What’s your current story, and how does it make you feel? If it doesn’t make you feel good when you tell it, then stop telling it. Instead, tell a story that makes you feel inspired and positive. Maybe you haven’t found your calling yet and feel as if every day is ground hog day. You can change that.......The Tiny Budha online
I am trying to be positive so I will start with doing this thing suggested on a path to happiness....tell a new story. I will try to tell it without marginalizing or fabricating a false reality. Here goes. I am so lucky to have been born in a country with freedom and economic and health and education resources of which I have taken advantage. I am so fortunate to have had a life of normality of health, family, culture. I have had many friends along the way. I have traveled a bit and got myself an education and live comfortably. I have the internet, a car, a home, children, a church full of honest and helpful people. I have AC in the summer and heating in the winter. I have sight, hearing and the ability to walk...even run and swim. I live in the beautiful part of the country where I look out the windows and see beauty. My husband of 40 years has been healthy also.
I live in the year 2016 where women can, with some work on their parts, have power over their own lives. There are some people who give a woman some credit if she is strong and has the integrity to listen to her own heart. I am able to listen to my own heart and my heart is telling me to START shining rather than to keep small and humble. My heart is telling me that I am LOVED by Life and that I can permit my inner child to experience and enjoy the beauty that is inside of me.
My new story is that I am ALIVE and kicking. I have spent my adult life being responsible. I paid my dues to my family (and had obeyed my childhood Sunday School lessons to a fault). My heart is telling me that God does not want me to keep small or sad or servile, but to live and call attention to the wonders of this world and let people know me...to let ME know me. I am an artist and a writer. See me. Hear me.
ah yes, jenna
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Our paths are so very much the same and our experience and WHAT we do with it.....what we "see", is, in the end.....we do have a purpose( many) in this journey of life.
We become "side tracked" by one "thing" and we, understandably with "hindsight" see that. WE ARE responsible for our "reactions" and I, myself am at peace that my intentions were "good" AND now know they didn't help. I can move forward with this and I have to come to terms that moving forward is going to be very different than what I had planned.
The positives of my life so outweigh the negative....you have put it beautifully, jenna. Our minds appear to be "in sync" at moving on? Regaining what has been there all along.....in a more informed...MATURE...lessons learned.....I AM responsible for MY BEHAVIOR for WHATEVER the cause. My marriage is not the ONLY thing in my life.
This past week has brought me to see that I am in the process(and have been) of mourning, letting go. It is all too familiar and yet I didn't SEE what I was dealing with. This is the same path I took in losing my parents, siblings, friends and most of all my daughter.....I came to the time that I had to "let go" of the pain and move towards joy and hope. I can remember so well saying in my prayers " I want joy, Lord .....I just want joy and hope in the life you have given me. I do not want to take for granted ONE MORE day".
I did NOT chose for this marriage to end...it was never a goal of mine....but I can chose to not feel like a failure because I cannot live meeting unrealistic expectations while my own have to be "stuffed". I do not want my H to feel like a failure but I cannot be "effected" by the negativity that pervades the simplest moments in life.
jenna, I am copying your post and pasting it where I can see it daily...Thank you
Yes Jenna you or so right.....A new story!
Submitted by c ur self on
I've been so blessed; I got into biking at age 56 (when I retired) for exercise and a time of meditation and prayer. Now at age 59 I am planning on my first 100 mile ride soon. I too have a wonderful loving and supportive family and church family...Brother's who have patiently loved and prayed for me while I struggled with anger and bitterness trying to find a peaceful path in this marriage.
I've always wanted the best for my wife, but, it is quiet obvious at this point that she and I have different convictions, different values and priorities...So like you, my focus has turned more to focusing on my own life, my peace. And trying to hear and be lead into the way of truth by the Holy Spirit...I Love my wife and will always want the best for her. But, I'm just holding myself accountable to never think I know what that means for her, and never look for any outward reactions that says she is receiving my love and never expect her to reciprocate it in the way I think the gospel encourages her too....
She like me will need to believe; Hear and follow....If the paths we choose make us examples for one another; great! If it takes us away from one another, so be it....I just want my story to be one of love, honor, and man who peacefully accepts reality....No matter what my convictions are concerning the reality... To live and let live....
