The opportunity was given to my husband for an all expenses paid trip out of the country for our family of four (a gift from his parents). Speaking with him about the trip was as follows: (I promise this is not an exaggeration, I know it sounds ridiculous)
Tuesday: him: do you want to go? Me: yes Him: I don't want to go with my family so I don't want to go...
Wednesday: him: do you want to go? Me: yes Him: I don't want to but you can go okay ask my parents..
Thursday: Him: do you want to go? Me: yeah Him: I told you I don't want to go with my family. Me: okay it's your family so it's your call.
Friday: Him: so you want to go? Me: yeah - I would love to, we could all have a great time. Him: ok call and talk to my parents Me:they don't even like me, the invitation was given to you. Him: I don't want to go.
Saturday: Him: so do you want to go? Me: why do you keep asking me - you know I want to go, but you don't so what is the purpose of this. HiM: oh I won't ask anymore, I thought you said you didn't want to go. Me: I never said that, why do you keep asking me if you know you don't want to go. Him: I don't want to talk about it anymore. Me: you're the one who keeps bringing it up, so let's talk about it. Him: this is our problem when you don't want to talk about something we don't but when I don't you keep on...
I am sure you can guess what followed.. I was ignored, made to think I was overreacting for my final response to his questioning. He drank all night, came to bed at 0300, then pretended the next day as if nothing happened. Does this make sense to anyone! Ugh I could have just screamed at the top of my lungs!!! Just another typical week in the life.
Although I've never had THAT happen, I totally believe you.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My H is also an alcoholic, so he says and does things that TOTALLY do NOT make ANY sense at all. So, I totally believe you....and certainly, you wouldn't make this up! lol
Have you ever considered RECORDING these episodes ??? I have downloaded a Recording app on my phone and I have the icon on the front screen so I can easily record those situations.....because my H will later claim that they didn't happen. I rely heavily on PROOF....for my sanity and to stop some of this nonsense.
After a good recording is made, I email it to myself for any future needs.
I also keep a daily journal.
oh....I forgot to add....before my H retired, I purposely did a lot of communicating thru emails (now I use texts) to record these things as well. And, when we've had a conversation that I think may later lead to "an episode" I will come up with an excuse to text him immediately to record the situation.
for instance....If H wants me to buy a gift for his mom, but then says he wants me to do something else that day, I will text him and say, "ok, so I'm going to do that other thing that you want because it's ok for me to buy your mom's gift another day, correct?'
The reason I have to document these things because of the "now " and "not mow" things that go on in an ADHD mind. YOU see, if I didn't document, then later on when H would complain that I didn't buy his mom's gift, and then if I said, "you said that I could do that later," H would deny it .....because of the "now" issue. Right "now" he wants that gift for his mom. So, then I can show him the proof.