Submitted by ShouldaCouldaWoulda on 12/29/2022.
Is there any correlation between adhd and the adhd man or woman shutting people out when they get mad at them? Whether or not they were in the wrong?
My wife pretty much alienated many people in her family. She had no issue telling them that they were dead to her.
I don't know if it's an ADHD thing
Submitted by swampyankee on
....but yes. My husband has outright alienated two sisters and a few friends. One sister, he had regrets about and (with my help) was able to bring her back into the fold. The others have steered clear, and for good reason.
He's also gone defcon 5 on me on occasion as well. But he can't get rid of me that easily, because, you know, laws.
Yes
Submitted by ShouldaCouldaWoulda on
When my wife feels she has been slighted, it doesnt matter, friend or family- she shuts them out harshly and immediately.
Its like everything has to be to her will and her way, and then thats the only time she will discuss anything.
There is NO debates with her. Her mom and myself are the only ones that could ever go far in a debate with her, but even that wasnt far, she would never forget it and she would ruminate on all of it. almost like painting someone 'black'...never let anyting go.
I used to joke and say her mind was like a rolodex and anything she took as a slight, no matter if it was, or how small...she would file it away and it WILL come back at a later date....even 30- 40 years later, Yet, NEVER remember the good things someone may have done for her- the bad, no matter how small, ALWAYS trumps the good- no matter how much good.
Blinders
Submitted by adhd32 on
H doesn't see the good work because it is his expectation that all the work is my responsibility as his spouse and he deserves my service and support. But a small mistake made by me is fodder for years to come. H has cut many out of his life due to perceived slights and now has no friends. He is jealous of my friends and my relationship with our grown children and acts like a child when I spend time with them. I am only on his radar when he feels my attention is turned to someone else otherwise he ignores me until I focus on someone else. What kind of a$$hole is jealous of their grown child's relationship with their mother? He makes his presence known in a negative way whenever they visit. He could teach a class on how to alienate yourself in 3 easy lessons.
shutting out
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
It may be that she gets overwhelmed with emotions when dealing with them and 'escaping' from dealing with them is easier for her to manage than engagement.
Probably so
Submitted by ShouldaCouldaWoulda on
Until she gets therapy, I dont think she will ever learn a different way to process those feelings, Melissa.
I tried to help but probably ended up not helping very well. It was so different than what one would think a relationship should be.
Lack of awareness, complacency, and therapy/proper therapy didnt help any of us.