Submitted by inSearchForHope on 01/02/2020.
I do not need help and I do not need advice, just wish for the whole world to collapse with me. No I do not need hope. Hope hurts. Open heart hurts. Everything hurts. Sometimes for a moment I understand it is me, but the thought is do horrible that I blur and fade it away. I want to scream so hard that everything around would fall but I lost my voice. There's night, and in the morning I will have to face him. I'm sick of fear. If people could die from fear I would be long gone.
when I met him I wondered why I received such blessing. But that was a curse in disguise.
I heard waiting for execution is worse than execution itself. It is. You die piece by piece, bit by bit. Unable to save yourself of speed up the death
ad infinitum
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
And if you try to explain what you are encountering to most other people they will give you 'advice' to do the same things you have tried dozens of times before but just loop back ad infinitum. .
See Melissa's post (from 10 years ago!!!)
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/add-marriage-non-add-spouses-who-gi...
Great post BUT .....
Submitted by inSearchForHope on
Awhile ago I asked my husband to read Melissa" s articles. No idea if he actually did. But maybe .. because just a few days ago he sms"Ed me that he will be spending more free time and set more boundaries ( basically do whatever however and whenever he wants , also, he'll only talk to me when he wants and has a right to walk out anytime during conversation) . That was relayed through the message and after he walked out ignoring me for the day.
Here is some funny:( ADHD take on healthy boundaries:(:(:(
I see myself in this post 24
Submitted by How Long will t... on
I see myself in this post 24 years ago. YES, 24 years ago. It is a total roller coaster ride, and I'm still riding it! How are you doing?
I’m still standing
Submitted by inSearchForHope on
Honestly, I'm extremely anxious around him. He says he is with me but the bibe I'm picking up from him suggests he wants me gone. Life was certainly easier for him before marriage because he legitimately focused only on himself. Marriage does not work that way though. I have debilitating stress headaches on more days than I don't ( at 30 something:() and sometimes pass out from pain. I cry seemingly out of blue few times a day.
he changed his behavior towards me as much as he could but I'm not healing or calming down as fast as he wants. He clearly does not understand the magnitude of damage done:(
often I feel like just a bit more pain will finally turn me into pure energy burst that will dissipate into the air. That close:(
it's being 12 years. HOW DID YOU SURVIVE 24?....
I survived because we always
Submitted by How Long will t... on
I survived because we always had a ton of friends and they served as buffers. My husband is very outgoing and a pleasure to be with in a group situation- it's behind closed doors that the craziness shows itself. I also learned to kind of live in my own little world when we were home together. We don't engage in many conversations, it just ends in a fight - no matter what the topic is. You would not believe the ridiculous things that get said to me. I have done a lot of research on ADHD and one of the things that really struck home with me is that they need that constant adrenalin rush and if they aren't getting it with fun or excitement they will create conflict. Mine is a pro at this. I suffer from adrenal gland fatigue that I can say is a direct result of my marriage. I'm in a constant fight or flight pattern. My husband has told me on many occasions that he wished he had never married me, and then will deny he ever said it. If you are going to stay together, I think you have to adopt the attitude of focusing on yourself more and not the marriage. We are not in typical marriages, and they do not know how to have a normal relationship.
Stay strong, but if your health gets much worse, you really need to evaluate what is more important.