Lately I've been thinking about the partners in ADHD-affected relationships struggling to find their bearings.

Do both the ADHD partner and the non suffer so much from loss of orientation that it can end the relationship?

I seem to read all the time about two individuals who don't share a universe. One feels they are unappreciated and misunderstood and blamed without reason. The other that they are exhausting themselves without reward or effect and their partner behaves like a difficult child.

Wouldn't both experience a major loss of confidence? They don't get their needs met. Their struggles aren't acknowledged. There seems to be no justice, or reason for the partner's behavior. No map, no compass. No logic.

It takes a lot to be a loving partner. If we're too lost, maybe we just don't have what it takes. 

I think of ADHD as a force majeure in my own marriage. Powerful enough to override all good intentions and hard work. Making me so nauseous there was finally no way but to get out.

At this point in divorce, we are so far apart in our views of what's happened, I believe we can never again share one. (Conversations would be futile and we don't have them.) I think we snapped that bond and both of us instantly slammed back into our own perception of the world. I suspect the end of love had to do with orientation and trusting one's own senses finally becoming more important than anything else, for both of us.