I have come to the conclusion. Self absorbed minds, are the biggest blocks in relationships (Parent/Child, Spouse to Spouse, Friend to Friend, Co-worker to Co-worker) that I've ever come across...The person who lives in a self absorbed mind, can not put their selves in another's shoes...It creates denial when it comes to their own actions. They can't take corrective criticism w/o turning angry. It is almost impossible for a self absorbed mind to have a healthy relationship of any kind...
A self absorbed mind will tell you what they want, and what they want from you very quickly, but they will hardly ever ask you what you want** or how you feel about anything...They will usually always have conflict with some one going on...They will most always hold grudges and demand apology's with out ever having the ability to consider their own actions....They are most always victims...
Anyone have any dealings w/ self absorbed minded people??
C
Sadly, yes
Submitted by Terra on
Thank you, c ur self. This week has been rough - a close friend (from her perspective, she's a "former friend," which is only because she is going to extremes in her absorption in her skewed feelings - she is most definely *not* ADHD, btw). She told me, don't call, don't contact, so, I'm not. She has told people I've gossiped about her (even here, now, I have not) and am planning to undermine her (no).
It's painful, to know that someone who matters to me - she does, I'm her friend regardless of this current state of affairs - is going off the rails. And, there's nothing I can do, except pray. (Did you laugh? Hope so, because, hey, prayer is what we're supposed to do anyway, those of us who pray - and many do. As C.S. Lewis said, "I pray because *I* need to (connect, that way)."
PS to anyone wondering, my prayer for my friend is that somehow, however is best suited to her, that somehow she experience the love that surounds her, that she feel to the extent she can (not overwhelming, or, not too much so) how loved, and loveable she is.
Ah, c ur self, I lack your eloquence. Try as I might... happily, most of the time, there are one or two who don't mind that. Besides the three or seven that I know personally, maybe you neither won't mind.
PPS I'm participating in these forums in hopes of better understanding how to better contribute, actively, in *all* my relationships - every kind. And hoping to better understand what can be wonderful, in what I bring to my relationships - all of them, every variety - including my slip-slidy attention brain.
Hi Terra....
Submitted by c ur self on
No I'm not laughing....Pray w/o ceasing! Yep, I would just give her her space also...Once someone starts making accusations that aren't based on truth or reality...It's time to give them their space. Only bad things usually happen if we attempt to force interaction...
The way our minds work has nothing to do with how our hearts work...
Blessings
C
I am reminded of "The
Submitted by ArtGamer on
I am reminded of "The Scorpion and the Frog."
Self-absorbed people are predictable in their self-absorbed-ness. It is their nature.
ADHD people are unpredictable by nature.
If you favor predictability, you will choose self-absorbed. If you favor unpredictability, you will choose ADHD.
With almost 7 billion people on the planet, there is no need to choose either if you don't want to.
Predictable?
Submitted by Terra on
I don't see the predictability, in perceiving wrongs, and being in conflict with someone or other (while, with others, not) etc.?
The friend who decided that we're in conflict was acting "normally," in the give-and-take of relationship. Until recently. But, appartently the self-absorbtion has been developing for a while.
There's another fable, rather a folktale, about a young man who displeased someone with magical powers, who imprisoned the youth in a large sumptuous room with no door. The walls were interspersed with windows and mirrors, in equal measure. If he spent more time looking out the windows, the windows got bigger (If he succeeded in turning the walls into windows-only, he would regain his freedom). Instead, despite being warned at the start, he spent most of his time looking at his reflection, and feeling victimized, and rearranging his hair, etc. Once the walls were mirrors only, he'd be in the dark, and permanently stuck there. He did for a while remember to spend time making the windows grow - but became distressed, because looking outside reminded him that he was being "unfairly" locked in this room, and pitying himself. (I think the story ended with it looking highly unlikely that he'd realize that he did have control of the situation, if he could just tolerate his feelings of distress & frustration....)
Terra, sorry to hear about
Submitted by ArtGamer on
Terra, sorry to hear about the difficulties with your friend. I was not replying to your post. I was replying to the original post by "c ur self" about preferring ADHD people to self-absorbed people.
I hear you ArtGamer...So many wonder why people dodge them...
Submitted by c ur self on
You can't choose your family :)
I was sharing something with my W tonight about another family member who is stuck in this self-absorbed mind set....She looked at me and said something like...Why don't you speak the truth in Love to them?? I told her I do, at the level they are capable of receiving it...To love someone who isn't able to see themselves or consider their own actions is tricky, Truth is like pouring hot oil on someone who would have to be able to experience enough humility to ask themselves the question...Could it be me?? ***Let me think about this from their point of view***...That isn't a possibility w/ a self absorbed mind...All they have is high emotion, judgments, accusations and victim thinking...
I've found out the best thing I can do with this type mind is just not agree are participate in victim language...Most self absorbed minds who have to be right in their feelings about every thing usually seeks affirmation and approval from others...Just don't fall to the temptation to give it to them...Narcissistic personality's usually go hand in hand w/ these self absorbed minds. And Narcs. usually produce very intimidating behaviors in seeking affirmation and approval for their self benefiting view points...
Giving Love some times can be painful...When this type mind can't manipulate you into agreement, they may cut you off also...Our silence in these cases is the best way to speak the truth in love...
C
I hear you.
Submitted by ArtGamer on
I hear you.
For me, I have developed a simple approach through my own experience. Yes, give love and be kind, but I don't expect anything in return. I don't share much of my personal life, thoughts, and opinions because that is for people who have earned my trust. Trust cannot be given, it must be earned.
It isn't pessimism, just realism. They are happy because they get the attention they want and they don't really care about my life, anyway, at least not in any deep or meaningful way. I am happy because the relationship doesn't have room or potential for melodrama, emotional blackmail, or being stabbed in the back.
And very true, you can't choose your family. But like everyone else, they have to earn trust. In my case, most of them have not. And since I have adopted that approach, I am happier and so are they.
Yep...
Submitted by c ur self on
If we stick to realism and stay away from idealism we will be better off!
Acceptance of Reality!
C