on the Xbox or play station for ages and I'm just sitting there not doing anything and feel a little over looked :/.
I have major depression and might be type two bipolar I suffered a major relapse 3 months ago and have been struggling through, I have no social life apart from when I go to work and when my partner comes over that's the only other person I have contact with apart from family, personal issues make me rather careful (money) but I still make effort to cook a good meal (steak for a treat, and it isn't cheap) when he's over but he has never offered the same back. When he's over I'm always the one getting him food/drink because he can't be bothered to go downstairs and get it when he knows he's at home here, tonight I just got back up from having a bath didn't even get to the top of the stairs and he says food please........ I told him he knows where the kitchen is but he wouldn't so of course I got him food while he plays on the Xbox. I have no issue with him playing it for a while but he knows I'm very lonely and suffer with severe anxiety/depression and just a little of his full attention would be nice and not feeling like a spare part. I'm not asking him to buy me everything but when he tells me he'll waste £40 of a bouncy castle but no offer of buying a meal for us or helping me just an offer or doing something for me would be nice I feel like it's all one sided and don't know how to address the issues with him. Even though I struggle with funds if he needs something I'll offer it if I can but I never get anything back Is this adhd symptoms? Please someone give me advice.
7 big buts
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Sookie,
Wow. He may have ADHD. He would really need to be diagnosed by a professional. I am sure we all at one time or another started to suspect our spouse may have adhd by picking out some of the negative behaviors.
How old are you and how old is he? He certainly sounds like he found quite a comfortable place to stay. From all you have shared here,- below I have bolded your comments about yourself, I would really hope you may want to take all this information to whoever is helping you through your depression, and ask for direction. I wish you well, and hope you will take gentle care of yourself first and foremost.
Liz
My partner is adhd without any medication.
we've been in a relationship for 7 months
he comes over to stay for a few night every week
his hyperfocus was on me and as it went on his hyperfocus went away
I researched adhd and taught myself that the condition he has is why I'm no longer the hyperfocus
I've accepted it (I've research deeply into ADHD to try and avoid relationship issues)
when he's over he's on the Xbox or play station for ages
I'm just sitting there not doing anything and feel a little over looked
I have major depression and might be type two bipolar
I suffered a major relapse 3 months ago and have been struggling through,
I have no social life apart from when I go to work and when my partner comes over
that's the only other person I have contact with apart from family, personal issues make me rather careful (money)
I still make effort to cook a good meal (steak for a treat, and it isn't cheap) when he's over
he has never offered the same back.
I'm always the one getting him food/drink
he can't be bothered to go downstairs and get it
he knows he's at home here, tonight
I just got back up from having a bath didn't even get to the top of the stairs and he says food please........
I told him he knows where the kitchen is
he wouldn't so of course I got him food while he plays on the Xbox.
I have no issue with him playing it for a while
he knows I'm very lonely and suffer with severe anxiety/depression
just a little of his full attention would be nice and not feeling like a spare part.
I'm not asking him to buy me everything
he tells me he'll waste £40 of a bouncy castle but no offer of buying a meal for us or helping me just an offer or doing something for me would be nice
I feel like it's all one sided and don't know how to address the issues with him.
Even though I struggle with funds if he needs something I'll offer it if I can but I never get anything back
Is this adhd symptoms?
Please someone give me advice.
How do I talk to him about it ?
Submitted by Sookie on
He was diagnosed ADHD 3 years ago but refused any medication or other treatment options, we get on well together we laugh have fun but it's the lack of him knowing I need some care just as much as he does. When he's over while not on the Xbox he'll listen but not respond and quickly moves on to whatever he's focusing on and he does this more when we text it'll be like I haven't said anything or I'll barely hear from him on some days.
We're both 21 years old I've always been a lot more mature for my age, due to my anxiety I get embarrassed and panicked in public easily and sometimes how he behaves makes me feel like I'm a mother to him I have to tell him to stop or calm down, sometimes he jumps all over me in the shop while I'm trying to buy us dinner and it sometimes is so embarrassing for me. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be mean I love him to bits and he has always been honest about what he's like but I need help how I can approach him about his lack of commitment when I need his support or help.
I always buy good food and make him feel at home, he knows where everything is and he knows he's welcome to have what he wants, but I get no offer of him to help me. It would be so nice to have him cook for me and make me feel special or take me out for one night but when I ask if he's taking me out anytime soon (hint hint) he just pulls a face and makes a joke. It makes me feel like saying to him in a fit of anger so it's fine for me to spend my money that I have little of and work hard for, but you won't take me out just once in while... Am I not worth it? He is more finically stable and is always buying things that many would consider luxury what he buys is a luxury to me, he has no need to pay rent etc to his parents so what's his is his, I live with my parents and help them as much as I can as our funding is all of us and we stick together, I tell him my deepest painful problems and he's seen me in tears I've looked at so many posts of people suffering from not communicating and it ending in hatred and I really don't want to go down that road.
Hes a hard working, honest person and he's not afraid to tell people how it is ( I wish I had the guts to be the same, but I think I need to dig deep and say how I feel to him as hard as I'll find it) he's very loving when he's with me likes to let people know I'm special to him but I need him to show me I am . I just want to know how I can talk to him more effectively with his ADHD.
Do not expect magic
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
Hi Sookie
Submitted by c ur self on
ShellieNW has told you the strait of it from my view also...
You say you both are 21. Well you have a lot of life in front of you, so think real hard if this is what you want it to be like? I wouldn't expect a lot of change in his behaviors....Maturity sure. But, many of us live daily with 40-70 year olds who manifest the same behaviors your 21 year old BF is...You sound like a pleasant, caring, smart and shy girl.
Some people's mind does not work well when it comes to seeing the impact of their behaviors....Some people's mind doesn't work well when it comes to consideration of others....Most of these type minds can thrive alone, but they aren't equipped for sharing and/or relationships. The simplest expectations we have for our mates to share in life with us, is almost impossible for them. It's better for some men and women to live alone no matter how sweet they are on the surface. The people who try to have a relationship with them will spend much of their lives being overwhelmed and feeling alone and abandoned anyway. I don't know your friend, how he was raised and taught, but I do know what it's like to experience living with someone's who struggles to recognize there spouse has needs also....You might want to slide out of this and just be friends, self absorbed folks make great friends to spend a few hours with...Because since that's the way they live 24/7 they have perfected the art of fun things, thrill seeking and such....The daily expectation of nurturing relationships and the caring of responsibility's, not so much....Blessing!