Submitted by daizzebelle on 04/17/2019.
Was sayingto H last night that when I say "You hurt me deeply. I am hurting." It is not ok for him to argue with me about whether or not I have the right to feel hurt. It is also not ok to blame me for something he chose to do. It is also not ok to say it's not that big of a deal. I told him that as my husband if I feel hurt he needs to own his behavior. Found this info about the 4 denials of responsibility and it is on point. Posting in case it's helpful to someone else.
Good Article.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
In my case, there was no point in confronting my now Ex-husband. He would never admit to abusing me, acknowledge how it affected me, accept responsibility, or admit he needed to change.
Same with my Ex. He never apologized to anyone. Ever.
Submitted by daizzebelle on
Thought he was always right. My current husband does apologize. Starting next week however I will no longer be accepting apologies, only changed behavior. ;)
It is helpful. Thank you!
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
It is helpful. Thank you!
I'm so glad..
Submitted by daizzebelle on
It was very helpful to me. Made me think of my dad's refusal to take responsibility for abusing me and my brother-- and my mom. We all walked on eggshells constantly bc of his "bad temper." Texted the link to my brother and he texted back & said our dad started screaming at him yesterday and my brother told him "I've had enough. You don't get to talk to me like that. I've been putting up with your shit for 44 years. Not anymore!"
Thank you for this
Submitted by vabeachgal on
This really helped me understand why I was also so frustrated and hurt again and again. I have heard all of this repeatedly. It was like re-traumatization because I was still vested in the other party taking responsibility and feeling my pain.
So glad it is helpful...
Submitted by daizzebelle on
It was very helpful for me too. My Ex never took any responsibility for hurting me. I gave up trying to tell him what I needed from him bc it always just unleashed an outpouring of verbal and emotional abuse from him. Same with my dad. I have ultra low contact with my Ex (soon to be zero when our daughter turns 18 next year) and I went no contact with my dad 3 1/2 years ago. It's made a big difference...in a lot happier.