Submitted by jennalemon on 05/18/2014.
What do you think of this statement? Anyone have thoughts?
"There is something in the most inhumane part of human nature that enjoys hurting smaller and weaker beings, particularly if they annoy us or make demands on us."
This was said by someone with ADHD. It has been haunting me ever since I heard it.
It seems dh does "get a charge" out of inflicting chaos and doing things "his own way" even though it is affecting someone else to be uncomfortable and uneasy. Is he doing it because he is unfocused or because he enjoys hurting smaller and weaker beings?
re: smaller, weaker beings
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
That statement kind of freaks me out, Jenna. It sounds rather sociopathic, truth be told.
I'll be the first to admit that it took me a long time to recognize that fighting with my husband gave me a charge, though he is far from a "smaller, weaker being." My husband must have said to me 100 times, "Once I lose it, you immediately calm down."
I finally recognized that that was because my brain "turned on" from the adrenaline rush of fighting and that sometimes when I was unfocused and/or tired, I was unconsciously scanning the horizon for a way to get my brain to focus better. I really did NOT understand what was happening until I read about the stimulating effect of fighting, and even then, it took a while to see the light. I'm sure you have noticed that it is rather difficult for people with executive functioning deficits to utilize their executive functioning to solve their executive functioning issues ;).
But no, that statement sounds horrendous, both as a mother with ADHD and a teacher. God help my children and students if I were that type of person.
As far as your DH is concerned, it is hard to say from here. There is some obliviousness, for sure. I'm sure he is also sufficiently blinded from his drinking as well.
Gosh!!!
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
jennalemon,
That statement sounds harsh, and mean.
The first thought that came to my mind was : "People get their power where they can get it."
Sad if that place is only smaller weaker beings. Makes me shudder.
So Much to Say Here
Submitted by kellyj on
I could write a Doctoral essay on this topic as it has had such a profound effect on my life in so many areas and being succinct is not my strong suit.....but I'll try and keep this short (I don't have time to give this the credit of everything I have learned for myself....thinking how to do this?)
Based on: a combination of learned and experience (me)
My ADHD tendencies:
extroversion.....need for socialization which energizes me.... (pro) very social. Paired with another extrovert......I feed the same need for them harmoniously
(con)...intrusion on other people (introverts) need for isolation to accomplish the same thing (re-energize). Introverts view me as a threat or attack on their need to do this: Invader, attacker, threatener, interloper, intruder, callous,draining, life sucking, thoughtless, careless,self absorbed, self serving, selfish, relentless,aggressive
Intention: none without awareness....same with awareness but now with responsibility to others
Passive (me): shy away from aggression and conflict at all costs. Congenial, herd mentality, non adversarial, non competitive, low need to control others, low need for personal power and control over others, low threshold for aggression, anger and hostility from others.....flight always if I can.
Shadow to this (dark side)....sudden flip from flight (when cornered without escape from aggression) to extreme fight response (adrenalin)....not fight to win but fight to stop the threat which usually takes the form of bringing a gun to a knife fight.....one upping my opponent in a very competitive adversarial style. (Learned response from years of competition in sports with a high degree of ability and motivation to not just win but beat my opponent when engaged in healthy competition on an even playing field with a willing competitor)
In other words...by nature I am passive....mild mannered, even shy at times. I can be very polite,courteous and mannerly (learned from my mother who could have been a white house cotillion maitre d). These all serve my need to be social and congenial out of my extroversion tendencies. My internal needs and pre- disposition tend to be balanced in this way.
Combined in healthy ways.....outwardly I can also be competitive, outgoing and fit well in places where healthy aggression and aggressive team play in sports and business are needed qualities. My language has adopted this style from years of being in men's locker rooms and ...talking the talk. My somewhat (eclectic) personality can be contradicting in many ways because of this.
I also have a balanced need for isolation and down time (introversion) which has become even more apparent after I started taking Adderall. I definitely appear more subdued and calmer outwardly than I did before I started taking it and my need to have down time has increased as a result (to recharge my internal battery)
When this is threatened and I become unbalanced....my default is based on my (learned competitiveness) which I also love in the appropriate setting even when I am not threatened. The combination of these two can be ruthless when it becomes mal-adaptive. This is where the Jeckel and Hydye split comes from but is very limited to highly aggressive, antagonistic, hostility from others........Bullies, agitators, hostile aggression for personal gain and predators make me very uncomfortable and I tend to have a hair trigger to people like this. My gun is locked and loaded around these people and I react very quickly in response to them.
If I was a dog.....I would be a "fear" biter.
I'm the embodiment of : walking softly but carrying a big stick
I hope this helps give you some perspective on this subject. It's taken me a very long time to understand this aspect about myself which came from a need to control my fight response out of threat when cornered with no escape route..... especially when I misinterpret threats that are actually something else in others.
J