Submitted by Momma1234 on 01/03/2020.
My husband says he is only taking his medicine for me and if it weren't for me he wouldn't take it. This is heartbreaking. I don't feel like him taking the medicine only for me will ever work right?
My husband says he is only taking his medicine for me and if it weren't for me he wouldn't take it. This is heartbreaking. I don't feel like him taking the medicine only for me will ever work right?
Med's not the be all fix all....
Submitted by c ur self on
Marriage difficulties are more about lack of commitment, bad attitudes, and failure to own (blame & projection) one's actions....
My wife takes med's, (adderall) she was taking it when I meet her 12 years ago...It took me years to notice if she is medicated or not... Because there is no medicine that can correct selfishness and unconcern...
About the only difference I see is, when she is taking it, her energy level is up, and she has more ability to focus....But, if you are focusing on the wrong things, (Selfish interests, instead of marital interests) and putting your added energy into the wrong things, (self entertainment, instead of family responsibilities) then what benefit is it, when it comes to a marriage relationship?
Meds, have never, and will never, correct indifference.....A self-absorbed mind on speed, is just one that has more energy to entertain themselves.....If a husband or wife w/ add, has a right attitude, and is totally committed w/ right priorities, can med's help w/ distraction? Yes!...My wife probably would struggle to stay employed without it.....
ADD/ADHD or not...Med's or not....We all have to Care!...Our spouses, just like us, has to accept their roles, willingly and lovingly. At that point they will usually willingly accept the med's, if normal daily life is so overwhelming to them....
Protect yourself with boundaries, that is something you can control...Thinking he will be a better Husband, Father and provider, if you can force him on a drug against his will, is a definite slippery slope at best....
Best wishes on getting your relationship in order....
c
Being willing, even
Submitted by SweetandSour on
Being willing, even reluctantly, is a big step. I think I would praise/validate/thank him for being willing to try the medication and for any other step that he makes - and just ignore the negative comments. Maybe they are his way of saving face or expressing his anxiety. Taking a medication that changes your mood or the way you think is a big and scary thing and it's not without risks so he does deserve credit for doing it. If he has ADHD he likely says whatever pops into his head, but what he's doing (taking the meds) is more significant. You don't have to engage him when he's in complaining mode.
Meds are NOT necessarily good...
Submitted by inSearchForHope on
My husband took 2 different adhd meds. One made him plain physically sick. The other one definitely changed his personality. Things that made it harder to be around him stayed/ got worse. It is harder to be seen / connect with him now. He likes second one. From my perspective they did more harm . I wish he never took any adhd meds:(
Fiance
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Years before we met, my fiance went on medication in conjunction with seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. He was placed on meds, to help him focus on therapy, and to be able to organize thoughts. He went off the meds after he found a routine he could stick with.
I found this to be the case
Submitted by Shelleyn on
I found this to be the case at our house as well. He decided to stop taking the meds now, not for that reason LOL.... but there has been improvement.
Re: taking the adhd meds in our case
Submitted by dedelight4 on
My H, has been on medication (Concerta) for 15/16 years now, and it is very beneficial. The effects of it are beneficial and glaringly different, when he takes them, vs. when he doesn't take them. He renewed his Rx just before Thanksgiving, and that group of pills didn't seem to do ANYTHING.
It was like he was taking nothing at all, because he became extremely restless again, back with the hair trigger anger response, couldn't seem to focus on much, and was sleeping or running.(one or the other). Even he himself, really noticed a difference and asked the doctor to give him a different Rx. But, the insurance wouldn't fill it until the entire month/or 2 months had passed, ugh! Plus, the cost was astronomical. If we didn't wait for the "time to be up" on the medication, we would have had to pay over 1,000 dollars for one prescription. Insanity. Some drug companies and labs are bilking the people and insurance companies.
He has been SUCH a different person without the real Concerta. (A lot of regression) And, he's like he was BEFORE he started taking anything.......the lack of focus, and easily angered being the two most noticeable. In our case, it works well, and works for him well.
So, today he gets his new bottle, and I pray this one works. There's no doubt in our minds, anymore, whether or not the adhd medication works. It does for him. I guess it depends on the person and the type of meds. Some may not do so well.
He also has been working with a colleague who ALSO has adhd, but is unmedicated. And, wow, this guy is VERY symptomatic, and could seriously use the meds. He does good work, but gets off task, forgets things, and is flustered a lot. It shiws in his face and demeanor, but he's a GREAT guy overall, and knowledgeable in his work. It's funny because my husband has said often, 'Well, at least I'm not like HIM". Oh, my goodness.....I have to laugh each time he says it, because this guy is JUST like him, and how he USED to be especially in his younger years. But, it's awesome that he gets to actually WORK with someone whose behaviors can be a.challenge, because of adhd. Very revealing, and has helped him see adhd in a different perspective.