C
C....On That 100 Mile Century Ride
Submitted by kellyj on
get yourself some padded bike shorts....you know, the one's with padding in the butt. Trust me on this much...don't even think about it!! lol
I'm trying not to give advise....but this one I'm sure of!! lol
Good for you by the way....I hope you enjoy it as you should:)
J
Yes J you are very right! :)
Submitted by c ur self on
My new Cannondale road bike saddle isn't much for this old butt..LOL...But, I've been hitting the gym for almost two years now....So, it's now or never, I"m in pretty good shape for an old guy :) I"m going to do 70 of the century in the morning....And I did 40 last week....I"ve worn out a pair of the Gel padded pants...And bought a nice pair from REI a month ago....Padded heavy....The high here is 95 tomorrow, so we are going to get started about 6:30....
C
Nice
Submitted by kellyj on
It's a real accomplishment to do what your doing. I think that's great. Good luck with that posterior end...you can always stand up at the end if needed, nothing wrong with that. LOL
By the way...I learned that lesson the hard way (why I said it just in case you were like me )....no pun intended;)
Have fun.
J
Good for you,C
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Your comment....to peacefully accept reality........beautiful.
Love that you are bike riding:) My go to has always been horses. I am fortunate to have one, right out my door. The past few years I have "lost" that love I had for them. I once told my H " the little girl who loved horses has grown up and forgotten her dreams." Have lately been "trying" to remember that "feeling"....of the dream of having a horse of my own. I have recently realized that I let my ability to "dream" to "want" anything go. That is no ones fault but my own.....I want that "feeling" back.......being in the woods, adventuring with my four legged steed. Oh my....how I miss that.
Living a whole life
Submitted by jennalemone on
My granddaughter sometimes just MUST draw. I was like that for most of my life. My career revolved around art and design. I still love to work at my design business but I have totally lost the passion for freely enjoying painting and drawing. I am wondering if immersing myself in it, and finding others who are passionate about it, I can get that "feeling" back. I hope so. Anyway, just wanted to say, Zapp, I understand the feeling of working to get that back again. It is a matter of letting the child in us delight in pleasure and joy. It is allowing the parent and adult in us to relax and take a back seat to the child in us. To take some time to soak in the glory of Life without the controlled need for doing something efficient and goal worthy.
You and your granddaughter remind me of my daughter
Submitted by c ur self on
She has always been artsy...She did some nice work in school....She loves to design things....She got her degree in interior design...against her Father's wishes...but she paid for it...Now she is working for a bank :). I got her an interview with the top interior design firm in Birmingham after she graduated, but, she didn't really want to do commercial work.
Living a whole life; I like that....I really didn't know how to do that alone, since I've been married since I was 20 years old... When I go do something alone, it never seems fulfilling. It just seems a little empty or incomplete...Unless I'm deer hunting or biking...Guy stuff...Although if she wanted to do those things, that's fine too....But I'm learning it's OK to go to church, eat out, enjoy a move or go shopping alone, and still enjoy! Acceptance!
C
Horse's :)...That's great Zapp
Submitted by c ur self on
Little story for you...My wife had a horse, she's had a few...When we were dating she ask me to go riding with her. (I didn't tell her but I grew up riding). So she and I went over to where she had her horse stabled....She had a black walking horse, he was spirited and nice....She saddled him and rode down the dirt road and back...She ask me if I wanted to ride...She gave me some pointers and told me to be careful...So I said OK....I reached up and grabbed the saddle horn (I was 50) and went from the ground strait into the saddle. I saddled off down the road, and when I turned around I laid over and kicked him and turned him loose....When I got to her I locked him down and he slide right up to her, I hopped down and handed her the reigns and I never will forget what she said...." You just turned me on" ....LOL
We got married outside at a park that has some old ruins...(very pretty place) I told her why don't you ride up....She loved the idea...So when every one was setting down and they played here comes the bride....She came walking up from behind stopped in this big arch way opening in her white dress, and bare feet....walked him on a round, and they helped her down and brought her to me....The pictures of our wedding are great....If everything else could just be as good as the ceremony!...LOL...
