I've posted before, my husband has ADD (inattentive), forgetful, angry, can't follow through with anything, bad parent, etc. He was diagnosed last spring, he is on meds and sees that dr regulary. He saw a therapist but after 2 sessions she moved, got a new therapist-saw her twice then never called her for another appt. He finally, the other week, called a different place and had a consultation with a new therapist. He has also been reading a book on ADHD that I gave him called your life can be better. This is the book that I told him about a couple months ago and he said I don't have ADHD I have ADD, my reply was same thing-you have the AD part of ADHD! I've been trying to explain to him that meds only won't help, that he needs a good therapist that will help him work on his anger and ways to not forget everything (and I mean absolutely everything). It finally clicked with him and he seems to be really trying hard.
The problem is he is driving me crazy! It's like he is now hyperfocused on his therapy for ADD. He's calling all kinds of counseling places, when he has an appt with one already. I said to him how many therapists do you want to see? You only need one! He's on stand by for tomorrow in case someone cancels. All I have heard for a week is he might have an appt on Thursday. I made sure today he knew the chances are slim, it's only if there is a cancellation. He bought a wipe board and found a place to hang it so he can see it, I can't stand it there but am not saying anything b/c so far he is using it. He tells me his schedule for the entire day, I don't really care-just do what you are supposed to do. I don't need to know every little detail. He still talks non stop but now it's about the book that he is reading, his notes, his calendar, his goals for the next day, and on and on. I want to be hopeful but I also know that he can't maintain this focus for too long.
So what is it that is
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
So what is it that is concerning you? You said he is driving you crazy with his hyperfocus on the therapy....but you say it won't last long...which is likely true and would be a good thing in that he would not be driving you as crazy if his behavior calmed down. Are you just concerned that after the hyperfocus wears off he will just stop all progress?
just do what you are supposed to do
Submitted by sunlight on
"I don't really care-just do what you are supposed to do. I don't need to know every little detail."
I think I might get what you mean. After all this stop-start-stop-start-stop-stop-start-start and working on getting him to DO IT you're now just fed up and have gone around it all TOO MUCH, at least for a while. And now, having finally got him kick-started, he's going overboard and you're worried it will end like every other time he got enthusiastic and over-focussed on something. So you want him to JUST DO IT. It's very normal to be wary. Just be politely encouraging. Are you concerned that his meds might not be working *because* he is hyperfocussing? Do his meds normally calm him down ie is this excitement abnormal for when his meds work? I think give him a little time, leave him to it, and see what happens. If by the time his next meds appt comes around you're worried about the hyperfocus then try to raise it then ?
Sunlight, you summed it up
Submitted by MFrances on
Sunlight, you summed it up perfectly, Thanks! I was thinking that last night too. I am so tired of being the one to worry about this, read about it, research it, encourage him to get treatment that I am so tired. For him it is new. Even though he has had these ADHD traits forever, he never knew it was ADHD and he never realized it caused us problems. Now he does and he seems to want to try to work on it. Now that is is focusing on it, I don't want to have to anymore. I know I have to be encouraging but it's hard. I am afraid he will stop, that is how he is and his whole family is. Once therapy gets too hard or touches on a nerve he'll quit, (but won't be honest with me about why). I have been wondering if his meds need adjusted and he sees the doc on Monday so I'll remind DH to ask about that.
Thanks.
I totally get your
Submitted by jade21 on
I totally get your frustration. Once again it's all about him and his issues. I completely feel the same way. My advice would be not to say anything to him. If you do, he will say nothing he does is right and feel like a failure. I've made that mistake many times. I wish I would have just shut my mouth. I would encourage him, but remain as detached as possible. Let him know this is his issue he has to work on. You are there to listen and be supportive, but not solve his problems. If you need to vent, do it with friends, a journal, etc. He's doing what you asked, so tell him you appreciate his willingness to seek help. I find words of encouragement work well to keep my husband motivated. It is difficult when you are frustrated, but in the end it helps you get what you want. I also find it is also helpful to ask questions. Ask questions and guide him to form his own conclusions about what you already know. He will then think he did it on his own : ) You can do this with trying to get him to realize stopping and starting counseling is not helping him or the relationship. Good luck!