C
Horses
Submitted by kellyj on
Zapp...you might appreciate this one..(after just reading C relating to horses)
I was at a girls home where they had horses too. We asked if we could ride them and she said.."sure...but it'll have to be bare back...the tack is put away and I just ride bare back mostly." (that should have told me something lol ) So she proceeds to get on her horse and ride him around and then offers him to me. I get on him and he is not cooperating the same with me and he is being really sluggish and resistant as I tried to go to the end of the property. As soon as I turned go back towards the stalls...he bolted and took off at a full gallop with me clinging for dear life! As soon as we reached the stable area...he took a hard turn and went right underneath the stable roof which had about 10" of clearance (total) and I ducked just barely missing the beam supporting the roof. The horse went right into the stall with me on him and I jumped off him as fast as I could.
My friend so "oh...I forgot to warn you. He does that on purpose to get you off his back. He's kinda lazy since I haven'y been riding him much!" LOL
Thanks a lot!!! I think I'll stick to motorcycles....at least they don't have a mind of their own!!! lol
I thought you might appreciate that newbie story since the horse was being smarter than I was at the time:)
J
Ha J....My H...
Submitted by Zapp10 on
is not as animal crazy as me.....
You can't "cowboy up" when you don't know how to ride and every horse is different.....but you couldn't tell my H this.
First day of his 2 week vacation .....he tries to "cowboy" it on my horse. Full gallop.....H expects to go left.....horse went 90* right ....he goes flat on his belly on ground as hard as concrete.....breaks 3 ribs......WHAT A FUN VACATION!!!!!! Seriously!....He's laid up.....doesn't like to be bothered...AT ALL.....so I had 2 weeks of FUN!!!!
Ouch! ....
Submitted by c ur self on
Yep, You have got to show them who's the Boss from the get go:)...And you need to know where the steering wheel is...LOL....
Double Ouch!! Ha!
Submitted by kellyj on
Hubris and horses...don't mix!! lol Sometimes...lessons are in order....one way or the other, know what I mean? lol
I do share your love of animals and actually did take some lessons the right way and had a few amazing times on horses actually later as an adult. (I was 16 at the times of my story...par for the course in those days..sometimes I wonder myself, how I'm still alive!!! lol )
Most amazing horse ride (by myself) was in Lake Tahoe (if you can picture it?)....at a friends ranch. (the one who taught me how). Riding up through some steep terrain and then back down onto the beach along the water and right in for a swim while still on the horse. We both needed to cool off after that one. What a great memory!!
I hope you get back into doing what you Love Zapp. Everyone needs some of those private moments you don't share with anyone else:)
J
Tell a new story - I LOVE this!!!
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
I guess that goes along with having a positive mantra, and rising above circumstance by will. :-) I love that.
Lets see - MY new story.... I am hitting my 40s, but I think this is a good thing. I am wiser, stronger, and will be fitter than ever before in my life. I have an amazing family with whom I was able to build back long burned bridges (lots of Bs in there LOL). I own my home, car, have a great job and the respect of my peers. I have amazing friends whom I can count on to be there for me. I am becoming so much more comfortable in my own skin, even though I have some weight to loose. I am relatively healthy, and every day I am making better choices to get even more healthy, and I I am getting stronger daily to MAKE those choices. I feel like I am on the way back up the hill instead of sliding down through mud and gunk.
I can visualize a future full of adventure and kindness. I have amazing dogs who make me happy just by being them. I am fortunate enough to live in a great area with lots to do, and many resources and amenities - all with in my reach. The sun still shines, and the moon and stars still glitter at night, and music still moves my soul - I am not dead yet.
My life WILL BE amazing and full of things that I can tell my nieces and nephews children and see their eyes go wide with shock. I will be the kind of woman that owns her world, and her world will be anywhere she is at. And maybe there will be someone to share it with me - but if not, I am totally cool with that. Because I know who I am, and i am pretty fraking cool.
PS - I changed my nickname from The Fool to The Phoenix, because I am rising from the ashes of who I had become to survive. I am letting that shit burn...